Friday! Friday! Weekly Review: Cancellation Notices, #Whatsmissinginthispicture? Updated 10/31/15 10:05 AM PST

It's Friday! Friday! Friday! T.G.I.F.! LOL. It's another weekly review of a rant from a Midwest guy in the land of milk and honey! This week is a special week because it's been the lead up to Halloween!! Yep. I've devised what I think will be the best costume ever even if it's not an original. I will show you pictures after I get it put together and on for tomorrow night's Halloween bash somewhere fun, full of people, and hopefully with good dance music!

Today started out pretty much like most of my Friday's with me sticking my feet out into the room's cool air to wake up. It lasted about 30 seconds before I shot out of bed with some high level of urgency because yesterday I got a short note from KC. It was because she got a cancellation notice from my Google Calendar notifier that essentially read: End of Ninth Month of Pregnancy. Location: Baby Out of 'KC' Belly.  As you might expect, that didn't go over so well with her. I had created 'Event's' for us when we were family planning and activities we talked about doing so we both had reminders for our new apartment move-in date, trimesters, baby classes, etc, and the last one for this week.

I finally had the emotional strength to start deleting those this last week. It was hard to do, but in doing so, I had no idea that KC was getting email "Cancellation" notices for everything that had just happened or hadn't including the above. 

I felt horrible realizing how she likely felt getting them especially after I had just sent her such a nice set

of flowers, again, as a good will gesture. I was deleting them so that what happened didn't happened in the first place. I apologize for the cancellation notices she got making it clear they were not sent intentionally. So, that was the level of urgency that got me out of my bed today cause I thought that maybe she might've listened to my explanation a bit more in person or maybe just talk, but that didn't happen. :( I waited for her to maybe show up at Starbucks as I have in times past, but I think she needed some time to let out a little steam.. I get it. The email I sent her along with a follow up all of the other since I've been in California I will publish at some point because I think it's important for people to know what I've been saying, and what she hasn't said in response. It is what it is.

In my email to KC, I brought up the Brenne Brown book titled "Daring Greatly" that deals with the subject of being vulnerable so that you might be able to enjoy life more and not be so protected from it. I brought it up because as I've read the book it had began to change my perception of KC, myself, and our relationship. I had actually started the book back in February but didn't get far into it, but I knew it was something that maybe she could find some insight into a few of the things she mentioned she struggled with in her person. 

The same email, as in other past ones (there are only 4 other emails I've sent), I reaffirm that I don't have any hate for her, "Not even close....none..Not even a little bit. Not at all," because of everything. I did inform her that she didn't keep her end of a deal we had made together back in May (Published in the book and blog presently), and that it was the only thing that had brought meaning to any of the things that have happened since April 1st. It is because she didn't keep her end of the deal at the last minute that the blog story was re-posted, I included a number of topics not covered in the original in detail now in the upcoming published book version, and that she had had a deciding factor in it's publishing or not.

In the end, I mentioned her overall reaction to us, my arrival, and everything has been less than polite. I mentioned the weather and how I wished I could share some of it with her even as a silent figure in her life because you know the social collateral she created won't stand for us being together or talking, but what the hell do they know?! What do they really care? As soon as the 'drama' is over, people go right back to their life hoping you get it right this time...cause they only really understand someone having issues a couple of times; then after that, something is wrong with you, and then they say, "That's just the way so and so is," and they move on. I called her to confirm she got the email, and reiterated a few of the same things and laughed mildly at the fact one of her favorite days was coming up in November. I let her know she's welcome to find me because she knows exactly where to if she ever needed. "Cause you're still family to me hotdog." Hahahaha.

It is the best kind of weather because of the time of year. I mentioned a few other things that I thought were more small talk and basic conversational stuff, and whether it was clear or not, that she knew the reason some of my time here has felt empty... #Whatsmissinginthispicture ! I mentioned that I foolishly sit at Starbucks now and then hoping she might walk in like she did in days past, sit and join me for a coffee, and start anew talk with me, and then leave in a hurry to get to work. I know it could happen when the time is right, and stupid tech-unsavvy moves like cancellation notices don't put a wrench in the works, it will. I say this knowing I'm open to talking and being on better social terms with her but not likely the relational option.  In the end, I reminded her that she is still family to me even if she chooses not to participate, and that she should know how I feel, but it's about forgiveness even if she doesn't love me.  

The rest of the week leading up to yesterday and today was pretty basic. I went back and forth with my publisher on topics. I managed to get all of my pictures approved for use, and the cover picture is one everyone has seen with a different filter for the book. Brilliant. I often reflect on what is missing in my picture without reflecting on what the picture has in it. I have a dog. I live in a house. I drive by the ocean every few days a week on my way to work. I have a job that I'm pretty close to being the top doc in the company nation-wide. I get to sing karaoke with some of the best singers in the country. I work in Malibu some days, and I have my health, a few good friends, and enough of what I need. I have enough... and how much more glorious it would be to have KC in more of it, but it's been good without her too but not the same as I dreamed it. I guess when the time comes you will see my love for you will still be strong after The Boys Of Summer have gone.

Manic Monday...Old & New Places, People, and Things.

