SPECIAL EDITION: Memorial Day Weekend & One Year Later. Updated: 6/14/16 01:41 PM

 It's Sunday on a lovely Memorial Day Weekend. Yes! The weather is cool. There is a mist hanging over the mountains in the distance, and there's a light buzz in the people that are out and about. A Prairie Home Companion is playing in the background, and I just saw it's lightly raining in the Homeland. It's a holiday weekend in America, and people are doing the things they do to celebrate! Usually I'm flying to or from the Homeland on the holiday itself to take in a couple of days of camping on the river in and remember that I'm a Minnesota man! Hahahaha. Last year, I was pulling up a kitchen floor for my Finnish friend's new home purchase that needed some remodeling. The holiday came a week early then, and I waited to do anything for a couple of important reasons: One was that my former significant other was in town, and I wasn't sure we were gonna meet up and talk. Second, I was getting ready to drive West; it was something I kept very quiet cause I still wasn't sure it was gonna happen! I mean I wasn't sure I was going to do it-make the drive. It's true! As you know, I did, and lot's of things happened in this last year since, and today I'm going to share a short recap of the most memorable things and events that happened along the way. The voyage ended at Zuma Beach in Malibu, California. This is the picture to the left. Others will be included along the way and then at the end. So, without any further ado, it's time for another weekly edition (except last week for one important reason) of Rants From A Midwest Guy In The Land Of Milk And Honey on a Memorial Day weekend.



Memorial Day weekend is the first of three major Summer holidays. It's the weekend when we go up  North and clear the brush from the cabin home, put the boat into the water, and fire up the pits. It's the weekend we hope all of the hard work we've been putting in at the gym will finally pay off because it's usually 'run around the lakes' time by now, and hopefully we can show off a little bit. Families come in from all around and usually end up staying somewhere in your home..the couch, the air mattress, the drive way in their RV, and sometimes your bed if you're not careful. It can be tight quarters for a few days with the family and friends, but it's worth it! Traditions that we start young or keep up with stay with us, and this is what we call Americana or "Merica".

In all of the family fun, there is another group of people out around the world and all around us doing their part to keep America safe. Quietly, we take a moment to remember the fallen and those still out 'fighting the good fight' as we say. If you're able, reach out to the ones you can here and all around the world and let them know they are remembered! A few of my friends are still out there somewhere in deep, far, and usually unreachable doing what they do. It's for them that I smile and say as if they were reading, "I'm thinking good things for you. I'm having a cup of Starbucks coffee that you would normally get. I hope you're well, and I hope to see you soon." We, or the USA, are the sign of stability and impending freedom all around the world. There are some people that don't see it that way and feel we are a hedonistic minded people that are out to control other peoples' agenda if they don't align with our own objectives. Unfortunately they are the ones we have to rise up to and hopefully foster some level of understand....one way or another. So, take a moment and reach out to a service member and let them know you care or a moment of silence for those that have gone ahead of you into eternity.

One year later...........
It seems that time flies when you're having fun...or you've been stuck on the freeway way longer than you should be! I'm still coming to grips with the fact that it's been a year yesterday that I drove my Jeep across country for a contract job that I wasn't sure was gonna deliver (Later, it turned out not too.) all the things that it said it would. It was a corporation that was still developing its way of doing business as a chiropractic chain where you could get 'adjusted' for relatively cheap. It only took three months of driving all around three different counties to realize that their interest was elsewhere and not in compensating me for things that it said it would apart from salary. In the remaining months that followed, I began scouting out private practice offices as I had before I drove out--this is what I was doing before I met my former significant, K.C., and after she moved to California. It was because of my job hunting that we ended up dating in the months that followed her move in 2014.

After some 'free' work for one of the docs and hefty day fees to a couple of others, it came down to one of two offices because of location and growth potential. At this point, I was only taking a serious look at places that had a retirement earning cash flow potential and not just a temporary fix to an employment problem. Otherwise, I would've just stuck it out with the corporation and rearranged my life again to make it more lucrative, but I didn't have to because I got the call from the Malibu doc. It turned out that he had gone through a few dozen other applicants before he and his wife and business manager felt that I was likely the best person to put into their office. It turned out my experience with the masses but also my knowledge in Personal Injury care were what got me the job; I guess I can adjust pretty 'O.K' too! LOL. I laughed when I found that out because all of that part of my life happened by being in the right place at the right time. Sure I'm a good adjuster, and I would've have been as good at it had neither of those two rolls come into my reality, but it's where all of the signs lead me, and I was responsible to at least show up and see what might come of it. Now I work and grow professionally in Malibu. I live in community that's not all that different from Edina, Minnesota where my other office is located making it just a little more familiar after a year of flying to it and from it to 'have a better life" as it was last year.


The other reason I decided it was important to be open to whatever the Creator was doing in my life and all the signs that it was likely time to change for the better or at least different, was my former significant. It's true. She asked me this the other day, and I was happy to tell her that she was part of that reason even though things turned out the way they did between us. It means a lot to me to be able to deliver to people the things that I say or had been saying I was gonna do, and not just be a 'big' talker. Still true. Behind my original intention of moving back to California after surviving cancer, a financial meltdown, and essentially defeat, was the hope that I could do better in my own life but also in hers in whatever way that was gonna happen. Somewhere in the back and forth to California for office scouting we dated, we began to like the other enough that it was interrupting both of our abilities to date other people. It wasn't until August, six months after her move to California, that we agreed to be something more than casual. Out of that decision came the rest of our relationship and story, and that ended just before I moved out. The rest of the time after that was different than I had expected, but the more I read the signs and did my part to at least show up and be available for what might happen, they did. New friends. A great position in an unbelievable location...all of it.

My former and I haven't spoken much or even seen each other more than passing till the other day when she walked into the Starbucks I've sat at nearly everyday since my arrival one year ago. She had only walked into the place a couple of other times, but it was only this occasion that she wanted to talk with me. I couldn't even believe it was happening because I had anticipated it in the first half of the year that I had been in the place, but she never walked in. She said she hadn't because she knew I was there and she couldn't really talk to me because of things happening insider her. This time she did. As you might expect after not really having spoken to a person you had a really serious relationship with, were going to have a family with, and eventually share a life and then they just stopped talking to you one fine day, you're gonna be a little nervous! Hahahaha. I could see it in her approach to me and in her voice as she spoke. I politely pointed out that it was awkward after such a long time and that the feelings of uncertainty would get better with a little practice (as in talking more regularly). She agreed. And, this is where it got interesting!!

