More Minnesota People in CALI! Updated 9/1/15@ 11:13 AM

It's Monday, and it's the end of the August! I'm that much closer to making it home for the Great Minnesota Get Together!! So excited to get to it already; you have no idea. Lol.

It might just be a sign from the Almighty, but I've run into so many people from Minnesota this weekend that it's beginning to make me wonder if there's a secret Minnesota "relocate to California" program nobody told me about! I'm not even kidding. Every day this weekend I met either a single gal or couple from Minnesota less Friday night when I went out dancing with one of my chic friends to keep it real. I'll talk about it a little further down in the blog. 

Yesterday marked my three month anniversary of leaving Minnesota and driving cross-country to end up on Zuma Beach in Malibu. The time has had a full spectrum experiences and emotions as you might imagine! LOL. Some days I'm more confident than others that I made the right choice, and if you read this last Friday's blog edition, you know why. The road has been long and interesting to say the least. I partly celebrated by going to the beach with one of my local friends and her friends and family to take in some sun, waves, and conversation. It was good. I haven't been back to the beach to just sit and shoot the crap since last February Valentine's Day picnic with the smurf and her posse! I remember everything, and as I sat and listened to the kids run around, and other people talk, I did my best to relaxed. I just sat there and did nothing, which is hard for me. I tried to not eat the entire bag of Twizzlers that I brought for the kids (That was my excuse for buying it.) As I sat there taking in the scene and mowing down a stick of Twizzlers, conversations from the past played in my head making me smile while at points drove me to my feet to walk around a bit. #whatsmissinginthispicture It was in here somewhere that a couple sitting directly in front of me took note of my Northstars hat asking where I had got it. They were from Minnesota. We laughed that we had 'figured it out' and where all there on the beach taking it in. It was good, and another sign from the Creator that I wasn't here alone. I just needed to open my eyes.

As is usually my mission when I go to the beach, I looked for sea glass, which is broken glass that has been polished from the ocean waves and time. Finding a piece is like finding treasure that could be blue, green, clear or other. I have a box of them that I've been adding to over the years. It's a small one that I also keep other 'memory stones' in from specific times in my life that involved the beach or large body of water. Yesterday, I didn't find any. What I did find was good conversation with the people from Minnesota that were sitting literally a few away from me and the group. It seems we're all over the place in L.A. us Minnesota people!

When beach time was over and people got their things together, I made my way up to Ollie's. Yes, it's true. After a quick survey of the parking lot, I deemed I was the only Minnesota person there and went in! Hahaha. Nicole, one of the bartenders, smiled at me as I walked in grabbing me beer of her choice for trying out this round; it was something we started back in the Winter because I asked for help getting my beers straight. So instead of trying to figure it out every time, I just let her surprise me with a different one.  I ordered my usual burger, Pretzel, and breathed. Everything was good. I felt at home again as it had been a few weeks since my last visit. As we talked about life, and migraine headaches, she asked me where I've been and what I've been up to. It was then that Tom walked in giving me the latest on the Vikings progress; he too is a Minnesota guy that relocated. I laughed acknowledging again that I was in the right place. The stool next to me stayed empty just in case she walked in and wanted to join me. It's how it usually goes in a recurring dream I have, but yesterday wasn't the day. 

Looking back at the last three months, I gave Nicole the short story while not bringing up the smurf so as to not make it awkward for her when she makes it. We laughed and eventually concluded that I could help her as a chiropractor with her ever-growing migraine headaches. I was still milking mine away from the previous night's outing that involved another Minnesota person. 

This particular Minnesota gal I met at the dance place I usually go out to with my 'adopted sister' as she's turned out to be. I've been working on getting my housemate out of his rut indirectly helping me get out of mine. So, we go out for exactly one and a half hours. No more. No less. When we finally made it, the place had just started to get busy. Across the floor was a taller, short-blond haired gal that seemed foreign but all too familiar to me. As the hour went by we caught each other's eye from time to time until the music finally changed for better. Before I knew it, she was in front of me, and we danced. In the middle of it, I asked where she was from because of the way she wore her purse (more of a European manner) only to have her say, "Minnesota!" I laughed. Then I took out my drivers license and showed her it. Her eyes lit up. She, in turn, showed me her id. We laughed together and continued to dance. Eventually Juvenile's Back That Ass Up started to play, and it was on! It was a scene when she backed up to dance on me versus with me. 

When it was over, I took her number, kissed her on the cheek, and walked away. It was almost time to leave, and I needed to find the guys. When I did, they were in awe of what had just happened asking how it went down. I simply said the obvious, "She's from Minnesota, and that's how it goes for me with them! Hahahaha!" It's true. I left the place laughing while acknowledging that the universe and time were still on my side and eventually, I will have my day leading to today....Monday. Today, I spoke with my mentor about a topic we began to talk about a couple of weeks back, and it is the topic of "FAITH" and what it is, what it looks like, and how it effects all the people involved in it. I may share that conversation here sometime soon because it is the substance of things understood, perceived and maybe even felt that compels someone to take some form of action; it is what brought me to California three months ago, and I think you should know how it is I think and believe as a human being even if I've been treated like an animal or less than that these last three months...more like a thing or an object not worth wasting words on.  

Taxes, Interviewing, and Life over the Edge.

