The Home Land, July 17, 2015 : Updated 7/19/15 7:00 PM

It's Friday July 17, 2015 and it's just after 7:00 AM. The sun is out. The streets are still wet from last night's rain, and the clouds are thinning meaning that tonight will be pretty much like my other night out-perfect (almost)! Yup. It's been an interesting visit with family health affairs, and just being back home after six weeks. Yes, it's been six weeks that I got in my jeep and drove across the country to 'follow up' on a girl like Matt Damon did in Good Will Hunting. Since then, the job and my life have been working a little better, but it's not how it started out; I'll write an entry specifically on that topic-by the name "Good Fil Hunting", but not today.

Now that I'm home, as is usually the case, my Mexican talent was requested to help with a few home projects at one of my close friends on her new home purchase. And although I'm good at a lot of stuff, I really shy away from it namely because I have to protect my hands and wrists from injury but also because I'm home for a few days....and I'd rather be out enjoying stuff and socializing as much as one can given the background to the trip. Some people's way of socializing is more of a doing experience, and for my Finnish friend, it means moving stuff around and putting on the work gloves. She's been a good friend to me over the years, and I felt it was the least I could do for her. Apart from the two inch slice into my left thumb that may or may not need stitches, it was an 'O.K.' experience! LOL.

Since I've been home, I can't help but notice the exponential number of good looking women walking around and how many of them are seemingly 'interested' in wanting to talk. I guess that could just be the MN nice thing! LOL.

"So now what?!" It's a question that I've been asking myself the last few weeks that I've been California Dreaming, because as much as I was convinced over the years leading up to my departure that I wanted to be back to the land of milk and many honies. In the end of it, I only wanted one, and I spent the better part of this year bridging the gaps, over-coming the hurdles till we had a very different reason...I had a different reason to come back. Now, she's not available to me because of us. The "working-out of things" as was the part of the reason for my return has been over-whelming. So back to basics.

I think of these types of life events in terms of a four-legged table that make up the any given person's life: a job, a place to live, your health, and someone to share the experience. You can mange to recreate two of the three as long as you have a job or a place to live. If you lose more than two, you have to consider your options for survival depending on the one you have left. I found myself doing this not just 2.5 years ago, and I ended up moving back to Minnesota where I had family and some friends, and maybe a chance to reconstruct everything that I had lost. Recovery; Surviving & Reconstructing the Dream. 

Once you have two back, which for me was my health and a job, I managed to figure out where to live, and eventually that lead to me being available to actually land a gal that was potentially worth it: The Pursuit of Happiness. I'm not saying that happiness is tied to one or the other of these, but your odds of being happy definitely go up when you have all the basics. These are the key elements to a life worth living: food, shelter, mate, and your health. When I sit and read through my story as I've had to do, I'm not sure anymore that those are the only components that make life worth living or may facilitate happiness. Maybe they don't get one to that state of feeling fulfilled in what one has achieved or shared or managed when it comes to the basics. I'm not settled on this as of late, but I'm optimistic about it.

Then maybe, we have to consider other things beyond our senses or one entity that draws upon them all to guide us when we're lost, and I'll be honest, there have been some days when I don't know what I'm doing anymore or where I'm going because I'm still lost in that forest of life Ive had with K.C. The way out of it, the forest, has been hard to see because I've been blinded by my own humanity and its needs. This is when we need to do one of two things: find the silence ...the peace in the storm and listen for it..the drumming sound that comes from the Universe so it can guide your steps. There's a race for time here because one's circumstances can overwhelm them before the clarity of it can be found; unfortunately, one can make some fatal mistakes in the attempt to just breath.

I thought about an elderly gentleman today because I'm here in the neighborhood where I lived before I left to Cali the first time in 2007. His name was Tom. One day he asked if I knew how he might get a rent reduction to which I said I didn't know. We'd talked a good deal over the year, and he seemed like a down to Earth kind of guy. He mentioned along the way that he had made some gross financial calculations and hence the need for some rent reduction. I didn't think much about at the time. A week later he jumped off of a 6 story parking ramp ending his life. This bring us to the other less attractive options when deal with life or being lost in it...the forest-- checking-out figuratively and in some instances literally. This is the way life is for some people, one option seems just as reasonable as any other in the mist. One loses their will or the strength to go forward, and then nothing.
I've grown tired, and I have a hard time hearing the drum beat so I can find the way out. I thought I found it again recently...enough silence to listen, and I think I've found it...the pathway out. So let's see what the next few weeks will bring. I'm waiting for the signs or that my eyes are opened so I might see them at least. We'll see cause it's great to be back in Minnesota.