Our morning talk at Starbucks happened on a Tuesday. The night before, Monday, I emailed her a long letter essentially discussing the fact that it had been a year and that her reactions to me, as little as they happened, were or seemed to come across as negative or not a neutral experience for her and then us because of her. The letter recapped the year and invited her to potentially consider changing her mental interpretation of things between us or her approach to me, what she believed I was doing in general, and hopefully achieve a neutral experience from that day forward. It was a positive to neutral letter with a few comical points, a couple of factual insertions, and opening the door or at least point out that I hadn't been able to close it so she could use it and maybe improve our strained relations. I started working on that letter the week before after seeing her in passing and then waking up to real points of emotional pain and some serious dreams with her in them. I didn't miss her in that way and have had a full life for some number of months, but something in my person felt it was the appropriate thing to do. So I began to write the letter. It's why I didn't post a Rant last week..because I was busy typing out that letter. The final draft only came after a dozen or so changes, and I wasn't even sure I was going to send it, but I did, and it was the night before she walked into Starbucks that Tuesday morning. Hahahaha.

As she spoke to me on various things, I made reference to her points as having been touched on in the email. It wasn't till about 15 minutes into talking that I asked her if she had read the email. Her immediate response was, "NO. What email? When did you send that?" It was then that I realized I was doing exactly what I was supposed in that very moment in time. I needed to be there for that part of both of our lives. I informed her of when, and why, and then to what address the email was sent, but she hadn't received it. Hmmm....and wonderment that followed in my person grew. I began to laugh explaining to her that the reason I thought she walked into Starbucks that morning was because she got my email the night before and maybe agreed in part to what it said.

We or rather she made her request of me. I informed her of my thoughts on them. "It's been a year of 'silence' from you. Why do you feel you can come into a place that is part of my daily life routine, and ask me to do something else?" She became more agreeable, and we talked through her reasons only to have her acknowledge her thoughts might be a little much considering her position in my life. Thirty minutes had passed since she walked up to me, and it was time to go. I asked her if I could walk out with her only to get a half-ass response, but she waited for me in her haste to leave. LOL. Then we stood outside for a moment longer and spoke in brief, and she went to her car, and I walked back into Starbuck's to catch up with one of the gals. It was one of those "Universe" directing your life kind of experiences for sure, and considering how things had gone in the past, I think that interaction was at least positive overall. I'll include the email letter I sent her at the bottom of this blog so you can see what it was that I wrote, and why it was needed.

So, one year later. Life is changing. You and me are changing. There's a constant process of change happening to all of us and everything around us. Some of it is the normal progress of time on our bodies and in our minds. The rest of it is the constant presented opportunity to stay the same or change. We have to take a moment and be honest with ourselves and ask if we're going the direction we want to be headed in? Is this it? Do I have peace? Am I content (The feeling of being happy comes and goes.)? The year has seemingly gone by at different speeds...fast, slow, not moving, 'reverse,' and too fast to remember at points, but in it all we're moving forward as my former would often say. Take a moment to take in the air, the sunlight, the perfume of your special person and strive to make it a good memory because you never know when change will come.

I guess this is where I tell you that I may not be keeping up the weekly Rant after today. Ninety-two editions that started the week leading up to my departure from the Homeland doing exactly what I'm talking about-capturing the moment because I wasn't sure I would be making it back. It had a purpose when I started it last year. At first and in the daily editions, it was the part of my day that was the basis for my 'normal' routine in an unfamiliar ever changing environment..not to mention the internal unrest I was experiencing. As my life settled, I wrote about the weekends and then the week as separate pieces of work for the week. Finally, I dropped down to writing once a week about the whole week because everything had normalized for me internally and in my real life. When I look back at some of the editions, I guess I was trying to create a window for some of you to look into and see what was going on in my life, my thoughts, actual events, and keep myself accountable to someone somewhere, but the need...the one that drove me out of bed all those editions had finally passed out from me. I think it was happening when I wrote that email because it was time to say something to someone I used to know. "There is a season for all things under the sun." So you may see an edition pop up here and there. Who knows? Maybe it'll hit me next week that I should keep up writing. We never know, so like I usually say, "I better show up and see what happens." Till then, "Be well. Do good work, and come on back." G. Keiller.

Thank you for all of your patience, your readership, and whatever time you took to keep up with moments of my life. I hope it was worth something to you. FST

The E-Mail:
From: "Fil Troy" <drfiltroy@gmail.com>
Date: May 23, 2016 7:24 PM
Subject: Gym time, A Year Later & The Present

Hi Kxxxxx,

How's it going?!? How's the life, the job, etc.?! It looks like you've been working hard on your fitness-your arms are chiseled!! And, yup! I noticed you got your nose done--nice...and your hair is long! I'm sure you hear it all the time, but you really look great!!  That's mostly small talk I usually have with other people I see regularly everywhere. That kind of casual talk could be happening between us, and 'I wasn't' trying to further the distance that was created 'by you' with my last email to you. Yeah, yeah, I know...the past. Right!? If it's in the past, why is it still so very real and strong for you and then me even in this last week!? Have you asked yourself this? Do you wonder why your reaction to me is still that strong?!? (If your initial thought has anything to do with blackmail or related topics you misjudged me then and likely still now.) Maybe you do wonder. Maybe not. I've been thinking about our encounters as of late because it'll be a year this week that I've been here and we essentially stopped relating. 

Maybe you're not angry, and you've gotten over those thoughts and emotions, and are as happy as a clam, but it has not seemed like it in the last number of instances we've seen each other especially on your birthday, and hence that strong email. My friends and the gal I date feel I should clarify a few things in it.