It's another Friday weekly review of California Dreamin! Yes. I can't even wait for today to be over cause it means I'm one day closer to being home. More importantly, the State Fair is under way.. HOLY CRAP!! I can't even wait. Hahahah. It's been one of those weeks for sure. I started and actually completed my 2014 QB entries today! I mean..that was a small mental drain, and not to mention the emotional roller coaster that came from seeing all the entries. I had them nearly done yesterday except a few checks names, etc. etc. Now I just have to pack it and mail it to my CPA so I can find out what I owe 'the man'! It's not my favorite part of the year, but I'm doing my part to keep America America. The picture on the left is part of the scenery on my drive to work on different days of the week. It eventually ends on the PCH where I can see the ocean for a while on my way into work. It makes the drive a little more tolerable! LOL.

Along the way in my struggling to put entries into my QB program, I saw the beginning, the development, and growth of a relationship that changed my world perspective on family, legacy, and the meaning of life. It's true. I had to think about it a good deal this last week. I'm still smiling about it all even if every now and then a tear rolls down my face out of nowhere. It's still true.

It's also the end of my contract next week. In the process of providing my supervisors and other 'seasoned' docs how I became one of the most 'up and coming' chiropractors in our corporate group, I've had to answer one basic question, "What brought you to California?" It's a question I know the answer to and immediately respond by saying, "It's because I'm in love with a woman and our future legacy at the time I was considering this company as a client." It's seemingly been a hot topic because I'm one of the only people that came from out of state to join the company's Los Angeles group. Also, I'm the only 'Award Winning' chiropractor in the entire California group.

It's another topic that gets me questions on, "Why would you leave the award winning office you were in?" I laugh at first cause it's what I usually do when I get nervous or am not sure what I should say. My usual answer is the above, but most people don't know the story or how it ended or where it's presently at, so I tell them the rest of it. "I came to California because I'm in love with a Minnesota woman that I was starting a family with just before I arrived here." Then I usually make some comment on the weather or that I don't get an ocean view on my drive to work back in Minnesota. LOL! In the recesses of my mind that tune by the Calling titled Where ever you will go.. plays as I answer people.

Some people think the weather reason is a good one even though none of them have been to Minnesota. But, when I tell them that a good part of my decision in coming to California involved being in love with a woman, they don't quite believe me as if it was an antiquated notion that doesn't exist anymore! LOL. I usually switch topics and go back to company business and my take-over of the area as the newest and most sought after doctors within my three month introduction. I don't believe it when I hear those things from other docs, front desk staff, and a few of the corporate personalities because I'm doing the same things I was doing back in the Home Land at the Burke Center. Kinda...I've refined a neck and side-posture technique that has become second to none in these clinics at any rate.

Maybe the big smile, the shiny white teeth, and my visible noticeable lifestyle has been paying off. I should feel great about it all, but there are days when I'm 'putting on a show', and  I'm only a few thoughts away from throwing in the towel. #Whatismissinginthispicture It's true. All the reasons I came here to succeed are essentially gone less the one where I left California originally to survive cancer, regroup, and come back hopefully stronger. And as most of my stories go, I met a girl in the process of coming back. I'm thankful for her and her role in my life because she was the reason behind my reason for coming. Perhaps that was her role in my life...that I needed someone soo close to me that I could find no other option but to leave what I knew and grew comfortable with behind for what I could almost grasp the future of with and in her. It was worth risking everything I had even if it wasn't much to take a chance at destiny and really live life and not just dream about it. You have to do that at some point in your life...live it.

When I interviewed for the job, first round, I was asked, "What special skill-set do you feel you bring to the table?" I thought of all the things that I usually put on a resume.. well traveled, diverse education and work background, speak Spanish fluently, etc, etc. What I said, on the other hand, was different. I said to them that although it is not a traditional skill or answer one may state during a "brag yourself up' interview, I said I understood how to fail! As you might expect, the corporate recruiter was a bit taken back by it. "I say failing because it's the beginning of learning something different about yourself. Failing teaches you something that cannot be learned by only having things go right for you, and that something is the determination to get up again and put one foot in front of the other, even if it hurts, and start over again. Only this time, you know something more about yourself, and that knowledge and experience only sets you up for greater successes." Martin Luther King says something to this degree in his Civil Rights struggles. "You must remember to keep on keeping on."  As an aside, I mentioned that I was a cancer survivor, and that somewhere along the recovery process I became an award winning doctor. I would later inform them that we had lost our pregnancy, but I was still going to take the job and start as planned.

Later they asked me why I didn't bring up the award winning status first in the interview. I laughed cause it was during that interview that I had just learned the day before that I was no longer expecting and still in the aftermath of an emotional overload and shut-down. "You asked me about skills that I brought to the table. The award winning status was not all my own doing but the combined efforts of a group of people that worked with me as a unit...a group of friends, and by and large, are as close as family to me. That's why it wasn't the first thing I mentioned." They told me that it was a good quality to have...humility! I'm not sure anyone else would agree with them on that one! LOL.

So that is where I'm at today. I'm waiting and happy the entries into my QB are done.  I think it may be a Malibu running weekend. It's been a while, and it's time to get up to speed for the TC 10 miler this October! #GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife  #Whatismissinginthispicture #Californiadreaming

Magic Monday, Work, and Quickbooks.! Updated /25 at 10:00 AM

It's another manic Monday after a weekend of exercise, tax book helper interviewing, and a little bit of karaoke. Yes, it sounds full, but there was plenty of time in there to contemplate the meaning of life as it relates to the Minnesota State Fair and being a MN MAN! LOL. I will be keeping up a life long tradition of attending the State Fair this year! Yes, it's true! I can't even wait to just see all of the people milling around, the animals being born, all the rabbits, corn dogs, sweating, and more importantly just being there.

