Yup, I actually took the time to read through a few things I was asked to by my publisher for clarity on different parts of the stories. I'll be honest, it's the first time that I've read through them since I took down The Pursuit of Happiness (Click to go to story) last May. It is presently available to read without the extras going into the actual published edition. Reading through it was only slightly emotional. I actually experienced more laughter out of parts of it than I had thought before the April 1st section. The things you forget about and how random they seem when placed into the story format, but, then again, that's real life...random. I mean we have plans, and do things, but right in the middle of what you think is happening, something unexpected happens, and that's what makes life interesting. It tests your character when randomness happens to you, and hopefully you do well in how you respond.
One thing to note, you actually have to participate in life. You have to get out of your place and let the sun hit your face. Or, a random branch just like the one I found on my jeep this morning. Nothing can happen to you if you don't get outside and live. Remembering this small detail, I went out Friday night. It was different than what I had planned, but I'm flexible when it comes to people cause you never really know what to expect. I was surrounded by people drinking, dancing, and hawking in some instances (guys trying to pick off drunk chic they thought were alone). It was fun, but when I had a moment and was able to look into the sky, I really just felt like I was there on my own. I was there with a few people, but we only really know each other from that place and loosely through mutual friends. This is when I had one of those overwhelming something is wrong moments. I thought, "This can't all just be me." Having had similar experiences of it in the past only to have my former significant experiencing the same thing; we were often both mildly surprised the other knew something was up.
I was gonna text her, and see if she was cool, but I didn't. I went back to the dance floor to shake off the sentiment instead with one of the gals I showed up with that apparently needed to use me as a dance poll or just someone to keep her from falling to the floor. It was in that moment that I realized I should've been having the time of my life, "I've got a hot chic grinding on my leg. The music is good, and I'm in California, and the weather is near perfect. But something feels wrong. Something is off, and I think I know what it is." I thought to myself but kept holding on to the gal dancing with me largely so she didn't bite it from her one too many drinks! LOL.
When the time came, I politely walked the gal and her people over to the valet stand and dismissed myself. It took everything in my being to not grab my phone and call her if only to know she was OK, but I drove home. I somehow didn't want to be wrong and come across to her as annoying. And even though we've spoken about those exact sensations in the past and not just trying to 'be strong' and not call, we agreed that we should...cause you never know. The rest of my weekend was tainted by this. I felt I didn't do my end of the deal even if I was more or less honoring our verbal agreement. My resolve to it was to write her an email stating the above, and all the things that lead up to it-that somethings wrong feeling-hoping it was just me. Hahahah.
I went about my normal work schedule on Saturday and Sunday crafting that email, changing it, putting information in and then taking it out, but eventually I just let it simmer, and I ran the beach run way on Sunday. I made it to my buddy Tim's 2nd Sunday musician gathering to see some interesting music performances. It was a good Sunday fun day. Periodically, I look at my phone wondering. Tim and me made it out to have a drink before I headed over to karaoke, and we talked about the Over The Edge project and the tracks that I want to cover by the end of July, but in the end we decided to get together and go over the calendar dates for things when I returned. We laughed it off, and I left for Santa Monica to meet up with my other buddy Fallon for karaoke.
It was a great night. The weather was perfect, and it has been the last few days on the whole! The place was actually slow for a Sunday. I was surprised, but it just meant I could work on some Eagle's songs that I hope to include on my cover album. Some where along the way a gal walked up to me while I was sitting outside on the bench taking in the night's weather and started yapping at me. She's from NY she informed me but had moved to the area for a production job. When she found out I was from Minneapolis, she laughed informing me that her last boyfriend was from there! Small world it seemed! Later, she approached me again when I slipped out to the bench and gave me her number so I could "call her." I laughed thinking to myself, "It's cause I'm a Midwest guy...isn't it?!" I agreed I'd give her a holler when I got back from my trip up to the Home Land, but in the meantime, I was busy till I left. Then, I just left the karaoke scene all together and drove home as I had in the past.
The drive was as it always is at that time of the night--smooth with virtually no traffic. As I passed various landmarks along the roadway, the sensation came over me again as if to remind me of past moments making the same drive to KC's place for the night. Except I wasn't driving to her place; I was driving to mine if only a few miles away. Maybe the sensation made the landmarks stick out to me versus them bringing out the sensation again. I wasn't sure which was the case, but she was on my mind, and it again took all of my will power to do nothing.
When I made it home, I hit my bed like I had just run a marathon from the exhaustion of adjusting people five straight days in a row and the mental debate I was having with myself on why not to email or send a text to KC. Over 175 people got adjusted in one way or another. I was out instantly. When I woke, most of what I dreamed I remembered some of which was KC and me talking about what was happening with her and how our being stubborn and not wanting the other to know was ridiculous. LOL. I laughed, and then I made my way out to start another Manic Monday.
The experience on the whole left me edgy until I was sitting in the passenger seat of one of my new local friend's posh SUV. It was only for those few moments that I was actually calm. We hiked, and ended up having a burger at one of the local Malibu spots I hit up now and then. In the end, I had a great time hiking around and getting to know my hiking companion's life story till then. When she dropped me off, I went to the gym wondering if I should've called or sent that email to KC. I'm not sure, so I thought to write about it here and at least let it out into the open. Meh. I'm gonna be home, Minnesota, soon, so maybe things will be just fine.
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