#1. The email stated that you needed to stop harassing me when you see me at the gym or otherwise: this was really just addressing the way you walked up to me yelling for no provoked reasons other than what you thought I was or have been doing there(the gym) all this time when really I was there just doing some rehab training with one of my clients (that night). 
 ==>The email should've also said, I am open to you, in a limited kind of way, like normal chit-chat people do when they see people they see regularly. I know an adjusting period may have to happen considering it all, but I'm willing only because you and me both train pretty hard and regularly! Hahahaha. If we were honest with ourselves, we notice the others' progress even if we try and play the "Try not and notice the other" game when it happens. It's a shame we didn't share this important part of our lives(then and now)--working out and other related activities or other social events like UFC Fight Nights. I think you know that not all people understand us fitness minded types because most peoples' 'socializing' include things we usually leave out (drinking, partying, etc.). Honestly, I'm surprise we haven't run into each other more because my schedule doesn't change much. When you've seen me at the gym, it's when you've gone at a different time or stayed later than I guess you normally might. Not that it should matter when either of us train, but it seems to matter to you. My trainer friends and other friends say it's soo damn busy at the 5:00 O'clock rush, and I believe it. It's why I go at 7:00 PM or before 5:00 PM most days (Cause I only work 4 days.) So we're gonna see each other from time to time... can we leave the gym a stress-free zone?? Cause dealing with 'people' all day, as you know,  warrants a stress reducer called GYM!

#2. I also wrote, "I am genuinely OK not seeing you." ==>The email should've also said that I'm also OK seeing you also.

#3. I wrote, "You must know this to be true in your inner most person, but whatever your reasons, your experience has not changed to being more neutral towards me." I was making reference to two different things: 
==>One was that I don't seek you out or plan to run into you, and this is why I'm surprised when it happens (about every 3-4 wks or so). 
==>The other thing is your experience as it relates to seeing me randomly. You must know deep in your person that it can be better, but you are either consciously choosing to keep it less than pleasant for you so you don't have to deal with whatever it is, or it's an unconscious issue...and ultimately it makes everyone else you and me know uncomfortable about the other for no reason. That aside, the times I've noticed the stuff I'm talking about have been recent......

One of the instances was Easter morning at Starbuck's. You were with that gent, laughing, smiling, and seemingly into him and very physically close (--not the Asian guy from the gym that seems to be there when you're there).  I was happy for you because that's (also) how I try and remember you-happy. I was sitting with a gal (Midwest girl-much more real and down to earth..you'd be surprised what's out there.) train with. She said I looked like I had seen a lost friend, and she was right--that sweet, sensitive, funny, and happy gal I used to know was there... just with someone else. I was happy for you until we saw you go from happy and affectionate with that gentleman to uneasy, seemingly uncertain, and then distant to him. As you walked out, your overall demeanor had changed and you even put on your sunglasses on in the store. I wasn't sure what to think about that, but it was noticed by us both.

You reacted more or less the same other times too...less the yelling at me part-- you'd see me and your reaction or non-reaction was,"don't look, try not to notice, be cold, uncertain, sad/maybe angry, etc. etc." Or like the other day I had just got back from my office in Malibu and on my way to the gym, you saw my jeep, switched lanes to not see me and then put your hand up to not be scene either. Why? Did it help?! Whatever the case, your demeanor or attitude towards me has not improved or not much at least. So, the present.....

All anyone has is present moment, Kxxxxxx, or now as it is. Time keeps ticking away and no one knows when it's (gonna be) over.  I mean, Prince just died, and it was a complete shock and unexpected. I still hear his Purple Rain guitar riff playing in the recesses of my mind more than not since it happened, and he is right, " it's such a shame our friendship had to end.... times are changing; it's time we all reach out for the new, and that means you too." Maybe your experience and indirectly mine can improve this year! I'm not saying we're gonna be friends or anything, but somewhere better than what's been happening would be more healthy. Do you (not) agree??

Now it's one year later.  I'm not sure you remember I knew Thousand Oaks from my grad school days and the years leading up to my original return to Minnesota in 2013. But, I think I can honestly say after all of it that things happen for a reason ( http://filsebastiantroy.blogspot.com/2016/04/friday-april-fools-day-everything.html ). There is something in all of us that we either pay attention to or we ignore, but that thing, whatever it is, is in us driving our every foot-step, our every thought (or just hovers in the background of our mind making us 'think' about things), and it's quietly dictating how much of our current life experience is 'good'. In some of us that guiding force is sometimes past undealt with pains we experienced; sometimes it's the Almighty tugging us along; sometimes it's both past pains or current ones being used by the Almighty to help us get to the next part of where we're supposed to be. We strive to be happy with things as they are in life as long as we get a chance to breath, be 'ourselves', have some fun, and enjoy a meaningful relationship with someone, we're fine. Right?! But in all of that, that restless part of our being, is in us..challenging our full enjoyment of the life we live.

Maybe you know this feeling. Something motivated you to go back to school to get the degree you got for business admin that ultimately lead you to where you are now. And then it was like you said, "I made $30K more almost instantly." That's what can happen when we follow that drive -- it changes your life in ways you never see coming-- financially, socially, the way we have relationships, how we see the world, and eventually it made you (or anyone) 'restless' and you found reasons to start looking for more or different (than what you knew). This is the part of your story I know, in part, because I was in it with you the day you walked into Starbucks on Hennepin January 30. I was doing the same thing....looking for a job in California so I could get back to the life I felt was going to give me more opportunities in everything: And, then you, and then us. You were that bridge between the life I knew in Minneapolis and the one I was creating here as much as I was likely your bridge during your transition (here). People change. You're changing, and I'm changing. If we're not, then we should allow for not only ourselves but others to try to improve because that's really living (life) with all of it's ups and downs and not just existing.

  

I've changed this email more than once this week, and I think all the important stuff is left. If not, hopefully we can yap about it if we get to talking. If not, it's all good. I hope you're as well as you look and have found some happiness and peace in things if not the regularity of routine and the ever so likeness of Mn weather lately. Let's hope for better when you see me this day forward.
It could happen.
Take care Kxxxxx,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Fil

#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #MnMan  #Californiadreaming #Spring #Malibudoc 

Sunday: All We Have Is Now & MLK! Updated: 8:06 PM

 It's Sunday! Sunday fun day! Yes. It's the day we try and relax just a little bit more before we have to start thinking about Monday. I like Saturdays also, but it usually goes by with just a little bit of carry-over stress from Friday if you didn't work it off at the gym or the local pub..or like in my case both! LoL. It was Friday the 13th this weekend, and I made it out after having a blast from the past gym moment only to take in a couple of drinks while waving the MIC at a local sports pub. Then I made it home to watch a remake of an old horror movie, The Amityville Horror Story, with the housemates and friends. The week was more or less normal. There were a few moments when it was not 'normal' and in them all of my instincts awoke...again--all things seemed to connect in their disconnectedness for just a few moments till everything balanced out. I'll touch on that just a bit because it's been brewing in the recesses of my person this last week, but it's time for another weekly edition of Rants From A Midwest Guy In The Land Of Milk And Honey! 