It's not the healthiest of eating events, but I've been pretty on-task in my participating in a competitive body building work-out series. So, I feel that by the time I get there, I will have completed a 2.5 month routine of drinking 2-3 protein shakes a day. Not to mention the 4-6 chicken breast, cups of veggies and the handful of vitamins I take for cancer fighting power. As far as I can tell, I'm the stongest, leanest, and most tone I've been in my entire life. This might have been what the 'girl' was noticing out the corner of her eye when we saw each other at the gym last week. It was clear a high level of chemistry continues to be shared between us, and in those few moments, the rest of my strength returned to me; it was an odd experience. She looked great was back to her athletic size and shape (not that it mattered to me) versus the too thinned out look we both ended up with after that ordeal.  I did what I said I was going to in those 26.2 miles of a marathon that we ran. " I going to go animal mode and grow when this is all over." I mentioned as we agreed to strive and live as healthy as we could as individuals and partners from that point forward. Well, it took till I got out West to get enough of the regular things I needed to make it happen. A blender of some sort (I do miss the Vitamix machine), enough quality cheap fruits and vegetables, a world-class gym, and sunlight!! My clothes don't fit me like they used to, and that's a good sign and a great reason to do a little shopping when I get back home. So, before I embark on the Great Minnesota Get Together, I will take a picture to remember what I look like before I go pig-out!

On a different note, think I've discovered a great new way to screen potential dating partners! Hahaha. I recently posted a craigslist ad for 'help with quick book entries' and the responses I got were interesting. People either had experience or didn't, but they all wanted to come and demonstrate for me what they knew. To my amazement, 4/5 of the females that replied where unemployed, good-looking, and 'available' for anything beyond the work project. I could only laugh because of how much luck I've had with other dating apps or sites (little) compared to just putting out a job offered. It is stupid. Whatever happen to just meeting people organically or through friends?! Ah, that's right, it doesn't usually work that well and why the dating sites and apps were developed. So, we'll see. I might just stick to meeting semi-nice girls at Starbucks. Hahaha.

Dating, Relationships, And The Meaning Of Life..?!?...Continued from August 14th

It's Friday! Friday! As I usually do, I strive to be more like the weatherman and comment on the weather. Today had a beautiful mist, cool air with a high level of probability that the sun will be out in the afternoon! And even if it stays cloudy, I've got a POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE like Natasha Bedingfield says!! This really translates into good sleeping and stay in bed weather! LOL. Although, today, I just wanted to stay in bed cause I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat. Blah.

I had a couple of personal developments last weekend that started out last Saturday night after I went out with the Minnesota mystery girl. The outing was fair, but it ultimately ended early for her and then became a later night for me and my housemate. It was while we were out in the scene that it hit me ...the sensation that something was not right was in the air. As usual, I carried on, had a drink, and shot the shit with my housemate while we watched people dance while participating in the dating game! It was fun, but periodically, I had to take in a deep breath and wonder if my former was fine. Depending on your take on the interconnection of people that are close or have a deeper connection, it persists regardless of distance or time. We, or maybe more I, are still connected.

As much as I wanted to shake it, I couldn't, and I did what I might normally do any given day without letting the atmosphere steer me any one way. Then it happened--we ran into each other at the gym I've been going to since my arrival. Lots happened in those few seemingly timeless moments, and then we resumed what we were doing: her beginning her workout and me ending mine and leaving with my work-out partner. I felt light in the aftermath of it and that time was on my side. We still have it for each other, and people around us could see it. Then the chemistry between us, which was intoxicating..., only made it more clear we still have some things to work out between us one way or another! Lol. At some point, I will dialog about this dynamic part of dating and relationships after my present talk. It's my perspective on human beings, the Universe, and the intangible connections we have over time that we either acknowledge or become tormented by in a life-time.

The last time we finished talking about the Dating, Relationships and The Meaning Of Life subject, I left off asking a series of directional questions to follow after you get through your initial screening and determine you should meet this person, if you didn't meet them from the get-go, for the first time. Do you wait to test for chemistry or not? It can depend on the social scripting a person has or grew up with or maybe even their last dating experience, but, personally, I like to get in an initial kiss some time that first meet-up if I think it's on! I do this to verify that there is an actual interest on both parts. I also do this, pending the gal wants to also, to take in more of their pheromones by the proximity. If it's on, it's on! Then the rituals of dating. How many dates? What kind of dates leading up to that all-important day when the two of you determine to take kissing into the experience, which may happen or may not. It could happen the next day you meet up. It might happen the next day depending on how the night goes. Whatever the case is, keep in mind, the screening doesn't stop there!!

Most of our lives we've been shown or told that once you get to sharing sex, it's more or less a slam dunk! Right?! Everything will work itself out. "You'll know what to do once you get there," one of my uncles once told me. I'm gonna have to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, the truth...you've been likely living a fantasy world or half lie!! Hahaha. It's true! Once you actually get to the sex act itself things may go easier in figuring out what the other person is like, but this is when your education begins as a man and/or necessarily as the woman. You have to start communicating. However you do it, and what's working or not. For men, it seems we have to pay attention to a lot of things. How to kiss. What to kiss. What to do with your other hand when it comes to touching or undressing if you're just getting into it. Admittedly, some people are a bit more natural at this part, but it's not intuitive even if there are some general trends one can use to get into it. Your combined perception of sex and how it's supposed to go will be on display in these very moments. You may be shy or not. You should be patient and wait to be guided if your partner is a little slower at moving than you. Maybe you speed up in getting through the "FOREPLAY," or maybe you persist in it for a while cause you're letting the tension build up as you explore!! 