It's another Manic Monday, and the beginning of a new week. Not to mention the end of another month-October! This is exciting for at least one good reason; it's Halloween on Saturday!! I suppose I'll have to dust off one of my costumes and figure out where I should end up at this year. That being said, the weekend is still going for me at the present moment. I have the day off again this week leaving me all kinds of time to run, sweat, and cook less food for the day!

The weather the last few days has been more like "Indian Summer" if I can still use that and still be politically correct. The nights are cool, the mornings have much more moisture, and the days eventually warm up into the middle 80s with occasional clouds and an over-cast skies! I'm really enjoying it. I just checked my weather tracker, cause I keep tabs of the weather in the Homeland, and it says that it's a cool 49 degrees! Yikes. I'd have to break out my Northface gear for that, which, as most people do from the Home land, I really love doing! LOL.

Saturday night ended with a wet pair of shorts, and my hair looking a mess after an unplanned pool party invitation happened. My housemate had a friend that was hosting at their place. I thought about not going cause it was gonna be late, but I figured that I wouldn't have anything else to do besides think or worse wonder around town looking for a counter to lean on while I people watche. So, the pool party. It was fun, but ultimately the guy to available girl ratio was not in my favor. LOL.

Yesterday was exercise catch up day. This is the day I go to the gym to do all the random unrelated exercises that I missed during the week for one reason or another. It's not a long gym visit, but it can be intense at times. It was also Sunday, and since I got my running shoes in the mail, I've been wanting to get to a long running path and see what I can still do. This lead me to the PCH, and the few hills that exist there. The traffic was a bit more fierce than I was comfortable with considering the number pedestrian fatalities lately. This lead me to Zuma beach. The waves were high and loud, and the parking was actually pretty good cause it's the "off" season. Hahaha. The sound of the waves was entertaining for a few minutes, and than I ran. I worked my way down the 1.5 miles of parking along the way and then back for a total of 4 miles--cause I ran past my Jeep to the other side of the beach front sand and back. I stopped a few times to catch my breath and stretch a bit, but it was good, and the sun was hot.

When it was time..I managed the drive up to Ollie's to have a burger. As has been my custom as of late, I check the lot for Kull's blue machine. Not seeing it, I walked in. I guess I would've walked in anyway cause I could stand some conversation with her. Hahahaha. As is the case every time I walk into the place, the bartender, Nicole, smiled and told me "It's a been a little bit." We yapped about the game and Tom moving up to Tahoe, and eventually I ordered the usual burger I get and got two beer choices from Nicole to pick from. In the end, I laughed, along with everyone one else at the counter, that one guy across the bar was so loud in his conversation that we wanted to offer opinion on his dilemma. We caught up on Nicole's life, and she eventually got to asking me about the major events or happenings in mine. The chair next to me stood empty. I wrote in my red journal about the significance of the week, and chatted a little more with her. Putting my arm on the chair next to me, I mentioned I had a book that was in the production process, and it mentioned the place.

"I mention this place as most of my life out here in California involved it and my munchkin," Tapping the chair next to me. "I mention you and Tom, but it's in passing." As I said it, her eyes opened up followed by her wanting a signed copy of it. We laughed a little, but then I grew silent. I didn't know it at first, but I drifted into my thoughts for a bit. She gave me her number to make sure she could actually find me at one of the places I provide chiropractic at, and then like most days at Ollie's, I walked around the plaza a bit before I set my WAZ App to "HOME" to check the drive time.

A couple of hours later, I was at a Sunday dinner party eating vegetables. I grew more anxious as the time ticked forward realizing it was Sunday, and I karaoke on Sundays. But, last night, I had no desire to drive to Santa Monica. I was tired from the running, the pool party the night before, and an ever-growing awareness of a void in my life. I couldn't find the peace in the moment and decided I was gonna sing somewhere local. I ended up at some place that was literally the equivalent to the Otter Bar in NodEast Minneapolis or the Vegas Lounge.

The place was half full of younger, blue-collar types that were out on their routine Sunday night outings. I dressed the part to not stand out too much, but then again, I stick out a little bit from my work-out routine. Eventually, one of my friend's brothers showed up to hear my name being called..."Fil Thunder." Something about having your named called in the middle of a place you don't know anyone at or have never been to before is comforting. There were a few really good singers, but it was my turn to find out if they thought I qualified as one or not. I started out with John Cougar Mellencamp's 'Hurt's So Good," for my warm-up. It was a bit of a different pace than what other people were singing, but it was not too old that people didn't know it. Eventually, I ended up singing a Bon Jovi song I hadn't signed up for, but it was still Bon Jovi, and I rocked it anyway . It was only after this song that one of the locals that sang there (She informed me after.) came up to my table after a few 'up and down' looks at me and said I had a good voice. I thought maybe they had just had one too many, but then a gal came up to me and said the same, and than another person...I managed to make a dent into the regular singing crowd. The place was a bit more smokey than I preferred, but people were easy to talk to, and that took the edge off of the day.

Being up in the spot light is like being a million miles away, and every once of energy, I try to give away as the words roll off my tongue with the music that they play. And like days past, I eventually end up lying awake in bed with the echo of the speakers still ringing in my head. I never smoke cigarettes, but I always remember what she said....what she said. There it is.

Friday..Morning rituals, The Circle of Life, and The Weather.