If it wasn't obvious, I've decided to write towards the end of the weekend rather than the beginning of it. Hahaha. That way, I can actually enjoy a little more of it enough to have or let my thoughts from the week settle. This was what was happening this week for sure (as it does about every three weeks or so). The sciatic pain I have been experiencing for weeks with seemingly no end in sight, regardless of the therapies I was throwing at it, finally has almost gone away. This was largely due to a change in my treatment strategy, and the reprieve from 'pain status' has led to a change in my mental status or maybe just a reinstatement of my normal frame of mind that I had before I was distracted by pain.

As I mentioned last week, having pain can mess up your ability to see things clearly, understand things or experiences for what they are because all you can think about is pain. It controls what you think you will do, who you will do things with, and what kinds of things you will try, and that's just physical pain! There is also emotional pain which has the same kind of debilitating effects on you as physical pain. In fact, there is enough research that validates you can be having physical or emotional pain and not know which is really the problem beyond the obvious. What I mean by that is you can be having, let's say, a physical type of pain, but it can show up as an emotional type of distress. For sure, the physiological experience of pain can and will affect your emotional states, and this is true in the opposite direction where you can be having an emotional type of pain or distress and without it being obvious to you, experience pain in your physical person.

The interconnectedness of the mind and body is an area of study people strive to understand because if you can figure out where pain is coming from or causing it, and necessarily how it is being experienced, you can uproot its grip on you; you can be free! If you can do this, or at least find a person that can help with you achieving it, you can change your experience of the moment, live more fully, and enjoy more your life! Listen to yourself breathe. Take a snap-shot of all of your thoughts and understand what's in them. See all of the people around you or the light coming in through the window that you never really take note of because you're too far into your thoughts or buried in pain-emotional, physical or both. All of this is happening right now, and how much more rich could your experience of these fleeting moments be if there were fewer or no distractions blinding you from them!?

"All We Have Is Now," as the picture at the start of the blog states. Yeah, it's on a super buff, chiseled chic I follow on(I know, right?! These are the kinds of things I think about when I'm not in pain or trying to figure out how to get out of it....getting buff.) Instagram as motivation to get to the gym, but the message (apart from the vehicle it's being delivered on) is true! In our forward motion in life, all we have is the present. Tomorrow may not happen, and you cannot go backwards. What you can do is 'now.' Originally, I was thinking through what I was gonna write on while considering last week's rant- being present. Then MLK's son came into the office, and I had to think a little bit about all the things MLK's taught us through his 'direct non-violent' approach to people that may be on the opposite side of the fence from you. He spoke about the urgency of the moment, the importance of now, and why taking action is important so as to not fall into complacency and eventually 'do-nothing-ism' and taking no-action, and just accepting things for what they are. Doing nothing at all is essentially accepting what you're experiencing, good or bad, as normal. So, before we give up or decide things are as good as they're going to get, you better think about it because you never know how things may change if you do something different than what you have already.

Most of you know I'm a chiropractic physician, and I focus on sports and wellness types of care. I am also a runner and body builder. I thought about how many things I hadn't done in the last couple of months because of the pain I was experiencing in my low back/ass. While thinking through a few of my patients' experiences and how pain had changed them, I thought about my own pain and how I was avoiding any activities that might cause me pain. I was still experiencing it anyway because of the interconnectedness of the body, but I was not doing the things I wanted as a result of it. I was losing the battle for myself and in some cases at a standstill for a couple of my patients even if we were both getting a little bit of relief.

Then it hit me as I continued my thoughts on Dr. King's work. He said that, "The pain of staying the same must become greater than the pain of changing." Of course this was directed at a major societal problem, but its principle was still applicable to the problem of pain and its changing our way of thinking and our behavior to avoid it physically and otherwise. I thought, "Why not do things I want or that my patients want to do that are causing them pain versus nothing and still have pain and use them to understand how to fix the problem?" So I started to do the things that initially caused me the injury gradually and slowly. Sure it hurt. Sure it was unpleasant, but it was less unpleasant than watching other people do things I know I can do if I could get the pain under control.

It was the same for my patients. I had them begin to do the various activities that caused them pain with one stipulation: "Only do as much as you can tolerate and for only brief periods of time, and when you do them think about your pain and try and understand which motion aggravates it. Where is the pain coming from?" They did what most people do when you tell them to engage in a potentially painful activity--they shied away from it; they looked for a reasons to not do them; some didn't do it at all in a couple of instances. This was largely fear based or whatever that hurt was or is. As you might expect, the people that didn't do anything but got their regular therapy only improved to a certain degree but eventually regressed to a worse condition when they did substitute activities.

The others that took on the active therapy had a different experience--their experience of pain began to change. As they did their activities (run, bike, and swim) they felt pain, but not like they had before their therapy as they focused on the pain as it was happening, where it was happening and exactly what motion it was that caused it. When we reviewed the pain inducing activities, we discovered that the motions had become interrupted from smooth performance because of scar-tissue or other adapted motions to compensate or avoid the motions all together essentially stressing other parts of their body. We as sports minded doctors know to look for these type of materials because your body is dynamic, and it tries to heal itself. Sometimes our body needs a little help getting it right, and other times it's our own worse enemy because it too wants to avoid pain and creates ways for itself to avoid it-pain- with compensatory motions.

As chiropractic docs, we learn to scan for scar tissue and often miss it where it needs to be found. We are excellent at feeling things out, but there is no one that can tell you where it exactly hurts better than the person feeling the pain. What I found was that although the patients attempted to make the movements that caused them pain they couldn't until we pin-pointed where the inhibitions were and what was causing them--scar tissue. After working the material directly with some intended healing motion and therapy as the patient did the painful movements-their pain began to decrease and their ability to perform went up. With this change, came a other changes in attitude, mental status, and desire to do everything that they could.