Yes!! Explore! This is the time to see what you're getting into quite literally, and if you're really into that person and the chemical connection is high, you will want to take this time to take all of them in whatever way you can or are able. Think about it. Anything you can do to learn more of your partner's body, its texture, its shape, and smell only will bring you, and necessarily your partner's, level of arousal even higher. You will more quickly discover what makes your partner's body sing! You want this to happen so that when you actually get to actual sexual intercourse, you're not that far off from climaxing if you haven't already brought your partner there by the exploring and the 'taking in' of them. 

Before too long, you're into it! You finally have moved into the position where she or he is able to receive you in the most intimate embrace of your entire existence! You have to move in a rhythmic fashion together or at least try because this is where most guys get it wrong! Why? You get it wrong because you know that you're 'together' and there is some exploration yet to be done!! Her deepest secrets are millimeters away from 'you', and this part of her person should be explored for sensation and finding those very small spots that have the highest nerve bundles in her body. Generally know as pleasure zones ( "G" or "O" spots), it's important to try and find them in the process of staying on point. It may happen the first time, but it might not. Whichever the case is, your partner will appreciate you all the more for not becoming a jack-hammer and trying to pound her into the apartment below! LOL. But, finding these zones will help you help her find a constant seemingly never-ending orgasm that she will thank you for when it's all over because there are more than just one type of orgasms for women! We guys only get one. More importantly, she will thank you with being more available to you even if she has another lover (cause that happens more than you might think). Taking the time to explore your partner, enjoying every aspect of her/his body (with enough time and positive affirmation...cause women are insecure about their body's more than they admit to), and continuing the exploration once you make your way into their"secret garden" will make her remember the experience for years to come even if you don't say together. It's true. 

There you have it! We've gone from pre-screening potential dating partners to meeting that person 'en vivo' to deciding if, indeed, she or he will become a mate. Then, what happens after the fact leading up to that initial sexual encounter. So now what? You've tested the waters, and they are sweet. The person you just had an experience with is interesting and obviously into you enough for a potential follow up round or two. You feel she or he might be worth the while of getting to know more than this superficial but really intense experience. This is the dating and relationships component of the talk that I'm not sure I can speak about, but I may. I left out a lot of the step-to-step details on what to do or not in the bedroom, but I will come back to it in the near future. I hope you enjoyed the talk and consider that list of things that are more or as important as sex because now, if you aren't having the experience I just wrote about, what are you doing and why? Just a thought or two!! There it is.

Time: Future and the Past..

It's Monday! Ah, yes. Monday. I have the day off, and my body tells me I need it. I ran yesterday morning with my friend I politely dub 'my health insurance policy' because she's an ER doctor and on my speed dial! LOL. As old as she is (we're the same age), she's still got it even after three kids! LOL. Apart from the excessive heat, I think I need some new running shoes so I can keep on my running training program for this Fall's TC 10.

Yes, I signed up for it again. I ran it for the first time last year as something healthy to do but also so my, at the time, significant K.C. could run it with me and my office mate Dani. The weather turned out to be freezing the morning of the race...34 degrees to be exact!! Yikes!! Good memories that became the incentive and motivation to run the LA marathon some number of months later.

The weekend was interesting to say the least, but I think I will leave most of the commentary for the Dating, Relationships and The Meaning of Life talk that I'll pick up again this coming Friday. I needed a day or two to articulate what I think happened! LOL.

In the picture to the left is a pretty close to the movie edition of Back To The Future's time machine the Delorian. A time machine!! God only knows what I would do with one of those! If I could go back in time, I would travel back to the day I decided not to pursue becoming a medical doctor and force myself to do it. If I could go back in time, I would tell a young girl that was falling in love with me to not do it so she could go off to college and find someone that was actually 'emotionally available' to her and just stayed friends. God only knows if I could go back in time, the things I would tell myself that nobody told me; cause most of us just don't know and hence, the propagation of the rich and the exploitation of the poor. Yes, if I could travel back in time, I would do a lot of things differently, but we don't get to do that. We get right now! We get tomorrow when we get to it...if we get to it.

If you had a chance to go back in time, what would to go back to to see again. What would you say to yourself? And if you did, how do you think your life would be different now? I can tell you that maybe somethings might change...maybe. Backstreet Boys' Quit Playing Games....

Dating, Relationships, And The Meaning Of Life..?!?...Continued from August 10th

It's Friday!! At the office in Minneapolis, the back office biller would play this ridiculous Rebecca Black song-FRIDAY. It drove us nuts, but eventually it was just funny. Today's picture is me sitting at one of the offices I service in the south side of LA waiting for the police to arrive. Why? Cause someone managed to break into the place without a key or breaking any door window glass. "Interesting," I thought considering what was stolen--all the unattached computers, the back safe, and a few of the adjusting instruments. As I reviewed what I saw as I walked into the place with the second doc on deck, we concluded that someone must've had a key to pull that job off and attempted to make it look like it was a break in. The police agreed. Either way, the day turned out to be a fair one with my now regular drive home via the PCH into Malibu and through its canyon.

The last few days have been good. It's my last of two days of work this week, and I'm giddy that I'm meeting up with my Minnesota gal tomorrow night for some chow and a movie. I'm a little old school when it comes to going out on social events! LOL. As will be the case moving forward, I have no expectations of her other than showing up, being in the moment, and having a good time. Somehow I feel that's a good mix of things that people meeting up to socialize with one another should do remembering some things and leaving others in the past. Will it go anywhere? I have no idea. What I do know, is that there is high level of interest as there has been from the beginning, and I'm open to whatever happens or not as I should be considering! LOL. But, it's the next blog day, and I think we should get closer to the conclusion of this Dating, Relationships, and the Meaning of Life talk.