It's Friday! Friday! Friday! T.G.I.F.! LOL. It's another weekly review of a rant from a Midwest guy in the land of milk and honey! This week was full of interesting things. I read. I remembered, and I worked...a lot. Most importantly, my running shoes came in the mail finally!! I can now begin running real miles again!!

Today started at my normal annoying time, around 5:00 AM!! I had to get up and use the bathroom. My internal clock is somehow set for that exact time of the day regardless of how much water or whatever I drink the night before or don't. It's usually not a big deal, but when you think you have to get up around 6:00 AM and falling back asleep after the 5:00 AM bathroom cruise, it's usually impossible, it's annoying and difficult to do! What usually happens is I lay there. I lay there trying not to think about anything, but that's not the way it goes. I start thinking about yesterday, today, what needs to get achieved, where I'm going to work today, did I remember to put the laundry in the dryer, etc., and falling back asleep goes to the wayside. Hahahaha.

When I finally come to accept I'm not going to fall back asleep, I start the morning ritual of getting up. It's pretty dumb, but it's what my body knows is the sign it's time to get going. I put on my watch follow by my signet ring. Then, if I happen to actually have a sheet or comforter on my (cause I'm usually an oven), I stick my feet out into the cooler room air so they chill just a bit. That's my routine for "getting up" when I'm not in a rush or whatever.

Today, was a bit more easy to do--getting out of bed. I was in late from a corporate visit to the corporation in Ada, MI, and I got to pass through the Home land on the way back. God I miss it sometimes...the airport!! But this morning, when I looked at my calendar and also because my phone was blaring with google calendar messages, yesterday or today was the projected date of expectancy for my now passed family with Kull. Yeah. I was, not so long ago, expecting a little one with K.C., and it was due yesterday or today.The texts are from the end of January 2015...almost a month and half before we knew we were expecting. We were in the process of completing The Circle Of Life because it is one of the most basic aspects of our human nature--to live, to love, to create, and leave behind someone that will continue forward our line of genetics, thoughts, hopes, dreams, and aspirations. All that one does in a life-time is to this end--to achieve in life some things for ourselves but also the ones that should follow us. I sent Kull roses in a flower arrangement after one of my supporters agreed it was a good will gesture. I sent her nine roses to be exact. Nine, white roses with a note that simple said: Something beautiful for someone beautiful. #MNpeople #Livelove #Fall I didn't actually see them, but I was told they were amazingly arranged and beautiful. And the band played on.

The weather today is hazy! There's a mist in the air that is fairly wet. The streets are damp, and the cars are full of dew. It's quiet nice considering the weather doesn't really change much. It's the reverse of being in the Home land where this kind of weather is the norm, and a clear sunny day is so coveted, that people literally walk outside when the sun does come out, cold or warm, just to bath in the sun's rays for whatever few moments they can get. People do the same here...except most people have their cameras out taking pictures of it because 'weather' happens so infrequently it's worth capturing.
There it is.

Manic Monday: Being Vulnerable In Relationships.

Manic Mondays can at times be actually manic, and today was more or less steady, non-stop action...I ran errands, emailed, and gym-timed it. In there somewhere, I had to get a few things updated on my green machine--it's getting old ya know! LOL. Hence, the day late posting of the 'weekend review'. Sometimes you have to be in the right mood to write about whatever, and by the time I got to that point in the day I ended up reading a book I started but never finished due to the California transition. I spent most of my weekend working somewhere and working on my Jeep, and really all I had energy left to do was read. It's a simple pleasure I need to enjoy more of when I can. That being said, I will present one important point that the author presents as the most critical aspect of human interactions, but first just a touch on the weather.

After a scorching week of hot temps with a few nights of cool air, the weather yesterday was pretty Fall like. Yes! Even this morning required my light running jacket and Nike pants. It's good, and it feels great! There are clouds in the sky. The are is cool, and the sun is shining. It'll warm up later for sure, but right now, it's perfect....almost. Lol.

I've been reading a book titled Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown. I started this book back in February of last year when I was visiting with K.C. for Valentine's Day weekend. It was recommended to me by one of my friends that's a therapist. As I continue to read, one point the author made stood out to me, and it is the ability to be vulnerable and her definition of what that is. She defines it as 'uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.' She goes on to state the matter of love or loving someone. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not return that love, who's safety we can't keep, who may stay in our lives or may leave you in an instant, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us in a moment notice--that's vulnerability. Love is uncertain. It's incredibly risky. And loving someone, leaves us emotionally exposed.

She further sharpens the point by stating, "To let ourselves sink into the joyful moments of our lives even though we know that they are fleeting, even though the world tells us not to be happy lest we invite disaster--that's an intense form of vulnerability." The danger we encounter is letting ourselves think that of feeling as a weakness. With the exception of anger (a secondary emotion, one that only serves as a socially acceptable mask for many of the more difficult underlying emotions we feel), we're losing our tolerance for emotion and hence vulnerability. Brown goes on to make the connection between the loss of the emotional part of our lives and the passion and purpose in life by engaging our own vulnerability and using it to understand the emotions we have as good things versus liabilities.

The book continues to give me new perspective on a host of human needs and relationship dynamics that I've thought about but never from that point of view. I'll interject some the further I get into the book. Now, like in times past, I understand why things happen between people we love just a little bit better so I can hopefully apply to whatever happens in that department in the future.

