When you meet people organically, it's a lot different. You have the opportunity wherever it is to answer most of the questions you should be asking on the spot about that person especially if you see them in their normal life routine like at the gym or morning coffee at Starbucks (cause that's where I meet most of the gals I end up dating: gym or coffee). When a person is in their daily routine, they're in their most natural non-threatened or defensive state of mind. All that they are is there in their facial expressions, their tone of voice and the way they move or what they're doing with their phone as you chat (or not).
You can tell a lot about a person from just basic observation. You can see what you're getting at least in the health department and 'chemistry' side of it in those very few minutes. It's pretty much a five minute decision process from the time that person walks into the place, stands in line, and orders whatever they're gonna order followed by waiting. Then out comes a decision...do I talk to them or not? Do I make eye contact with them or not? Should I say something or not? The rest of what follows is part of a process that I've developed as a screening methodology for potential dating partners. I've used it for years up until recently.
Throughout the years of dating and relationships, working in the nightlife industry, and the study of human behavior, I've learned and refined a good number of observation skills that more or less give me a road map into the trends most people likely fall into when it comes to their dating ability or viability-their ability to actually be a good dating candidate. This is what dating web-sites try and do for most people..match peoples' thoughts, preferences, and 'wants' into a category that they feel will give that member the highest level of success at what???? No one really answers this question. What are you most likely gonna have the highest success at? Hmmmm. OK. Someone likes going to baseball games, or movies, or hiking, etc. etc. But, does having a few common hobby or interest gonna put two people together? Not likely. Having similar interests or things to do together will, on the other hand, give you the opportunity to develop some familiarity with the other, which could be useful if you're sitting at home doing nothing.
The 'familiar' activity gives a person an opportunity to let their guard down just enough so they're not out on the dating offensive being someone different than they really might be because it's natural instinct to go into 'mating' behavior where we put our 'best' image forward so we can do what? MATE!! Or at least attract one that we can mate with if we can get by the actual communication of that part. That is, how do I tell or express to someone that I want to 'mate' with them?! LOL. Isn't that the money question! Let's not forget this all so important point--we are human beings created or evolved to mate at the very core of our being. Everything we do from the beginning of our life starting from the time we wake till the end of the day is the process of facilitating our primal instinct to mate. How it is one goes about finding and securing a mate is sometimes referred to as 'having game.' How's your game?!
Anyone that tells you otherwise, is also selling a bridge in New York for cheap. As a society, we are taught to downplay this very critical part of our being. In some conservative environments, we are taught that it, SEX, is a special activity that has a place and a time, and any expression of it before those parameters is wrong or should be looked down upon. All of our lives we're told sex an adult experience. All our lives we're told that sex is the same experience or will be if we end up with one or the other person. All our lives we're told, that it, SEX, is only best experienced as the physical expression of a deeply emotional and committed life connection with a person that we are involved with and "in love". I agree that we do want to have meaningful experiences, which means what exactly? Another good factor in the equation of dating, mating, and relationships, but before we get that far, let's get to the questions one might want to consider answering before shelling out the money, time and effort of going out and actually meeting someone.
It's Friday. Friday, August 7th, 2015
The weather is spectacular outside. I'm visiting a new office today that was relatively close to my place and will allow me to stop by the Gold's Gym on the way home! Yes! LOL.
When we last left off, I was in the beginning stages of discussing a series of questions I've developed over the years that I use to screen women I may meet out for an initial outing or an actual date depending on how the questions go and how they actually are in person. This is largely based on the basic principle that we all have a basic human behavior and need to mate and find everything that comes with it (E.I. companionship, romance, family, etc. etc.) The questions are now just past seven with varying levels of importance. So, let's begin.
Question #1: Are you married!? I know that's a basic kind of question when you think that you might be meeting someone for a potential dating partner that will most certainly include some physical interactions. It should be a no-brainer, but not so much. There are people that are married on the dating market. Depending on how you're advertising, the married ones may be looking for someone that they feel will fill in the missing parts of their marriage. It could be, on a rare occasion, that the person may just have a deviant behavior pattern and getting away with something of that nature is how they feel they are in control of their problem without ruining their actual marriage--but that's not as common as the other reasons why married people are putting themselves out there.