Last Monday I left off at the follow-up question to Question #6, that is Question #6.1, "How is sex for you?" This was essentially drawing out what the woman's experience or ability to achieve orgasm is in the activity leading up to the sex act or during the actual activity of sex itself. Recall that I mentioned the woman should be able to do so before the guy gets to his climax (If the guy has some kind of control of himself.) because he should be knowledgeable of your body and how it works. Also, his goal or objective in the sex interplay is to pleasure you or guide you to climax well before he reaches it or keep the two events as close as possible. I know that was a lot of stuff, but it continues to be true that 80% of the women in the world can't achieve orgasm under regular circumstances and much less with a newer lover. Everyone's sex is good according to them, but what does that mean? It could very well mean that she's not gonna tell you she can't climax or has a hard time doing so. And, you as a guy and participating gal should keep paying attention to the following.

It very well can mean that when that woman is in front of you, she's going to answer Question 6.1 in a manner that essentially says, "It's good," but it may also mean that she has no idea what good sex is in its basic expression, and it should involve achieving orgasm regularly! There are gonna be those times when it just doesn't happen, but if its the norm, something is needing some attention. Right about now, a lot of women reading this are spitting out their reasons why 'they can't' or what the 'conditions' are under which they can or feel most 'comfortable' in 'letting go' enough to reach it.

Let's respond to the general notion of conditions and being comfortable. If you're getting naked in front of someone and letting them be intimate with you (to put it nicely), I'm not sure you're gonna get any more comfortable than that!! It's the most exposed and vulnerable position to be in with another person, and at that point, all your inhibitions should be put aside....unless you're not being honest about how 'good' it really is or that maybe you need some more guidance. There are all kinds of reasons why women don't achieve orgasm. It could be they haven't taken the time to explore themselves enough to understand how it goes. It could be the guy they're with is a dud. It could be they've never really had an orgasm and are still clueless on what it's really like beyond 'sex' feeling really good. It could be that their upbringing didn't allow them the mental "It's O.K.," to explore that part of their humanity.

Lots of times, there is a misconception that the man is responsible for all aspects of the female orgasm, and I have to say that's just not true. Why?! If you don't want to have sex with yourself, why on God's green Earth would you expect anyone else to want to! True story. People exude a certain amount of energy, some of it is the sexual variety, and the more in touch you are with that part of yourself, the more likely you are to have 'something' to share with someone else and glow with it. Sharing. Yes. The act of sex is an act of sharing. You are sharing yourself, your humanity, and its very basic need to connect if only in that basic physical manner. But, there is more to it than just 'slapping skin', and why, being able as a woman in pursuit of it as a man, achieving the female climax is so important.

So why is that climax experience important to achieve? It's important for a number of reasons to include psychological, physical health, and the interconnected human experience that comes from it and the fostering of sociological health in and outside of the relationship. The ability to assist and achieve (male and female respectively) female orgasm affirms that the person you are sharing the experience with is interested in being an equal partner and not just a selfish player. The chemical release of Oxycontin fosters 'bonding' types of sentiments that help keep a relationship going and healthy; it helps the body relax and has a number of other physiologic effects to include those ones that are like taking drugs. This is why there are a lot of sex addicts out there; they get that same level of high they would from taking an illegal drug accept its legal, virtually free, and addictive. So gents, all the more reason to work toward that goal..she will want to share more of it with you, but then again, so will you.

When a guy is able to bring a female to climax or assist in the process, it works on his 'manhood' and his perceived ability 'able to do' set of skills. It tells him that he has the ability to satisfy and more importantly, in the right settings, achieve the steps necessary to foster the kind of relationship that will or could lead to procreation even if its not the conscious goal. The sentiment of 'being able to please' is part of our hard-wiring as people. It validates our being from our very core outward, and when we can do it well, we feel more connected to not only the person in front of us but humankind on the whole.

Otherwise, when we can't or you as a female can't achieve orgasm, it's like we never get to punch out of work proverbially speaking. Unfortunately, if the guy doesn't realize this (if he genuinely is taking the time to figure out how you work), his manhood takes a hit by what is an apparent failure in his 'able to do' list. This is the same for women!! If a guy you're with wasn't able to climax while having sex with you, how would you feel?! Like you're not attractive, or "it's" not that good otherwise he'd be done the minute it started! Right?!  So, it's important to invest some time in the very quality of sex we're going to have or plan on participating in by doing some screening of what "It's good," really means for a gal or a guy.

So now what? We've screened a potential dating partner, and you, more or less, given them the green light to go out, and maybe you get to that first date and discover you have a little bit of chemistry. What now? Do you wait to test the chemistry discovery or not? It can depend on the social scripting that a person has or grew up with or maybe even their last dating experience, but I like to get in an initial kiss. I do this to verify that there is an actual interest on both parts. I also do this, pending the gal wants to also, to take in more of their pheromones. If it's on, it's on! Then the rituals of dating. How many dates? What kind of dates leading up to that all important day when the two of you determine to take the kissing to the next level. This is a more involved deal that we will have to go over in the upcoming conclusion talk on Dating, Relationships, and The Meaning Of Life... To Be Continued Monday 08/17/15.

 

Dating, Relationships, And The Meaning Of Life?!?...Continued from Aug 7th.