I remember when one of my patients first began to resume one of her activities and how she said it hurt her to even think about doing it. Eventually, after we got to the source of her problem, and we got the order of therapy and the kind of therapies right, she began to heal. The more she resumed getting on her bike, the less pain she would feel in the aftermath and infusion of therapy in between her riding. Every time we did therapy, she knew it was not gonna be an unpleasant experience because breaking up some our of own body's self-healing strategy is uncomfortable but a necessary tool. As time moved forward in the first two weeks of intensive therapy, she was nearly back to pain-free status and nearly 100% of her activities including the biking after over a year of doing different things to try and correct the problem or more importantly, avoiding it. She had given up in believing it was gonna get any better till then.

More than not, we take on a new reality we allowed to happen to ourselves as normal, and we accept it maybe knowing it could be better or maybe not, but we decide the pain may be too great to overcome so we do nothing and often avoid it-painful situations, but that's not living. That's just getting by, and there are better ways to live. Sure most of what I've written about was about physical pain, but the principles and activities are the same when it comes to emotional pain. We avoid it. Our person tries to heal our wounds, and we accept the outcome, painful or uncomfortable, as the new norm when in fact, it doesn't have to be. "The pain of staying the same must become greater than the pain of changing."  Those changes, the better way of living and experiencing life begins with the word, "NOW." Now is the time to grasp onto things that maybe causing us pain and understand them for what they are so that we know what needs to happen to bring some healing about it because that hot girl at the top is wearing more truth than she realizes. All We Have Is Now.

The last picture is the sun setting to the West over the 101. When my one year anniversary weekend comes in a couple of weeks, Ill tell you the story of how I ended up in this spot and why the exit ramps that lead to it are significant. Till then, "Be well. Do good work, and come on back."

Sunday: Mother's Day, The Power of Grey Skull & Being Present. Updated: 5/9 @ 2:27 PM

It's Sunday! Sunday fun day with your mother cause it's also Mother's Day! It's the one day of the year most people try and remember the one person that brought them into the world (...and may still claim they can take you back out of it when you misbehaved..) and tell her, "Thank you. I appreciate you and all you did for me!" Hopefully you do this regularly, but some of us need a little help from Hallmark from time to time to keep us on track! LOL. We need reminders as people to be more social, thoughtful, and hopefully sincere about the people that are most important to us. It's good to have one day, but I think the everyday things carry some weight over time. A smile to a stranger. Laughing at a joke one of your friends tells you. Maybe listening to someone tell you what just made their day or, in some instances, ruined it. You don't really know what people are picking up on the 'every day' interactions, but they add up in the recesses of their minds and in their beings, and this I will call the Power of Presence. So, without any further chit chat, it's time for another weekly installment of Rants From A Midwest Guy In The Land Of Milk and Honey!

The week has been busy with work catch up and getting back to a normal routine as it is for my life. You wouldn't believe how much more efficient you can be by following a routine, but it's also good to step away from it now and then and make sure you're not missing anything! LOL. On that thought, I had made it home and grabbed the MIC a couple of nights and sang with a couple of old school buddies I know from the Minnesota karaoke scene. In the picture to the left, I talked the karaoke host to sing a Righteous Brothers tune with me, and as it turns out, it fit the TOP GUN kick i'd been on the last couple of weeks. The song went over really well, and one of my local chic friends got it on video. I'm still trying to figure out how to share a direct video from Instagram, but when I do you'll get to see it here or on IG! Till then, you'll just have to believe me that it was fun, not too awful, and no animals or trees were injured in the process of it all!

On the topic of routines, I managed to make it to a 'Pirates of the Caribbean' pool party last night. The place had props, food, people dress as pirates, and dogs running around. There was rum and hot dogs and hamburgers and other random food. I was told the party went till 4:00 AM. I mention I was told because somewhere between 11:00 PM and Midnight, I went out to get a sweater and passed out in the passenger seat of my buddy's truck. Hahahaha. All I remember was, "Ahh. My sweater feels warm. Why don't I just warm up a bit," and I was out. This was not from drinking too much; I had only had a couple of rum drinks and a couple of burgers with them. It was that I was still off from my normal routine from the week, and the intense work out sessions I put myself thought to 'catch up' from my off time.

It's been a good long while since I've been pain-free in the left ass-cheek, but the new combination of therapy that I've been doing for it (...and applying to my patients with similar complaints) has been working in lowering the pain's debilitating effects. The difference between have pain and not is dramatic!! I mean when I have ass-pain, it's an all encompassing thing. It changes my outlook on life. It changes how I relate with people new and old, and it-the ass-pain-challenges my resolve to achieve.. anything productive.

What's the difference between having ass pain or not? Well it's not as noticeable when you see me after I've taken some Advil and just moving around the house or the office because those movements generally are easy and don't require me to do much bending or flexing my butt. However, when I have ass-pain (sciatic), even on OTC pain meds, it dramatic. Let me explain what I mean by that. Let's say I have pain, maybe less with some meds, and I walk into the gym. I don't want to be noticed. I make my move to the locker room and try not to notice anyone and get ready to actually just work on my hips, low back and gluts to get the muscles to tone down and hopefully the pain go down with it. I try and blend in and not be seen by the people there to 'work' on themselves. Sure there are people there working out, but by and large those people are just trying to stay in shape and feel good about their effort or NY's resolution. It's the other group of people I'm avoiding. Those people look like their on steroids or are body building models with butts you can bounce quarters off of and details in places in their bodies you didn't know you could have. It's those people that I'm avoiding. LOL. When I have ass-pain, I'm so much more polite than I might normally be because they might be able to knock me over cause I'm off balance, and I can't move very quickly or in fighting kind of styles. I can walk. I can mostly bend, and I can stretch...some.

In the very few and growing number of instances that I haven't had pain, I hear the thunder in the sky! I hear my heart beating along with everyone else's in the room as if my sense of sound has become super acute. I smell anxiety in the room by a few of the other 'feel good' work out people because they don't want to get in the way of other people. I smell the fear that comes with having any level of insecurity about what you might need to do if it came down to a show down. When I'm not in pain, I remember my purpose in the circle of life,and all things and events are sharp and clear to me. It's like I grabbed my sword much like the old T.V. cartoon HE-MAN and raised it into the sky yelling, "By the power of grey skull...I have the power!" It's intense. It's in these very few moments that I have to remember to be polite and not stare other gym guys down as they look at me or they see me talking to their 'women'. I have to remember I need to share and not take more than I need. It's stupidly true and a very powerful feeling. This is why the Almighty likely sent me the ass-pain so that I might remember I'm not that only one that can give or take with the same hand. I remember to hold myself back from over-doing it so that I don't end up in the pain corner again just trying to get by. It's a hard balance for sure!

