Memorial Day weekend is the first of three major Summer holidays. It's the weekend when we go up North and clear the brush from the cabin home, put the boat into the water, and fire up the pits. It's the weekend we hope all of the hard work we've been putting in at the gym will finally pay off because it's usually 'run around the lakes' time by now, and hopefully we can show off a little bit. Families come in from all around and usually end up staying somewhere in your home..the couch, the air mattress, the drive way in their RV, and sometimes your bed if you're not careful. It can be tight quarters for a few days with the family and friends, but it's worth it! Traditions that we start young or keep up with stay with us, and this is what we call Americana or "Merica".
In all of the family fun, there is another group of people out around the world and all around us doing their part to keep America safe. Quietly, we take a moment to remember the fallen and those still out 'fighting the good fight' as we say. If you're able, reach out to the ones you can here and all around the world and let them know they are remembered! A few of my friends are still out there somewhere in deep, far, and usually unreachable doing what they do. It's for them that I smile and say as if they were reading, "I'm thinking good things for you. I'm having a cup of Starbucks coffee that you would normally get. I hope you're well, and I hope to see you soon." We, or the USA, are the sign of stability and impending freedom all around the world. There are some people that don't see it that way and feel we are a hedonistic minded people that are out to control other peoples' agenda if they don't align with our own objectives. Unfortunately they are the ones we have to rise up to and hopefully foster some level of understand....one way or another. So, take a moment and reach out to a service member and let them know you care or a moment of silence for those that have gone ahead of you into eternity.
One year later...........It seems that time flies when you're having fun...or you've been stuck on the freeway way longer than you should be! I'm still coming to grips with the fact that it's been a year yesterday that I drove my Jeep across country for a contract job that I wasn't sure was gonna deliver (Later, it turned out not too.) all the things that it said it would. It was a corporation that was still developing its way of doing business as a chiropractic chain where you could get 'adjusted' for relatively cheap. It only took three months of driving all around three different counties to realize that their interest was elsewhere and not in compensating me for things that it said it would apart from salary. In the remaining months that followed, I began scouting out private practice offices as I had before I drove out--this is what I was doing before I met my former significant, K.C., and after she moved to California. It was because of my job hunting that we ended up dating in the months that followed her move in 2014.
After some 'free' work for one of the docs and hefty day fees to a couple of others, it came down to one of two offices because of location and growth potential. At this point, I was only taking a serious look at places that had a retirement earning cash flow potential and not just a temporary fix to an employment problem. Otherwise, I would've just stuck it out with the corporation and rearranged my life again to make it more lucrative, but I didn't have to because I got the call from the Malibu doc. It turned out that he had gone through a few dozen other applicants before he and his wife and business manager felt that I was likely the best person to put into their office. It turned out my experience with the masses but also my knowledge in Personal Injury care were what got me the job; I guess I can adjust pretty 'O.K' too! LOL. I laughed when I found that out because all of that part of my life happened by being in the right place at the right time. Sure I'm a good adjuster, and I would've have been as good at it had neither of those two rolls come into my reality, but it's where all of the signs lead me, and I was responsible to at least show up and see what might come of it. Now I work and grow professionally in Malibu. I live in community that's not all that different from Edina, Minnesota where my other office is located making it just a little more familiar after a year of flying to it and from it to 'have a better life" as it was last year.
The other reason I decided it was important to be open to whatever the Creator was doing in my life and all the signs that it was likely time to change for the better or at least different, was my former significant. It's true. She asked me this the other day, and I was happy to tell her that she was part of that reason even though things turned out the way they did between us. It means a lot to me to be able to deliver to people the things that I say or had been saying I was gonna do, and not just be a 'big' talker. Still true. Behind my original intention of moving back to California after surviving cancer, a financial meltdown, and essentially defeat, was the hope that I could do better in my own life but also in hers in whatever way that was gonna happen. Somewhere in the back and forth to California for office scouting we dated, we began to like the other enough that it was interrupting both of our abilities to date other people. It wasn't until August, six months after her move to California, that we agreed to be something more than casual. Out of that decision came the rest of our relationship and story, and that ended just before I moved out. The rest of the time after that was different than I had expected, but the more I read the signs and did my part to at least show up and be available for what might happen, they did. New friends. A great position in an unbelievable location...all of it.