MONDAY, MANIC MONDAY!! AUGUST 10, 2015

Whew! Another Monday is upon us, and I should feel a little stressed because it's a manic kinda day of the week, but it's one of my days off so I'm working into it slowly. I had to thank the Starbucks' gal that spelled my name right this time. Yes. I mean....it just not me when they spell it "PHIL". That name belongs to another 'doctor' that worked down the street from me a couple of years back. A coffee and morning bun after my protein shake to start out my day!

This is largely due to the fact that I had a later night than I anticipated. Why? It was karaoke night last night, and the crowd was decent. More importantly, I took a nap right before I was gonna leave to catch a drink at Ollies in Malibu, but ya know.. I thought I could get in a 20-30 minute snooze only to wake up a couple of hours later than scheduled! LOL. So, it was a straight drive to the karaoke show in Santa Monica. The drive was relatively quick. The air was cool, and the traffic was about right. I couldn't even believe it! "What a nice f'n night!" I thought as I walked into the place. A few songs later and along the way I stepped outside to take in some of the air and catch whatever remaining flickers of sunset could be seen off in the horizon.

It was on one of these 'breathers' that a long-haired blond woman walked up to me with her companion pointing out my Minnesota Northstars hat. Like it was a homing beacon or something! LOL. It didn't take long before the normal back and forth exchange took place between us like people seemingly from the same 'country' that ran into each other in a foreign land. It was funny and likely just a touch uncomfortable for her friend. Most people don't get it...they don't see how being from Minnesota is like coming from a foreign country, and when you find someone that has 'escaped' from it, you want to know all the details!! We talked about what high schools we went to respectively, how long we lived in the area, and what we did, and we instantly connected. She was tall. I'd say she was about 5'7-8" and athletic in build. Her eyes were as bright as her straight white teeth, but I couldn't quite make out eye color in the light without staring too intently at her. Then, I heard my name called over the MIC, "Fil Thunder is up next!" I dismissed myself and invited the two in not knowing she had worked there in years past. Funny, we had never seen each other in all those years. I sang my song. She watched out of the corner of her eye from time to time. Eventually, as the night moved on, she walked up to me and let me know she was interested without so many words. I laughed at how close she stood next to me to tell me because I know what was happening from the time she pointed out my Northstars hat--she was making decisions that led to that very moment in time and others later in the evening which brings us to the following question in my Dating, Relationships & The Meaning Of Life Series!!

Last time, I left off at Question #6 in the 'screening a potential' dating partner and maybe a potential mate after the fact. The question is, "Do you enjoy sex?" I'm sure I left a few of you laughing while others mildly uncomfortable, but given the basic premise from which I propose all things that we do in life from the moment we wake up to the time we hit the hay at the end of the day, we as human beings are in the business of facilitating one of our most basic and organic needs--the need to mate or the process of procreating (even if that's not the desired end result). It's true. I'm sure people are already making a list of things that they live for or aspire to live like, and this is a good thing. Make it, and if you're married or single, come back to that list at the end of this short dialog and see if it still makes sense or if it takes on a new light.

Do you enjoy sex? When I have asked this question in the past, I'm usually in front of the person that I'm asking it so I can read their behavior..their non-verbal language that is 85% of communication. Most peoples' knee-jerk response is, "Who doesn't?!" I know right. Who doesn't? Well, unfortunately, lots of people don't actually like sex or enjoy it very much because any number of experiences they had in childhood or their adult life in general ruined it for them. Being in front of that person and asking them that question and then saying nothing afterward is key as you wait and watch for what they are saying or about to say!

What do they do? What do say? How do they say it? Do they laugh? Do they smile? Do they cringe? Do they look away? Do they give you a typical knee-jerk response? What are they doing? You have to wait and not break the silence, if there is a silence, right after delivering (And, yes, the method of delivery is important!) this question because in those few moments of silence is the answer you are seeking! The person may be relieved you asked! They may smile and say ever so quietly, "Yes," while they open up to you and let one of their protective boundary layers down for a moment, and it's in this moment that you have to connect or not and then find yourself in 'no man's land.

Now there are a few things that should happen or be said in this immediate moment in time and the conversation, but somewhere along the way, if they're in front of you, you will have decided if you actually are into that person and visa versa. Sometimes you knowing there is some level of interest prompts you to ask. You will know this because you will find yourself getting physically closer to them. Whatever they say or even what you say could be complete nonsense but make complete sense to the two of you in those moments because you're connecting and what follows is a dance you will not likely forget from that moment forward. The person will put themselves in more open and 'inviting' positions versus 'distance' ones in relation to your physical locality (There is a whole science behind this part of the deal for a different blog). All of these things will take place in auto-pilot, and you need to be aware that the auto-pilot is taking over because this may be one of several indicators that it is on!! That's your job, and it's the most important one to know about you and the situation as it stands. Still with me?!   

What is more likely to happen is the opposite! The person may be turned off by the asking of this question and may take offense depending on how you met them. These are the people that likely will not be a good match for you. Because it may imply that there is a whole ritual that they want you to go through in order for them to feel comfortable with you. I get it. And when I come across these types of people, I put them in the LP (Long Play) list. You will have likely noticed this along the way in asking the questions leading up to Question #6, and with enough practice, you will learn to decide if you should bother asking the question or if for some reason your options are limited and you have to do the Long Play dance. But these days, there are so many options available at your fingers tips that the idea that you or that other person is that much more special than someone else is really self-delusional, and again should be compared against the remaining questions after #6, but usually it's over at this point. If this is the case, you've just saved yourself hours of uncertainty, money, and opened yourself up to other potential opportunities. But, let us proceed from the perspective that the two of you are into each other!