What's worse is people instinctively or maybe by just plain observation notice the difference, and that difference is something that changes their behavior towards you and me. It's true. People are more agreeable when your attitude towards the world is positive, you seem to know something they don't, and it exudes from your being-power. Pain is a deal breaker when it comes to how you relate and how people relate to you. It's like survival of the fittest is always at work in the background of our conscious minds. It's interwoven in the nature of our behavior, and it dictates what the outcome of most our interactions are, and the only thing that can change that is your ability to control your thoughts. You can only control your thoughts when you're not distracted, and pain will distract you when it is strong enough. So has been my experience the last few weeks of having sciatic/ass-pain! LOL.

All the above contributes to another social phenomenon largely known as the 'presence' principle. This is what happens between people when they share the same environment on a regular basis. It could be a work space. It could be the gym. It could be the place you walk into and grab coffee out of in the morning, where you get your happy hour drink, or wherever you have contact with someone-directly or indirectly-that this phenomenon is happening. In fact, it's happening all of the time in our unconscious and conscious mind. In short, the principle states that if I see someone on some regular basis, whatever number of filters you might normally use to determine if you should talk to someone, what you can or 'should' not talk to them about begin to diminish. Over time and enough frequency, your brain begins to take on the sensation that you actually know these people or person that you interact with. Remember, most communication is non-verbal, so just because you're not talking to someone you see or see you doesn't mean you're not communicating...you just haven't had a need to articulate what it is that you're thinking, and that can be any number of things in the unconscious mind.

Before you know it, you start having some interactions with those people or person, and those transactions begin to add up as either positive or negative or maybe even neutral. What your mind doesn't know the difference is which of the three categories is building. The unconscious mind is busy at work attempting to tell your conscious mind that it likes this person or it doesn't like that person. It's busy with whatever you're concentrating on from the night before or the meeting you have later that day, but it's too busy--you conscious mind--to handle all of the signals it's picking up. In fact, it's waiting for your unconscious mind to tell it what, for whatever amount of distraction it may need, you should focus on, and this is where the person you see across the counter or next to you in line or across the hallway at work becomes someone you had no idea was going to be...wait for it.. your friend. When someone is your friend you usually trust them more than you might someone you don't really know, but because they're your friend, you believe them with a little less question especially if they fit the social programmed archetypes you're supposed to believe and trust; ya know...the good guys. So why is this important?! Why does this matter?!

It matters because when we create, by the very nature of our own need for routine, presence anywhere, we've essentially opened a door for other people, including ourselves in the opposite direction, to walk into your life that you may or may not want. The part where you're not sure is highly dependent on how that person interacts with you. Are they interest in you? Do they perk up when they see you? Are they pleasant?! You never know, but I bet you if someone perks up when they see you and are pleasant over any extended period of time, the day they're not there to see you or you see them, you're day just went a little more blah than it might have if you had seen that person or place. It's true, but that's the stuff of psychotherapist and social behavior experts. What do I know!? I'm just a dude that enjoys people watchin....kinda!

Well folks! You did it again. You just wasted a chunk of your time reading what will likely not make sense to you in the morning or later this afternoon. So, till next time, "Be well. Do good work, and come on back next time." G. Keiller.

 IG: #MNMAN #CALIFORNIADREAMING #GETADJUSTEDTOTHEGOODLIFE #NORTHSTAR

Monday: The Birthday Tour, Dreams, & The MIC. Updated: 5/4 7:37 AM

It's Monday! Yes....! I was in the Homeland for my birthday weekend, and right now it's sunny outside, and the air is cool. Unlike Minnesota where it felt as if there was enough moisture in the air to rain another day, it's nice out. In Minnesota clouds and cool air could mean anything. Fortunately, it was sunny most of my birthday. I liked the weather in either case, but I thought walking/running lake Calhoun might be more enjoyable in the sun than in the rain. LOL. My birthday turned out to be the best day out of all of them. The rest of the days fit the mood of the City..., but that didn't stop me from making the best of it, all of it, in the few days that I was there. So, I think a little bit of coverage on the Prince stuff, karaoke bars, the 'same old, same old' as it is for lots of people there in my hometown. There are some definite signs of change in the horizon. So, strap yourself in cause it's time for another weekly edition of Rants from a Midwest Guy In The Land of Milk & Honey in The HOMELAND.
Day 1: Thursday
As is my custom, I fly the red-eye home. They're usually packed. I was hoping for an isle seat, but it turned out the flight was over-sold no opportunity to change seats. This is usually not a big deal, but the ever prevailing ass-pain was acting up earlier in the night and seemed to be getting worse as if my ass was anticipating a long sit! An isle seat might've given me the casual opportunity to stand-up as needed, but I was in the middle seat, and there's nothing worse than being stuck in the middle seat than being stuck in the middle seat with ass-pain. I take that back. There is something worse than that...being stuck in the middle seat with ass-pain and having a weight challenged passenger on both sides of you. Fortunately, this was not the case this time around. What I got was an 18 year old pro-skate boarder chick! LOL. It turned out the gal was super chill and polite and really down to Earth. Nicole Hause is her name. (www.nicolehause.com) A senior at Stillwater High school that had gone pro at the age of 14 was sitting next to me on the plane. She showed me a few videos of her doing board stunts, and the actual difficulty of the moves made me appreciate the sport a lot more. I sat and listened wondering how the gal managed to stay in one piece. After some back and forth, on how I ended up in Malibu, I gave her my office card and told her to stop on in when she made it out to California. "Famous Minnesota people should stay in touch when they can!" I mentioned to her as began my get-away from the plane also noting that I had to achieve 'famous' status still. She smiled, laughed, and agreed.

I took the long way to the car rental area walking through the main terminal to see all the stores and shops while Prince played on my music player. I was home, and  various memories from past trips came to mind as I walked. "I made it back," I thought and half laughed as I walked. The weekends in California when I lived in the Homeland were always good even if they had their ups and downs, and the flights back to the Homeland usually came with a sense of urgency to get back there. But, now I am in California, and the urge to be in either place had gone from me, as I made my way to the rental car area.