That's the weekend wrap up....See ya next Monday!!

Friday, Friday, Friday! Art Fairs, Malibu Clients, and blog photos.

 It's Friday, Friday, Friday, and that means it time for another edition of Rants from a Midwest guy while making it happen in the land of milk and honey! Yes, it's true. The week has gone by quickly. My work week on the other hand is still going! I've got two more days after today is over, but it'll be a quick one. It sounds like a lot, but one of the days I'll be working in Malibu where I hope I can sell a new client my services and hopefully make the business a regular stop in my work week. The place is literally three blocks away from the PCH and just a few more steps away from the ocean. Nice. More importantly, its just down the way from where I plan on doing some marathon training in the very near future, and being able to get a run in before or after those work days will be awesome...not to mention Ollie's Duck & Dive is just down the way their and so is Zuma. That gig will be a breath of fresh air and will save me a ton of drive time.

The Thousand Oaks Art Fair is this weekend! I'm mildly excited to see what this year's art vendors will bring. I got to participate in it last year because I just so happen to be in town this exact weekend visiting a short, cute, sweet girl from Minnesota! The entire main road, for a couple of blocks, gets blocked off for the two days. Like the Uptown Art Fair, there will be food, music, and all kinds of things to look at and see what "Art" is looking like these days. They remind me of two women I've dated for some time that were both artist, and getting their opinion on things was entertaining to say the least. Hahahaha.

Yesterday I was on the line with my publishing company, and we were going over the number of pictures I originally submitted for the book--just shy of 80. After some back and forth, I decided the best thing to do was to limit the number of actual pictures in the book down to 21. The final selections will be released when we can figure out placement. Until then, I figured out the best way to get the rest of them back into view is to add them all plus a number of never seen before pictures to the ends of the respective blog stories. That way, you can see a little bit more into what the story looked like to me as it was happening and help you create the visualization of events. I already started this process with the story "This Unbelievable Life." If you go to it and scroll down, you will find the added pictures. You will also find a bit of the POST story that was not originally included. It covers the period of time just before my birthday weekend up until the day I arrive in California, and the events that unfolded along the way, email exchanges, and hopefully some reason behind my emancipation from Minnesota.

On a different note, today is an important day for my Jeep. It just crossed the 260,000 mile marker! Can you believe it?! It's been since 17 long years of having this vehicle. It has literally carried me across the country in every direction. It's been with me through most of my adult significant relationships. It has outlasted everyone I know that had a car from that year. It's old, but it still looks good, runs well, and works. I've had other cars along side this machine, but I'll be honest, I've like this one the most. I've driven a fleet of rental cars, and they're nice, but at the end of the day they, like everything else people live their lives to attain--things that don't identify me. This means I've become more and more of a minimalist over the years. It was especially true this last one because I wanted to be ready when the day came to leave without to much of a hick-up giving me a high level of mobility and nothing really to worry about as far as possessions go. There is a simple kind of joy that comes out of that. Sure, I'd like to own a home, a few vehicles, and things when the time comes, but until I have a good reason for it, I want to save what I can and live. Hahahaha.

That's it for the week review. The weekend is starting out cloudy and cool just like home. Till next time, 'Get Adjusted To The Good Life.'

Manic Monday...The Need To Connect.. Updated 10/13/15. 10:47AM

It's another Manic Monday weekend review from a Midwest guy making the scene. I'm normally up at 6:00 AM and writing on this day, but today I had to sleep in a bit. Apparently I'm not as young as I used to be and not only passed out early in my jeep last night trying to rest up enough to drive down to Santa Monica, I just ended up not going. It turns out the Saturday night "playing wing-man" role caught up with me late Sunday afternoon. It was a good weekend. I got to go out and see a few friends at one of the local 'watering' holes, met a new running partner, and hung out with a couple of good looking gals my housemate worked on his game with while trying not to talk about his car! LOL. It was quite the scene and play to watch. The best part was getting dinner cooked for me by the same two gals that made us watch Magic Mike 2 while we sobered up for the drive home. I actually liked watching the dance moves because you never know when the spotlight is gonna shine on you, and you get to entertain! Hahahah.

"How did I acquire a new running partner?" You might ask. Well, the marathon running experience came up in a conversation with a bartender on Friday night that my buddy's friend was or has been working on cracking her case. Ya know. He's pulling the long-play that is really just playing it cool also know as 'playing the friend zone' till the right moment pops up and the gal needs somebody to drown her sorrows in when it doesn't work out between her current boyfriend. Magically 'you've been there all along, and you're such a good friend, why not see if it works out' kinda of mentality. This is the so-called L.P. It was funny to watch but ultimately one doesn't have to do any of that. All you really need to do is actually do something the other person enjoys rather than does for a job, and you're in! After some talk on running style, shoes, and a training schedule, the gal was up for running some miles because she wants to run the LA marathon.

Running the LA Marathon again hasn't been in the forefront of my thoughts considering my history with it and how it ultimately changed KCs and my lives. But, the more I listened to the gal talk and heard her level of enthusiasm, I thought I would run a few more miles to keep on top of my weight management program. She asked if I would train some of it with her, and I reluctantly agreed. We'll see what happens.