Now, the two of you are in front of each other more closely than you may have started or at least in positions that are more 'open' to the other after just having gone over Question #6. Now what?! What is the direction that you follow from this point forward?! You ask a follow-up question to number six! You've spent the time to get through all the other questions hopefully with a few laughs and some growing, shared mutual interest. You're both likely a little 'turned-on' from the auto-pilot kicking in and moving one or both of you closer to the other, and this is important! It's important because in getting closer to the other one of your basic human behaviors is to 'take in' the other person's scent...their pheromones and chemically deciding if you want to go forward into the great known but still unknown territory of mating as it relates to this person. This is also true because in the lead-up to that ever so important behavior question of sex you both have been thinking about it. You've been watching and in some instances, more than others, mimicking the other's behaviors leading to limbic-brain stimulation that leads to a greater release of those ever so important and deciding pheromone factors. So, you ask, or at least you should ask directly (confidence is key) or indirectly how it is for them? Or more directly, "How is sex for you?"

Question #6.1 is a clean and important follow-up question because the person sitting in front of you has a really good idea of how sex is or has been for them, and it could be very different than what you want to participate in. This is run-of-the-mill garden variety sex play, intellectually speaking, and it's either really good, good, or uncertain because of any number of factors. I hear this answer a lot. Everyone thinks their sex is the best sex, and once you get a proverbial "taste" of it, you may be inclined to agree...or not. It could happen!! But, you need to explore this statement a little bit further. What does it mean that it's good? Physiologically speaking, men, or at least the vast majority of them, functioning physically, will achieve orgasm by simply being near or around a woman much more so if they actually get to have sex with them. Like anything else in life, you have to have a good level of confidence when walking into the unknown, and your intellectual but still verbal investigation not only expresses you have a high level of confidence in what you have to offer but it will also be a turn-on to your new dance partner!

However, there are only a few skilled or knowledgeable men out there that know this. We will finish, but we, or at least, I want to know if you will! Are you, the woman, able to achieve orgasm while in the act of sex or things leading up to it or sometime in the proverbial back and forth exploration with proper play!? Notice I didn't bring up the back end of it, being able to achieve orgasm after sex implies you should be able to do so before the guy does...if he's taken the time to understand you. That being said, there are 70% of women or more that have trouble just achieving orgasm and much fewer during sex. This is a scary problem that we will get into in more detail in this coming Friday's California Dreaming update. #GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife

Dating, Relationships, &The Meaning of Life..!?! Monday August 3rd-7th.

It's another fabulous Monday mostly because I have a free day and the weather is spectacular...like most days. The weekend consisted of the basics: client services, checking out a few of the "dating apps", exercise, reading, and journal writing. Somewhere along the way I found myself in a conversation with a gal I had never met but was considering meeting up with for something arbitrary like a coffee or a protein shake. As I was stuck waiting for friend to pick me up, I figured there couldn't be any harm in chatting a bit and going through the normal questions I ask of any woman I may potentially meet for a date. You have to do this because there is still a notion among most women, even the successful ones, that you-the 'man'-must or should pay. LOL. In the interest of conserving resources and time, I screen women I will meet. Let's face it, you don't always get what the picture or the verbiage on the page looks or reads like! True story! (This could lead into an entire different conversation about gender equality,etc. etc., but that's a different blog topic.) And even then, if I'm not sure or have never met them before, I'll meet them out for coffee, or a protein shake, and in the rare instance, happy hour. It's then, in that one hour of time (usually in the first few moments) that decisions are being made. If we have chemistry, and they get by the screening questions (or not) we decide we should meet up for a more official outing...whatever that's suppose to be. If it's a no go, I use a classic chic line, "My friends are texting me to meet them down the street," and then you politely leave, text that person it's not gonna work out, and save the rest of your night from pretending you're interested when in fact they "didn't have you at hello!" Or the opposite it true, you hit it off, and see them again if not just see how far the night will go. Just sayin.

When you meet people organically, it's a lot different. You have the opportunity wherever it is to answer most of the questions you should be asking on the spot about that person especially if you see them in their normal life routine like at the gym or morning coffee at Starbucks (cause that's where I meet most of the gals I end up dating: gym or coffee). When a person is in their daily routine, they're in their most natural non-threatened or defensive state of mind. All that they are is there in their facial expressions, their tone of voice and the way they move or what they're doing with their phone as you chat (or not).

You can tell a lot about a person from just basic observation. You can see what you're getting at least in the health department and 'chemistry' side of it in those very few minutes. It's pretty much a five minute decision process from the time that person walks into the place, stands in line, and orders whatever they're gonna order followed by waiting. Then out comes a decision...do I talk to them or not? Do I make eye contact with them or not? Should I say something or not? The rest of what follows is part of a process that I've developed as a screening methodology for potential dating partners. I've used it for years up until recently.

Throughout the years of dating and relationships, working in the nightlife industry, and the study of human behavior, I've learned and refined a good number of observation skills that more or less give me a road map into the trends most people likely fall into when it comes to their dating ability or viability-their ability to actually be a good dating candidate. This is what dating web-sites try and do for most people..match peoples' thoughts, preferences, and 'wants' into a category that they feel will give that member the highest level of success at what???? No one really answers this question. What are you most likely gonna have the highest success at? Hmmmm. OK. Someone likes going to baseball games, or movies, or hiking, etc. etc. But, does having a few common hobby or interest gonna put two people together? Not likely. Having similar interests or things to do together will, on the other hand, give you the opportunity to develop some familiarity with the other, which could be useful if you're sitting at home doing nothing.