My former and I haven't spoken much or even seen each other more than passing till the other day when she walked into the Starbucks I've sat at nearly everyday since my arrival one year ago. She had only walked into the place a couple of other times, but it was only this occasion that she wanted to talk with me. I couldn't even believe it was happening because I had anticipated it in the first half of the year that I had been in the place, but she never walked in. She said she hadn't because she knew I was there and she couldn't really talk to me because of things happening insider her. This time she did. As you might expect after not really having spoken to a person you had a really serious relationship with, were going to have a family with, and eventually share a life and then they just stopped talking to you one fine day, you're gonna be a little nervous! Hahahaha. I could see it in her approach to me and in her voice as she spoke. I politely pointed out that it was awkward after such a long time and that the feelings of uncertainty would get better with a little practice (as in talking more regularly). She agreed. And, this is where it got interesting!!
Our morning talk at Starbucks happened on a Tuesday. The night before, Monday, I emailed her a long letter essentially discussing the fact that it had been a year and that her reactions to me, as little as they happened, were or seemed to come across as negative or not a neutral experience for her and then us because of her. The letter recapped the year and invited her to potentially consider changing her mental interpretation of things between us or her approach to me, what she believed I was doing in general, and hopefully achieve a neutral experience from that day forward. It was a positive to neutral letter with a few comical points, a couple of factual insertions, and opening the door or at least point out that I hadn't been able to close it so she could use it and maybe improve our strained relations. I started working on that letter the week before after seeing her in passing and then waking up to real points of emotional pain and some serious dreams with her in them. I didn't miss her in that way and have had a full life for some number of months, but something in my person felt it was the appropriate thing to do. So I began to write the letter. It's why I didn't post a Rant last week..because I was busy typing out that letter. The final draft only came after a dozen or so changes, and I wasn't even sure I was going to send it, but I did, and it was the night before she walked into Starbucks that Tuesday morning. Hahahaha.
As she spoke to me on various things, I made reference to her points as having been touched on in the email. It wasn't till about 15 minutes into talking that I asked her if she had read the email. Her immediate response was, "NO. What email? When did you send that?" It was then that I realized I was doing exactly what I was supposed in that very moment in time. I needed to be there for that part of both of our lives. I informed her of when, and why, and then to what address the email was sent, but she hadn't received it. Hmmm....and wonderment that followed in my person grew. I began to laugh explaining to her that the reason I thought she walked into Starbucks that morning was because she got my email the night before and maybe agreed in part to what it said.
We or rather she made her request of me. I informed her of my thoughts on them. "It's been a year of 'silence' from you. Why do you feel you can come into a place that is part of my daily life routine, and ask me to do something else?" She became more agreeable, and we talked through her reasons only to have her acknowledge her thoughts might be a little much considering her position in my life. Thirty minutes had passed since she walked up to me, and it was time to go. I asked her if I could walk out with her only to get a half-ass response, but she waited for me in her haste to leave. LOL. Then we stood outside for a moment longer and spoke in brief, and she went to her car, and I walked back into Starbuck's to catch up with one of the gals. It was one of those "Universe" directing your life kind of experiences for sure, and considering how things had gone in the past, I think that interaction was at least positive overall. I'll include the email letter I sent her at the bottom of this blog so you can see what it was that I wrote, and why it was needed.
So, one year later. Life is changing. You and me are changing. There's a constant process of change happening to all of us and everything around us. Some of it is the normal progress of time on our bodies and in our minds. The rest of it is the constant presented opportunity to stay the same or change. We have to take a moment and be honest with ourselves and ask if we're going the direction we want to be headed in? Is this it? Do I have peace? Am I content (The feeling of being happy comes and goes.)? The year has seemingly gone by at different speeds...fast, slow, not moving, 'reverse,' and too fast to remember at points, but in it all we're moving forward as my former would often say. Take a moment to take in the air, the sunlight, the perfume of your special person and strive to make it a good memory because you never know when change will come.