The picture to the left was what I got for dinner! Yup. I couldn't even believe it! The gals are pretty good cooks even if they say they will not be domesticated. Lol. Both in the financial industry, cooking is likely not second nature to them as much as shoe shopping, purse buying, and hair coloring is, but it was tasty. And let's face it, I'm a guy! If you put a home cooked meal in front of me, I'm gonna eat it....all of it. I usually only eat chicken, a variety of protein shakes, and some veggies when I actually buy them. Having some greens and baked Salmon was a real treat not to mention having some company, which the more I think of it is more likely the benefit they got from me. I'm a safe bet it seems..cause the gals know my story and what I'm not interested in doing with taken women. So, maybe that makes me their 'gay guy friend' even though I'm not, and I do chase women...one at a time.


Today, I saw the Martian movie staring Matt Damon with another Minnesota friend I met out this
way. We were both off for the day, and decided it was a good move to make. It is a tear jerking movie to say the least. The more I watched a man finding himself alone, with no idea if anyone was listening to him or if any one knew he was still alive, I understood his recording video of his daily activities and the days he kept marking off on his wall. You can loose touch with reality when you're on your own. It's kind of why Tom Hanks lost it when his Wilson volleyball started to float away, and for what was likely a worldwide tearful moment--we watch a man cry as his only companion and connection to reality left him. For Matt Damon, it was his way to stay connected to someone somewhere even if it wasn't in real time or in that exact moment that he was talking to them. As time rolled forward and he was devising what would be his escape plan after his 'how to not starve to death' one, I new what he was attempting to do...not let the over-whelming reality of his isolation, likely death, and complete and utter loneliness cripple his ability to think it through and to solve problems. Things can go wrong, and you have to think in the clear in order to survive it. I guess I identified with his character in that situation somehow--a human being striving to not get lost in the moment while keeping up the hope that there is hope and that if you keep on striving and reaching out, someone is gonna hear you, and in Matt Damon's case, come back and get you.

In my case, just having someone reach out and say, "Hi. We know you're out there. We're watching and hoping for the best. Keep you're head up, and stick to the plan. Things may change sooner or later." Is what I hear from time to time, and it has come to me from different people some of which I've never met before but have been reading my story from the beginning. I guess that's why I started writing this California Dreaming blog when I was in Minnesota and continued it all the way here into California till today. I knew I was going into the deep end of things alone, on a very unforgiving endeavor, and hoping that things were gonna turn out for the best. I admit shit has gone wrong. I'm often alone, and there are days when I have no idea why I'm here less a girl I was following up on much like Matt Damon did in Good Will Hunting. Maybe, I just like Matt Damon and the movies he makes. Hahahaha. Then, in what seems to be an over extended stretch of nothing, someone reaches out to you, NASA's Houston reaches out to Damon, and he realized he wasn't alone as long as he thought. Someone knows you exist, and you feel excited someone said something to you--you become connected again enough to remember to keep your thoughts clear, solve the problem, and stick to the plan cause it's the way "forward."

I remember in the few days prior to me leaving Minnesota not too long ago, the office manager and my friend gave me a going away card from the office team. It said a lot of nice and warm things, but one thing that stuck out was what she wrote at the end. "P.S. Go get her!" I laughed and as soon as no one was around, I'm sure I lost a few tears. I knew,as much as she likely did, that I was not likely gonna be coming back home anytime soon. Hell, I didn't even know if I was going to make it California in one piece, but I weighed out all the possible scenarios and decided in any case I had to at least make the effort. I figured people could read about it one day and find something worthwhile . Hence the blog. It's been my actual brief report to everyone as to where I'm at, how things are going, what I'm thinking about, and how the mission has gone. Well, I made it. I've continued to climb up the ranks of my company. As far as the girl goes, she seems good. Every day and every week is different, but all of them exactly as they're supposed to go. All things are written by the same hand.

Friday...How insurance companies work for themselves..!

It's another Friday edition of California Dreaming rants from a Midwest guy. The week review, as was last week's, is boring. The most exciting thing that happened to me that I can share was that one of my former patient insurance suits finally got paid after a year of non-payment and 'investigation' by the insurance company.

The short story on it was the patient was rear-ended by a drunk driver at the very end of a freeway exit while waiting to get through the stop sign. She just so happen to be an affluent Caucasian women that really had significant injuries, but insurance companies are really not in the business of helping you out when you need them. They're in the business of making you pay, and hoping that you're 'stoic' and will just push through it. They give you some time to heal, but only a certain amount that is based on the average time someone else in a similar situation with the same or very close to the same injuries will heal. They hope that you take less time, cost less, and don't think about future care if something is missed while they ask you to sign the bottom line of 'settlement'.

Well, it works 85% of the time for them because some people need the money ASAP because they're hoping to get $4-5000 out of it for everything...medical bills, repairs to your care, lost wages, etc. It doesn't work so well when you can't work, you're car is high end, and the bills passed the $10,000 dollar mark with multiple providers, and you're still in pain. This when the insurance company determines that you are faking and essentially tell you you're a liar! LOL. Then you get an attorney, make sure your doctor(s) are on-board, and we all wait. Then you're attorney files to sue the insurance company that you've been paying religiously and continued to pay while you've been injured, so that they realize you're not gonna take peanuts, you're not lying about your pain experience, and now it's time for them to do their part. Then it's a credentialing show-down. In this case, our office just happen to be one of the top chiropractic offices in the area, and this patient's attorney was highly reputable. In the game of chicken, with the cards stacked in our patients favor, and because she had legitimate injuries, the insurance company folded their cards and paid! Thank you baby Jesus cause it doesn't always go that way, and we the providers get nothing.