The 'familiar' activity gives a person an opportunity to let their guard down just enough so they're not out on the dating offensive being someone different than they really might be because it's natural instinct to go into 'mating' behavior where we put our 'best' image forward so we can do what? MATE!! Or at least attract one that we can mate with if we can get by the actual communication of that part. That is, how do I tell or express to someone that I want to 'mate' with them?! LOL. Isn't that the money question!  Let's not forget this all so important point--we are human beings created or evolved to mate at the very core of our being. Everything we do from the beginning of our life starting from the time we wake till the end of the day is the process of facilitating our primal instinct to mate. How it is one goes about finding and securing a mate is sometimes referred to as 'having game.' How's your game?!

Anyone that tells you otherwise, is also selling a bridge in New York for cheap. As a society, we are taught to downplay this very critical part of our being. In some conservative environments, we are taught that it, SEX, is a special activity that has a place and a time, and any expression of it before those parameters is wrong or should be looked down upon. All of our lives we're told sex an adult experience. All our lives we're told that sex is the same experience or will be if we end up with one or the other person. All our lives we're told, that it, SEX, is only best experienced as the physical expression of a deeply emotional and committed life connection with a person that we are involved with and "in love". I agree that we do want to have meaningful experiences, which means what exactly? Another good factor in the equation of dating, mating, and relationships, but before we get that far, let's get to the questions one might want to consider answering before shelling out the money, time and effort of going out and actually meeting someone.

It's Friday. Friday, August 7th, 2015

The weather is spectacular outside. I'm visiting a new office today that was relatively close to my place and will allow me to stop by the Gold's Gym on the way home! Yes! LOL.

When we last left off, I was in the beginning stages of discussing a series of questions I've developed over the years that I use to screen women I may meet out for an initial outing or an actual date depending on how the questions go and how they actually are in person. This is largely based on the basic principle that we all have a basic human behavior and need to mate and find everything that comes with it (E.I. companionship, romance, family, etc. etc.) The questions are now just past seven with varying levels of importance. So, let's begin.

Question #1: Are you married!? I know that's a basic kind of question when you think that you might be meeting someone for a potential dating partner that will most certainly include some physical interactions. It should be a no-brainer, but not so much. There are people that are married on the dating market. Depending on how you're advertising, the married ones may be looking for someone that they feel will fill in the missing parts of their marriage. It could be, on a rare occasion, that the person may just have a deviant behavior pattern and getting away with something of that nature is how they feel they are in control of their problem without ruining their actual marriage--but that's not as common as the other reasons why married people are putting themselves out there.

It could be that they want to see what their options are, which again begs to question what is going on at home that they need to "get out". I've heard a number of things over the years from the married ones that I've seen out without their husband or wife when I worked in the nightlife industry. Some of it is just the thrill of doing something wrong, or they're bored, or their partner isn't fulfilling their physical needs. Whatever the excuse, you need to be careful to not get involved emotionally, if you're gonna make the mistake of getting involved at all for anything at all much less anything regular, with a married person. Chances are they're not gonna leave their spouse for you. So if you're in it for some non-committal fun keep that in mind. So, say no.

Question #2: Are you divorced!? This has started to become a per/case basis for me at least. Six years ago, I would have just passed them by to avoid the complication of an X-husband hovering around or you getting the results of a marriage gone bad. But, now I'm 41, and the dating pool around my age bracket if more than 68% divorcies. If I date younger women, by lets say 7-10 years, the percentage drops down to about 30% having a history of divorce. So, I've learned to ask about it. I learned real fast if you're gonna do it, you have to have a few 'healthy talk' standards set up and stick to them as you Que to get out!! That way, if they cross those lines with any level of regularity, it's the sign you need to get out and let them back into the lake (catch and release). There are some really nice people that end up with a changing partner or find themselves in a divorce for other reasons, and you have to ask why? What was the cause of the divorce? Was it infidelity, poor performance, bad sex or worse-no sex? You have to get to the root of that divorce because you will not be the one to "save" them from themselves. Save yourself the money, time, and heartache that comes from any of the above questions being "Yes."

Question #3: Do you have children?! It's a matter of three things here. One, if they're young, how much time and influence does their father have over their relationship with their mother--the woman you're gonna date if you decide to go with a divorced one. I'm not sure about you, but I'm a one penis relationship kinda of guy. I don't want some other dick poking his head around in my relationship. So, in general, if you have children and an obsessive or over-involved X-husband, the answer is usually gonna be "pass" unless you're gonna keep it real casual, but even then. The rule of Jerry McGuire still applies in the single mom instances.

Question #4: Are you a foreign national?! As in, "Do you need a green card?" I know that sounds discriminatory considering I come from a Mexican family, but I don't really want to have to deal with all those complications just to be married or involved with someone. Again, if it's just some short-term fun, I guess, but I'm usually the one visiting or traveling to other places. LOL. Just sayin.

Question #5: Do you take any psychotropic or anti-depressant medications?! Yeah. I actually don't ask that right away if we're good on the first few questions or if I meet a gal organically like at Starbucks or something, but it may come up if other things start to present themselves. I will talk about this more under Question #7.

Question #6: Do you feel you enjoy sex? I'm sure eyeballs just rolled, but let's face it, the basic premise behind dating is to get to mating! Right?! TO BE CONTINUED MONDAY AUGUST 10, TH.