It didn't take too long before I was on the road driving and trying to decide where I should go first. I mean..sure I had a plan of events for the morning, but I was in a car and in the Homeland, and there were so many things I wanted to do. The trouble was is was only 6:15 AM, and nobody or anything is really open at that time. So I just drove toward the downtown skyline noting the 'black elephant' that occupies it now. Eventually I made it to one of my friend's coffee shops to chit-chatted about the trip and things I hoped to do alone and with her. This happened after I made it to my normal Starbucks in Minneapolis because her shop hadn't opened on time! Hahaha. I figured I was likely to see a few of the regular coffee friends I had back in the day and get a few minutes to recollect all that had happened. It was, after all, a blur because of the restless flight in and the cold air and light rain didn't help, but I was in the Homeland, and it was all good.

The first important part of the day was to find my grandma. Yes! She has a tendency to disappear and finding her early is key. When I finally got to her, she had already cooked me one of her classic meals-rice and steak. She brought me up to speed with what was going on with her, her health, and the family as she understood it. She shared with me a couple of her dreams that she had had as of late because they seemed to worry her, and somehow she wanted me to tell her what I thought they meant. I guess. Whenever the old ones share things with you from their dreams, you should listen because they are closer to eternity than we are; everything we cannot see or feel because they're not as distracted by all the stuff we are by still being in the middle of our lives. They, on the other hand, are getting closer to finishing their time, and I believe they know and feel it all around them more so. I listened to her tell me about her dreams. I'm not Joseph the interpreter of dreams, the dreamer of Bible, but I understand and feel when people think they're seeing the signs in their life. My grandmother may disagree on my abilities in so far as dream interpretation goes cause I know how to read the signs (most of the time). In the end, we laughed some, and I reassured her she would see me again soon if not for the State Fair season so as to change her thoughts on her dreams.

Then I was off to 'the office' to see my buddy Burke and his side-kick Dani. We roller tabled a bit after exchanging some adjusting. I complained about my ass-pain, and he complained about not being able to golf. LOL. Eventually we got lunch and talked about their future and mine in the supplement industry. Chiropractic is a hard industry not because of the chiropractic part of it, although it does take its toll on you, but rather because of the business side of it considering a not-so-friendly medically based health care insurance system or other chiropractors as it is. It's always good to catch up with your office mates and friends when you get a chance. True story.

Before long, I was out and on my way to catch up with a couple of other friends, but ended up on Lake street getting tacos that eventually lead to the UPTOWN VFW karaoke night with one of my local chic friends. It wasn't the birthday event, but I figured I was in the neighborhood, and a little rehearsing might be needed. Hahaha. A couple of drinks essentially closed out the night for me bringing me into my birthday.

Day 2: Friday Birthday Day
There is a plan of events that I usually follow for my birthday, but this year was not the case at all. I managed to wake up and make it to Al's Breakfast as planned but not with all the original people that were supposed to make it. As usual, it was standing room only, but the wait was minimal. My usual dish, The Jose Dark, was just as good as it's always been 22 years later! I mean even the cook was the same guy I used to get my breakfast from back in the day. It's definitely a greasy-spoon place, but it's so much like the breakfast counter I used to work at the State Fair that I can't help but enjoy it. Yea... I'm a big State Fair fan. It is what being Minnesota Man is also about. The people watching is pretty good. The clowns that work the place are actually funny to watch, and when it's really busy and people have to wait more than 15 minutes to get even close to getting a seat, it's fun to see if you guessed right on who was gonna bail first and not wait. Hahahah. Best of all, you can get the best expresso/bean coffee around hands down. All of this great food and entertainment (Not to mention the memories) for the cost of a couple of five dollar bills. Cheap!!

Eventually, I drove downtown where I would finally begin the pilgrimage to all things Purple. Finding a spot directly across the street from First Avenue's North wall where the star bearing Prince's name was a shot of luck. I didn't even bother to pay for the meter. It seemed no one else did either as other SUV's pulled over and people walked over to the pile of flowers and other things left behind for the Purple One. The song's guitar started to play in my mind as other people took off their hats, sun glasses, and silenced themselves for a few moments of respect. One of the limo drivers that I knew from my days of security management was even there. We nodded in acknowledgement of the other but didn't speak. It was too hard to it seemed for both of us. Him because it was the Black 9/11 as Chappelle put it. Me because I'm me. When it came time to leave, my Finnish friend took a few pictures and we left to walk around a bit before I dropped her off at her home.

Her place had changed so much from the days I helped her tear out the floor and dig a 50 foot trench lining the side of her house. I saw where her cat NUPU was buried. His grave was marked with a flat grey stone. She pointed it out to me again as I wasn't there when the stone was placed. She would periodically say, "He was a good cat," when he came up or her new kitten, Makke, went running by much like a panther...mostly because he was jet black with piercing yellow eyes. I understood her loss, and although she likely didn't know it, he, Nupu, was the second animal I had lost indirectly over the last year. The other one was named Leo; he was put to rest one year ago this month in California by my former. It was then that her memory crept into my birthday tour experience. As I thought about my Finnish friend (also a former girlfriend) and Kelley (my recent former), I couldn't help but feel a bit confused about everything that had lead to present day. I put her out of my mind as I continued the tour of the garage improvements, the home interior painting projects, and the subtle but growing sense that I missed being home in Minnesota. Well parts of it at any rate. The rest of the day was spent shopping around Uptown and all the stores that I enjoy walking into to find treasures till it was karaoke time!

When the time came, I found my brother and a few other familiar people at the newly renovated VFW. The place had a clean and posh look on one side of the bar with an additional area that was hosting a Prince dance party on the other side of it. A narrow staircase between the two sides brought you back to the normal, hole-in-the-wall VFW that I knew and where the karaoke MIC was to be found. The host was one of the regular singers I had watched sing in trips past. He was good, and the place was getting full. My brother and one of my local friends was with me, and it hadn't dawned on me that he had never heard me sing before. LOL. I didn't think of it till I got up to sing a 'warm up' song. It continues to give me small sense of giddy when I hear my stage named called by the host, "Fil Thunder is up next!" What usually happens after I sing a second song is the crowd beginning to cheer before I sing.