The weekend looks promising with 100 degree plus weather in store! I'm gonna do some much needed brake work on my Jeep, and maybe cut out the rust on the rocker board panels. With a little bit of my "Mexican," I'm gonna weld some sheet metal into the panels and paint them with a rust resistant truck-bed coating, but we'll see. It's gonna be nice out too, and I might have to get to the beach this week and watch the sunset like I used to do not so long ago, grab a burger, and see if I make it out to karaoke on Sunday. Yeah. I like doing that on Sundays.

The picture above was taken yesterday on my way to a client's office. I was dead stopped in traffic and thought to capture the moment; it's definitely the best part of drive on those days (less the traffic). I guess if you have to be stuck in your car for longer than 120 minutes at a time you should at least get some good scenery versus a bunch of tail lights and near-misses that happen on the 405! LOL. But, you never know! Sometimes driving on the PCH is a mistake because all it takes is one car accident to stop the entire system making a 15 minute drive an hour. And once you're on it, you can't get off of it! So, I got lucky both days I drove it, and the way home both nights was even smoother.

I think that's the weekend's skinny. I'll keep you posted on what actually happens come Monday. Till then, Get Adjusted To The Good Life.

Manic Monday....Reading The Signs. Updated 6:33 PM (PST)

It's a cold Monday morning! I mean it's not the 45 degrees like up in the Homeland, but it's pretty cold considering the heat wave we just went through the last two weeks. The weekend was full of memories and people of significance in my life, which is not how I thought it was going to go when it start out. Sometimes, I'm uncertain how I should feel about unscheduled time because it can leave me to my thoughts and that can go a lot of different directions! LOL. But, my life is brilliant! So, I try and keep a  routine schedule together so I know what I should be doing next..ya know, eat, morning coffee, emails, phone calls, morning gym session and then whatever till it's afternoon gym time! Hahahaha.

This weekend, Sunday/Monday for me, was a bit different because there was a birthday party I had to help put together as best as one can. I think in the future it might be easier to have events catered versus going to the Costco, find supplies, get food to cook, cook the so called food, and then make sure people know where things are while trying to entertain guests! LOL. In the end, it was good to share a few moments, laugh, eat and be merry. As I spoke with guests and managed people, I thought of a few people that had come and gone over the months of my being here. I sent text message invites to a few people that ended up having plans or were too exhausted from their own weeks or start to their weekends.

At some point, I just worked on my drink wondering where the time had gone....the last four months. I smiled. I likely laughed out loud to myself, made a few inappropriate comments, and ate. Eventually I let the Whiskey lull me to sleep on the sofa with people still all around me. I couldn't help it, she was in my thoughts asking me to come and talk to her. So, I did. We walked along the PCH laughing at how hard it was to run up a certain hill in Malibu. We talked about how her life has been with me being in town admitting it was a subtle comfort after the initial reality of it..."cause I didn't think you were ever going to make it." We looked at the calendar acknowledging the upcoming month, talked a bit more about it and other things, and laughed as we did in days past.

For a few moments we held hand as we both mentioned the happenings of our lives without the other arriving at our Minnesota plated cars. She mentioned I needed to read the signs. I was a bit taken by it as first, but then I was abruptly awakened by the house Mascot jumping off the sofa from next to me. I laughed out loud and went outside to look into the night sky and take in some air. "It was a dream," I thought. Reading the signs, is something I usually only make light of in my story line or in conversation with a few other 'spirit' oriented people, but her saying it stuck with me as I came fully back into the moment, and it persisted into the next day.

What I saw was the signs that the house party was over!! Things needed to be picked up and then a fast-track to my bed!! Hahahaha. Before I got that far, I noticed a bunch of text messages that I had clearly missed in my few moments of passing out. One was from Al as I call her.

Then, Sunday was upon me! I slept till almost 8:00 AM. It's a difficult task for me, but I'm sure the whiskey helped that part of it along. I had totally forgot to get back to the people that had text me the night before and then noticed a number of pictures from the night's event. Another gal from Minnesota was in the house, a couple of gals I knew via my blog and random sumo-wrestling sized men running around the house with their shirts off. Yikes!! What the hell!? I shot a note out to Al about talking through a three-way misunderstanding that had hit a couple weeks back to which she agreed we should do. I smiled because in all of the time I have been here, she was one of the few people that I felt more centered while being around. It was a bit of an early start, but we're early rise kind of people and decided to hit Jinky's. As we talked, Justin Timberlake played in the background, What Goes Around Comes Around. We understood what had happened, and agreed, the time passed slower than usual.."Read the signs," I recalled as we drove back to her place. Eventually, I left her and her teddy to chill or attempt to chill as some of us are hard pressed to just "chill" in general. "Remember, you're beautiful just like that song says,"  LOL.