It could be that they want to see what their options are, which again begs to question what is going on at home that they need to "get out". I've heard a number of things over the years from the married ones that I've seen out without their husband or wife when I worked in the nightlife industry. Some of it is just the thrill of doing something wrong, or they're bored, or their partner isn't fulfilling their physical needs. Whatever the excuse, you need to be careful to not get involved emotionally, if you're gonna make the mistake of getting involved at all for anything at all much less anything regular, with a married person. Chances are they're not gonna leave their spouse for you. So if you're in it for some non-committal fun keep that in mind. So, say no.
Question #2: Are you divorced!? This has started to become a per/case basis for me at least. Six years ago, I would have just passed them by to avoid the complication of an X-husband hovering around or you getting the results of a marriage gone bad. But, now I'm 41, and the dating pool around my age bracket if more than 68% divorcies. If I date younger women, by lets say 7-10 years, the percentage drops down to about 30% having a history of divorce. So, I've learned to ask about it. I learned real fast if you're gonna do it, you have to have a few 'healthy talk' standards set up and stick to them as you Que to get out!! That way, if they cross those lines with any level of regularity, it's the sign you need to get out and let them back into the lake (catch and release). There are some really nice people that end up with a changing partner or find themselves in a divorce for other reasons, and you have to ask why? What was the cause of the divorce? Was it infidelity, poor performance, bad sex or worse-no sex? You have to get to the root of that divorce because you will not be the one to "save" them from themselves. Save yourself the money, time, and heartache that comes from any of the above questions being "Yes."
Question #3: Do you have children?! It's a matter of three things here. One, if they're young, how much time and influence does their father have over their relationship with their mother--the woman you're gonna date if you decide to go with a divorced one. I'm not sure about you, but I'm a one penis relationship kinda of guy. I don't want some other dick poking his head around in my relationship. So, in general, if you have children and an obsessive or over-involved X-husband, the answer is usually gonna be "pass" unless you're gonna keep it real casual, but even then. The rule of Jerry McGuire still applies in the single mom instances.
Question #4: Are you a foreign national?! As in, "Do you need a green card?" I know that sounds discriminatory considering I come from a Mexican family, but I don't really want to have to deal with all those complications just to be married or involved with someone. Again, if it's just some short-term fun, I guess, but I'm usually the one visiting or traveling to other places. LOL. Just sayin.
Question #5: Do you take any psychotropic or anti-depressant medications?! Yeah. I actually don't ask that right away if we're good on the first few questions or if I meet a gal organically like at Starbucks or something, but it may come up if other things start to present themselves. I will talk about this more under Question #7.
Question #6: Do you feel you enjoy sex? I'm sure eyeballs just rolled, but let's face it, the basic premise behind dating is to get to mating! Right?! TO BE CONTINUED MONDAY AUGUST 10, TH.
Throughout the years of dating and relationships, working in the nightlife industry, and the study of human behavior, I've learned and refined a good number of observation skills that more or less give me a road map into the trends most people likely fall into when it comes to their dating ability or viability-their ability to actually be a good dating candidate. This is what dating web-sites try and do for most people..match peoples' thoughts, preferences, and 'wants' into a category that they feel will give that member the highest level of success at what???? No one really answers this question. What are you most likely gonna have the highest success at? Hmmmm. OK. Someone likes going to baseball games, or movies, or hiking, etc. etc. But, does having a few common hobby or interest gonna put two people together? Not likely. Having similar interests or things to do together will, on the other hand, give you the opportunity to develop some familiarity with the other, which could be useful if you're sitting at home doing nothing.
The 'familiar' activity gives a person an opportunity to let their guard down just enough so they're not out on the dating offensive being someone different than they really might be because it's natural instinct to go into 'mating' behavior where we put our 'best' image forward so we can do what? MATE!! Or at least attract one that we can mate with if we can get by the actual communication of that part. That is, how do I tell or express to someone that I want to 'mate' with them?! LOL. Isn't that the money question! Let's not forget this all so important point--we are human beings created or evolved to mate at the very core of our being. Everything we do from the beginning of our life starting from the time we wake till the end of the day is the process of facilitating our primal instinct to mate. How it is one goes about finding and securing a mate is sometimes referred to as 'having game.' How's your game?!