Thank you for all of your patience, your readership, and whatever time you took to keep up with moments of my life. I hope it was worth something to you. FST
The E-Mail:
From: "Fil Troy" <drfiltroy@gmail.com>
Date: May 23, 2016 7:24 PM
Subject: Gym time, A Year Later & The Present
Hi Kxxxxx,
How's it going?!? How's the life, the job, etc.?! It looks like you've been working hard on your fitness-your arms are chiseled!! And, yup! I noticed you got your nose done--nice...and your hair is long! I'm sure you hear it all the time, but you really look great!! That's mostly small talk I usually have with other people I see regularly everywhere. That kind of casual talk could be happening between us, and 'I wasn't' trying to further the distance that was created 'by you' with my last email to you. Yeah, yeah, I know...the past. Right!? If it's in the past, why is it still so very real and strong for you and then me even in this last week!? Have you asked yourself this? Do you wonder why your reaction to me is still that strong?!? (If your initial thought has anything to do with blackmail or related topics you misjudged me then and likely still now.) Maybe you do wonder. Maybe not. I've been thinking about our encounters as of late because it'll be a year this week that I've been here and we essentially stopped relating.
Maybe you're not angry, and you've gotten over those thoughts and emotions, and are as happy as a clam, but it has not seemed like it in the last number of instances we've seen each other especially on your birthday, and hence that strong email. My friends and the gal I date feel I should clarify a few things in it.
#1. The email stated that you needed to stop harassing me when you see me at the gym or otherwise: this was really just addressing the way you walked up to me yelling for no provoked reasons other than what you thought I was or have been doing there(the gym) all this time when really I was there just doing some rehab training with one of my clients (that night).
==>The email should've also said, I am open to you, in a limited kind of way, like normal chit-chat people do when they see people they see regularly. I know an adjusting period may have to happen considering it all, but I'm willing only because you and me both train pretty hard and regularly! Hahahaha. If we were honest with ourselves, we notice the others' progress even if we try and play the "Try not and notice the other" game when it happens. It's a shame we didn't share this important part of our lives(then and now)--working out and other related activities or other social events like UFC Fight Nights. I think you know that not all people understand us fitness minded types because most peoples' 'socializing' include things we usually leave out (drinking, partying, etc.). Honestly, I'm surprise we haven't run into each other more because my schedule doesn't change much. When you've seen me at the gym, it's when you've gone at a different time or stayed later than I guess you normally might. Not that it should matter when either of us train, but it seems to matter to you. My trainer friends and other friends say it's soo damn busy at the 5:00 O'clock rush, and I believe it. It's why I go at 7:00 PM or before 5:00 PM most days (Cause I only work 4 days.) So we're gonna see each other from time to time... can we leave the gym a stress-free zone?? Cause dealing with 'people' all day, as you know, warrants a stress reducer called GYM!
==>The email should've also said, I am open to you, in a limited kind of way, like normal chit-chat people do when they see people they see regularly. I know an adjusting period may have to happen considering it all, but I'm willing only because you and me both train pretty hard and regularly! Hahahaha. If we were honest with ourselves, we notice the others' progress even if we try and play the "Try not and notice the other" game when it happens. It's a shame we didn't share this important part of our lives(then and now)--working out and other related activities or other social events like UFC Fight Nights. I think you know that not all people understand us fitness minded types because most peoples' 'socializing' include things we usually leave out (drinking, partying, etc.). Honestly, I'm surprise we haven't run into each other more because my schedule doesn't change much. When you've seen me at the gym, it's when you've gone at a different time or stayed later than I guess you normally might. Not that it should matter when either of us train, but it seems to matter to you. My trainer friends and other friends say it's soo damn busy at the 5:00 O'clock rush, and I believe it. It's why I go at 7:00 PM or before 5:00 PM most days (Cause I only work 4 days.) So we're gonna see each other from time to time... can we leave the gym a stress-free zone?? Cause dealing with 'people' all day, as you know, warrants a stress reducer called GYM!