Before I knew it, I was home, and the weather was getting better by the minute with the development of rain clouds, cool breezes, and rain!! It rained all night, and the fresh smell it had left lingered in the air. It was likely the other contributing factor to my sleep being so long; it was the sound of rain outside the window. It was the beginning of a good "go watch a movie day" but I got a text from the Aussie (Cute blonde in the picture above) that they were going out to watch the game at one of the local pubs and that I should meet them. I figured, "What the hell. I don't have anything better to do." So I went. Unscheduled time for me is dangerous so better that I go and chill a bit and fill it than leave it to chance, besides, it was Sunday, and we all know what I like to do on Sundays if I can manage to get myself there in one piece...karaoke!!

What happened at the pub was only short of ridiculous by a few hair widths. Two Hispanic 'men' walked into the place after a bit that the girls had "kinda" met the night before after leaving the party. LOL. I'm not a judge on anyone's choice of sexual orientation or expression, but having lived in West Hollywood for two years gave me a few skills I keep around of which one of is spotting a closet gay guy when I see one or two!! What was funny, is when I left (cause I didn't want to interrupt the girls' game (even if they wanted me too), the same two guys totally convinced themselves that I was gay. Apparently my fashion, reddish/pink sweater and very clean facial features and chiseled arms make me a gay guy!! Hahahaha. It was at least amusing.

Then gym time finally came but not before I convinced my housemate to hit the newly opened Norstrum's Rack store where I got a call from a man I've not seen in about 10 years. My close confidant and one of my best friends from college, Tim, was on the line. He sounded exactly the same, and as he spoke Wiz Khalifa's song See You Again started to play in the recesses of my mind. He said he was in town till the following morning and had time to meet up with me if I could figure out where he was. Eventually, we met on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica. His daughter Eden was traveling with him for his fundraising event at a local church. Tim, like most of the mighty men in my life that are all my best friends, followed family tradition and went into the world relief field full-time leading him to East Africa. Toto's song Africa plays when I think of him and his family. We talked as if time had not passed even though he had a couple of more kids and ten years had passed. That's how it is with some people in my life...timeless...we pick up where we left off and talk about the important things of note, which for me was reading the signs as a back drop to my upcoming book being published. "Reading the signs and showing up!" I laughed with him because it was exactly what I had said in the days we lived together as roommates in undergrad. He was marveled that my old jeep was still ticking at all (259125 miles to date).

I only own two other things that I've had longer than my jeep (17 years), the ring on my middle finger that I wear on my right hand, and my Swiss Army watch (19 years). I took it off to show his daughter the engravings on the sides: Live & Love. "I wear this ring to remind me that I have to love. I also wear it to remind myself that I have to be merciful, kind, understanding, etc. The Bible teaches us these things and many others we don't talk about as Christian people," I said while further mentioning her father's wisdom and poise in the midst of anything. We left school with the proverbial sword of truth. All of us, six men, answering a set of questions in one way or another but essentially the same,"Here am I..send me." to, "Who will go for Us? Who will stand in the gap for the people?"  I admit I learned to have more of it, calm, in my own life because of him. At the end of our visit, we hugged like grown men do from our belief circle, and I walked them to their car. We hugged again acknowledging that it might be the last time we see each other in a long time if at all, but hopefully again. One never knows what the day will bring in Africa or in California for that matter!

It was Sunday night, and it was time to sing a song or two. Eventually, I got to sing a U2 song, With Or Without You, that reached out to the bar people because all of them sang most of it with me. "Read the signs," I thought as I sang and watched the crowd and thought about all of it. The dots had connected again leading me to that very spot where I sang, held a MIC and felt alive again. When it was over, one of the gals came up to me and asked my age. I laughed while informing her. She smiled and later ran into me on my way out with her friends. While giving me her biz card, she asked where I was from as I noticed the 612 number on her card. "I'm from Minnesota..the Homeland!" The sound she made after I said that could only have been out of a movie because it was a cross between pleasure, surprise and victory! "Me too!!" She said virtually pulling me towards her for a hug. I agreed to call her and hear her story as she informed me that she was a "spiritual Christian" and had been following the signs in her life that had essentially lead her to California. I laughed as I turned to walk away. It was time to make the drive home. "Read the signs," she said to me in my dream making me smile as I pulled onto the freeway.

Friday...October, and Social Collateral..

It's Friday, and I'm happy for at least one reason...the Twin Cities Marathon is this weekend, and it's gonna be a few degrees warmer this year than last! Due to a few schedule changes and unexpected events, I will be participating from a distance, but I remember how cold it was last year. I'll be home soon enough for another race soon. I'm sure of it.

Well, it's October and that means beer tasting of some sort somewhere this month. I'm unsure how it's done in SoCal, but up in NorCal we run over to the North Beach in the City, and start making our way around to the various events and 'try' a taste or two of different beers from around the world and local breweries alike. I can't wait to see what the scene is like here. Not that I'm a big drinker, but it's good times to have a few and watch live music, eat a burger, and chill, which is what we're supposed to do on weekends!? Right!?

So we're having a bit of a grill and cocktail party at the house tomorrow night. It's not been too much of a planning burden considering my buddy is a "manly" kind of guy. So, brats, burgers, drinks, pool table games, and maybe a bonfire later in the evening. The invite list has been interesting to put together as most of my friends are either federal officers, medical professionals that work odd hours, but I invited everyone just in case. I figure the more the merrier one can be. I'll let ya know how that goes on Monday! LOL.