Anyone that tells you otherwise, is also selling a bridge in New York for cheap. As a society, we are taught to downplay this very critical part of our being. In some conservative environments, we are taught that it, SEX, is a special activity that has a place and a time, and any expression of it before those parameters is wrong or should be looked down upon. All of our lives we're told sex an adult experience. All our lives we're told that sex is the same experience or will be if we end up with one or the other person. All our lives we're told, that it, SEX, is only best experienced as the physical expression of a deeply emotional and committed life connection with a person that we are involved with and "in love". I agree that we do want to have meaningful experiences, which means what exactly? Another good factor in the equation of dating, mating, and relationships, but before we get that far, let's get to the questions one might want to consider answering before shelling out the money, time and effort of going out and actually meeting someone.
It's Friday. Friday, August 7th, 2015
The weather is spectacular outside. I'm visiting a new office today that was relatively close to my place and will allow me to stop by the Gold's Gym on the way home! Yes! LOL.
When we last left off, I was in the beginning stages of discussing a series of questions I've developed over the years that I use to screen women I may meet out for an initial outing or an actual date depending on how the questions go and how they actually are in person. This is largely based on the basic principle that we all have a basic human behavior and need to mate and find everything that comes with it (E.I. companionship, romance, family, etc. etc.) The questions are now just past seven with varying levels of importance. So, let's begin.
Question #1: Are you married!? I know that's a basic kind of question when you think that you might be meeting someone for a potential dating partner that will most certainly include some physical interactions. It should be a no-brainer, but not so much. There are people that are married on the dating market. Depending on how you're advertising, the married ones may be looking for someone that they feel will fill in the missing parts of their marriage. It could be, on a rare occasion, that the person may just have a deviant behavior pattern and getting away with something of that nature is how they feel they are in control of their problem without ruining their actual marriage--but that's not as common as the other reasons why married people are putting themselves out there.
It could be that they want to see what their options are, which again begs to question what is going on at home that they need to "get out". I've heard a number of things over the years from the married ones that I've seen out without their husband or wife when I worked in the nightlife industry. Some of it is just the thrill of doing something wrong, or they're bored, or their partner isn't fulfilling their physical needs. Whatever the excuse, you need to be careful to not get involved emotionally, if you're gonna make the mistake of getting involved at all for anything at all much less anything regular, with a married person. Chances are they're not gonna leave their spouse for you. So if you're in it for some non-committal fun keep that in mind. So, say no.
Question #2: Are you divorced!? This has started to become a per/case basis for me at least. Six years ago, I would have just passed them by to avoid the complication of an X-husband hovering around or you getting the results of a marriage gone bad. But, now I'm 41, and the dating pool around my age bracket if more than 68% divorcies. If I date younger women, by lets say 7-10 years, the percentage drops down to about 30% having a history of divorce. So, I've learned to ask about it. I learned real fast if you're gonna do it, you have to have a few 'healthy talk' standards set up and stick to them as you Que to get out!! That way, if they cross those lines with any level of regularity, it's the sign you need to get out and let them back into the lake (catch and release). There are some really nice people that end up with a changing partner or find themselves in a divorce for other reasons, and you have to ask why? What was the cause of the divorce? Was it infidelity, poor performance, bad sex or worse-no sex? You have to get to the root of that divorce because you will not be the one to "save" them from themselves. Save yourself the money, time, and heartache that comes from any of the above questions being "Yes."
Question #3: Do you have children?! It's a matter of three things here. One, if they're young, how much time and influence does their father have over their relationship with their mother--the woman you're gonna date if you decide to go with a divorced one. I'm not sure about you, but I'm a one penis relationship kinda of guy. I don't want some other dick poking his head around in my relationship. So, in general, if you have children and an obsessive or over-involved X-husband, the answer is usually gonna be "pass" unless you're gonna keep it real casual, but even then. The rule of Jerry McGuire still applies in the single mom instances.
Question #4: Are you a foreign national?! As in, "Do you need a green card?" I know that sounds discriminatory considering I come from a Mexican family, but I don't really want to have to deal with all those complications just to be married or involved with someone. Again, if it's just some short-term fun, I guess, but I'm usually the one visiting or traveling to other places. LOL. Just sayin.
Question #5: Do you take any psychotropic or anti-depressant medications?! Yeah. I actually don't ask that right away if we're good on the first few questions or if I meet a gal organically like at Starbucks or something, but it may come up if other things start to present themselves. I will talk about this more under Question #7.
Question #6: Do you feel you enjoy sex? I'm sure eyeballs just rolled, but let's face it, the basic premise behind dating is to get to mating! Right?! TO BE CONTINUED MONDAY AUGUST 10, TH.
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