There's something about getting that kind of a crowd response that I like. Hahahaha. I know I got the song right when the bar starts to join in and sing followed by random girls letting me know they may be free later if I can sing them another song or two! I laughed because at my table was a beautiful, tall, and long-haired girl that was playing my potential sober cab home for the night. That, or I've just gotten that much more buff (Just a little bit)! LOL. When it was all said and done, I made my way to my buddy's condo's guest room off of Lake Calhoun. It was great spot with a hot tub and pool that was open all night. Yup. I ended up in the hot tub for a bit and then bed. I can't even remember getting into it from being so tired; tired from the lack of sleep the flight in; tired from the time change; tired from the lack of working-out. The tiredness I was hoping to literally work out of me later the next day.

Day 3: Saturday
Saturday was a bit more relaxed. I got up and had coffee with the Moo and eventually made it out to West St. Paul where my mom lives for lunch. The drive in always reminds me of how much I don't miss living in St. Paul as a kid or the time I lived there when I had just gotten back from California in 2013, but it's where I started out my life...the West Side as it's know. I met my 3rd nephew for the second time, and the kid is growing fast. My sister and her new husband as of last month were there doing their thing. I could tell my sister was careful of things not to say in front of me, but I'm no sucker as she has learned in the past. Although I love my sister, there are things I don't approve of in her life or the way she explains her inability to perform and function like most adults in life.

My mother was funny. She was insistent we went out to eat somewhere cause I still think she believes I'm not eating enough! LOL. It's always different. One trip I'm fat. The next trip I'm too skinny. Hahaha. But that's my mom. We drove through the old hood while I played her all the Prince songs I used to hear on the radio when it was that she drove me to various places. We laughed at the lyrics this time, but when I was a kid, I'd usually get a shoe or something across the butt or wherever my mom could get me as I moved to dodge her chastising. The visit was short and eventually ended with seeing the next door neighbors who just had one of their family members pass away. I gave them my condolences and wished them easier days as time moved forward. The clouds were out making the sentiment a bit grim.

My brother met me at the gym. It was right as I was about to go into the place that I cracked my head into the doorway of my rental and thought I was going to see the creator. I hit the door frame with enough force that the entire right side of my face when numb, my ear rang, and my vision was temporarily gone in my right eye. As I massaged my anterior neck muscles to relieve some of the cramping, I braced myself against my car. If I was gonna pass out, I wanted to go out behind it so someone might see that I went down and not run over me if I was in between cars. My phone was dead, and my brother already inside the facility. "This is how it ends?" I thought as more of my face went numb and my breathing became more labored. "This is how I go out..on my birthday visit alone in a parking lot, and I don't even have my Jeep!" As I continued to massage my neck the spasm in my SCM began to give, and eventually I could breath easy again. I stumbled toward the gym entry way and eventually into the front counter. My brother noticed something was off, but he wasn't sure what. As I began to tell the desk guy what just happened, I realized the whole reason I cracked my head on the door frame-to grab my wallet-didn't actually happen. Hahahaha. The shock of it and pre-determining I was about to check out completely made me forget it there. I sent my brother out to get it.

Eventually my vision returned to normal and the tingling sensation went down. I turned my head with both hands to determine if I had fractured anything or just gave myself the hardest occiput adjustment  ever. Whatever the case, my neck felt much more loose in movement less the lingering muscle spasms at the base of my skull. I laughed after I got ready recapping to my brother what had just happened to me in the parking lot. He laughed but then kept an eye on me in case I gave myself a concussion, which might've explained the temporary loss of vision and mild fuzziness. What was supposed to be a work-out turned into a stretch and core session, and it was needed after two days of no gym time and more food than I might normally eat any given day of the week. Hahaha. Dinner was being made for me on the other side of town. I didn't know this at first, but after I gave Moo the head crashing story, she felt it might be a good idea to eat and chill just in case I was still having head issues.

I wasn't sure what to expect when a gourmet chef says they want to cook you dinner as a birthday gift, but it turned out wine was gonna be needed, and before long, a three course meal  was out on the table. Lamb, salad, and a rice pudding made my belly full but also sucked up all of my energy, and before too long I was ready to call it a night. The air was cool, but the sky was clear, and it made for some small talk.

Day 4: The Last Day.
Sundays are fun for lots of reasons when in the Homeland. You can listen to Cities 97 Acoustic
Sunrise music. You can people watch. You can grab coffee and walk the lake. So many things you can do. I ended up doing a little bit of all of the above. Somewhere in my driving time the night before, I caught wind of a country song that I couldn't quiet get the lyrics out of my head. So I looked it up. Garth Brooks' More Than A Memory was one of them. It was the end of the trip, and I was thinking about my home in California and all the things and people associated with it.."because when you're talking out loud and there's nobody there, and you look like hell and you just don't care. When you're drinking more than you ever drank..sinking down lower than you've ever sank...that's when she's more than a memory." Cause that feeling comes over you when you go by places that you once shared with others. I wrote it all down in my journal for this year's birthday review and future outlook entry. I had lots to write about, but I didn't. There was lots to remember, but I didn't want to for the most part. There wasn't very much feeling, and this was likely the thing that made me wonder about it all.

I saw my Finnish friend again and shared a coffee and short walk with her. She shared her on-going yard plans with me, and I listened. I felt happy I was able to see her again and have her share a little bit more of her life with me as a friend. The road to my grannies house was blocked by thick traffic because of freeway construction, I made it back Moo's to have lunch and say good-bye so I could catch another friend at the airport-Anican Skywalker as I call him. LOL. Like old grad school days, we laughed over a few cups of joe and water while figuring out what the future for him might look like with all the changes coming into his life. The time fly by, and it was good to hear what was happening in the Homeland and in my friends' lives. Now getting home was gonna be the last task of the day.

For the first time since I've been in California, I didn't leave my Jeep at the airport Parking Lot C place. I had one of my friends drop me off. What I was hoping was that another would pick me up and maybe make it down to King's Head for a late night song, but what happened was...nothing. I had to get on a FlyAway bus so I could catch an Uber Cab to my town. I've only done it one other time, and I didn't realize I hadn't changed the "HOME" address to my current one. It was only when the driver turned down the wrong road that lead to my former's address that I figured this out. A few seconds later we turned around to cross back over the 101 and to my 'home'. I laughed, but also wondered. My housemates were home playing Mortal Combat because that's all they seem to do now and days. Hahahaha.

There were lots of things that took place, but it's Monday, and I've got to get to it already.
Till next edition, "Stay well. Do good work, and come on back." G. Keiller.