Ahh.. The job. The corporate job continues to have its pluses with patients, and its minuses with location and scheduling, but it has improved the last few weeks. Patients at the clinics I've bee servicing are on-board after I adjust them. It's true. I have an approaching 70% of new patients or other patients that have been schedule stalking me so I can adjust them. I'm apparently not supposed to make light of this because it has been stated as 'unprofessional' and 'condescending' by at least one of my contemporaries, but let's face it! If patients were getting what they needed or didn't notice such a big difference in their adjustment and overall care and condition after they left, they'd stick with whichever doc they started out with, but the number of people that are not has grown and going up.

I feel this is largely due to technique differences, refinement of actual adjusting ability, and the level of confidence with which I deliver care. I understand some docs have been in the 'industry' for years, but we have to ask what does that really mean? What was the chiropractic industry like 5, 10, 15 years ago? How many patients did you really see on average that whole time, and more importantly, is it possible that some new approaches to technique have arisen over time that may actually be more efficient, less stressful to the patient, and overall getting better results. I get it. I'm dealing with egos of old guys that are unhappy a younger guy, minority, and 'newer in the industry may actually know a few things...and it just so happens to be that I'm an award winning doc on top of it. I guess that the awards don't count! LOL. Cause the haters are gonna hate, hate, hate...Shake It Off!!

SOCIAL COLLATERAL.....Continued from September 25
I left off at some point last week on the topic or the development of "Social Collateral" which is something we consciously or at times unconsciously create when we interact with others and necessarily relate to them about what we're up to, our experience (good or bad or indifferent) with those endeavors/person/experience, and let them soak it up. Depending on the nature of the relationship with those peers (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) the perception of what you're saying to them about your experience will vary and will as their affirmation of you because this is the basis behind our relating to other-affirmation or confirmation of what we are doing or not.

Now, keep in mind, we can only create social collateral about the things we share with people. If you peer support group doesn't know something, they can not contribute to your affirmation of those activities, person, etc. because they haven't been given an opportunity to do so. That being said, people can only affirm or disapprove of the things that they have knowledge of and not the things they don't. If they don't know, they can't be put-off and will continue to give you whatever affirmation you left off with them last. There is no new information for them to grow their support or retract it; it essentially stays the same...good, bad, negative, positive, or indifferent.

 As you should expect, the people that genuinely know you and care how your life turns out will be your biggest supporters. They know you the best, and usually have an inside knowledge of how you react to things..most of the time. They can pick up changes in your tone of voice, how you speak about things, or even when you don't speak about things; they know, more or less, what's up with you. So they ask and keep you essentially moving forward or attempt to stop you from something that they think might not be the best move, but they do either based on what you're feeding them consciously and unconsciously.

It is our responsibility to mind how we create or destroy social collateral among our friends and family because depending on what happens we can loose it or gain more of it. If you're always crying wolf, people may begin to wonder if it's really just you that's the problem and not just a chain of bad choices in people or activities, but that happens also; we may make a few poor choices that lead to addictions that our people may become aware of and attempt to support us through as long as they can, but hopefully people stick with you until life improves, remains normal or other.

Sometimes our creation of social collateral and the opinion it carries for/of us is off. Some of you may recall the biblical story of Job that was one of the Almight's pride and joy. At one point he give permission to Satan to essentially mess up his life to show not only Himself that His servant was going to remain faithful, rich or poor, in the face of extreme loss. Job's friends had know him all his life and knew what kind of person he was, but they were also sold on some social scripting that essentially was straight line thinking: "If I do what God wants, I will be blessed. If I don't, I will be punished." This didn't start with their own think, but rather, it was what was believed by their community and likely Job's very robust lifestyle that he got from being God's right hand man in the season.

When things didn't add up, Job loosing everything not because he did something wrong but rather because God was using him to make a point, his friends or his social collateral began to work against him. "Confess your wrong doings because it must be why God is punishing you...confess, ask for forgiveness, and let God restore you." Is exactly what they said to Job their friend of a lifetime. The trouble was that Job hadn't done anything wrong, and did what he was supposed to even in the midst of calamity, great loss, and isolation because his friends stopped talking to him so that he would feel more compelled to confess. It was the logic that went along the lines of "If we don't talk to him, he will know we disapprove, and he wants our approval, so he will confess." So they isolated him and essentially condemned him so that he might have a reason to do something different than he was. In the long run, he remained faithful in the midst of his "Social collateral" telling him he was wrong.

What kinds of friends or family do you have that would do that to you? Are your friends or family gonna essentially tell you that you're doing something wrong, stop talking to you so you understand they're not happy with what you're doing (or not doing), and essentially give you an ultimatum to do what they want for their own gratification or else leave you. I hope not. Some people would say that that is emotional abuse because either friend or family should be there for you in your time of need, and maybe they would be but something was created in their logic by you or your lifestyle or regular choices that makes them think they should strong arm you instead of being supportive as much as they can.

The story ends with Job not budging on his acceptance of what the Almighty was doing to him. He remained faithful till the last minute, and He was restored to a point 10x what he had lost. It's a really good example of when social collateral can work against us. For sure there are plenty of instances when it works to our advantage at times when we think it is not......TO BE CONTINUED..