#2. I also wrote, "I am genuinely OK not seeing you." ==>The email should've also said that I'm also OK seeing you also.
#3. I wrote, "You must know this to be true in your inner most person, but whatever your reasons, your experience has not changed to being more neutral towards me." I was making reference to two different things:
==>One was that I don't seek you out or plan to run into you, and this is why I'm surprised when it happens (about every 3-4 wks or so).
==>The other thing is your experience as it relates to seeing me randomly. You must know deep in your person that it can be better, but you are either consciously choosing to keep it less than pleasant for you so you don't have to deal with whatever it is, or it's an unconscious issue...and ultimately it makes everyone else you and me know uncomfortable about the other for no reason. That aside, the times I've noticed the stuff I'm talking about have been recent......
==>One was that I don't seek you out or plan to run into you, and this is why I'm surprised when it happens (about every 3-4 wks or so).
==>The other thing is your experience as it relates to seeing me randomly. You must know deep in your person that it can be better, but you are either consciously choosing to keep it less than pleasant for you so you don't have to deal with whatever it is, or it's an unconscious issue...and ultimately it makes everyone else you and me know uncomfortable about the other for no reason. That aside, the times I've noticed the stuff I'm talking about have been recent......
One of the instances was Easter morning at Starbuck's. You were with that gent, laughing, smiling, and seemingly into him and very physically close (--not the Asian guy from the gym that seems to be there when you're there). I was happy for you because that's (also) how I try and remember you-happy. I was sitting with a gal (Midwest girl-much more real and down to earth..you'd be surprised what's out there.) train with. She said I looked like I had seen a lost friend, and she was right--that sweet, sensitive, funny, and happy gal I used to know was there... just with someone else. I was happy for you until we saw you go from happy and affectionate with that gentleman to uneasy, seemingly uncertain, and then distant to him. As you walked out, your overall demeanor had changed and you even put on your sunglasses on in the store. I wasn't sure what to think about that, but it was noticed by us both.
You reacted more or less the same other times too...less the yelling at me part-- you'd see me and your reaction or non-reaction was,"don't look, try not to notice, be cold, uncertain, sad/maybe angry, etc. etc." Or like the other day I had just got back from my office in Malibu and on my way to the gym, you saw my jeep, switched lanes to not see me and then put your hand up to not be scene either. Why? Did it help?! Whatever the case, your demeanor or attitude towards me has not improved or not much at least. So, the present.....
All anyone has is present moment, Kxxxxxx, or now as it is. Time keeps ticking away and no one knows when it's (gonna be) over. I mean, Prince just died, and it was a complete shock and unexpected. I still hear his Purple Rain guitar riff playing in the recesses of my mind more than not since it happened, and he is right, " it's such a shame our friendship had to end.... times are changing; it's time we all reach out for the new, and that means you too." Maybe your experience and indirectly mine can improve this year! I'm not saying we're gonna be friends or anything, but somewhere better than what's been happening would be more healthy. Do you (not) agree??
Now it's one year later. I'm not sure you remember I knew Thousand Oaks from my grad school days and the years leading up to my original return to Minnesota in 2013. But, I think I can honestly say after all of it that things happen for a reason ( http://filsebastiantroy.
Maybe you know this feeling. Something motivated you to go back to school to get the degree you got for business admin that ultimately lead you to where you are now. And then it was like you said, "I made $30K more almost instantly." That's what can happen when we follow that drive -- it changes your life in ways you never see coming-- financially, socially, the way we have relationships, how we see the world, and eventually it made you (or anyone) 'restless' and you found reasons to start looking for more or different (than what you knew). This is the part of your story I know, in part, because I was in it with you the day you walked into Starbucks on Hennepin January 30. I was doing the same thing....looking for a job in California so I could get back to the life I felt was going to give me more opportunities in everything: And, then you, and then us. You were that bridge between the life I knew in Minneapolis and the one I was creating here as much as I was likely your bridge during your transition (here). People change. You're changing, and I'm changing. If we're not, then we should allow for not only ourselves but others to try to improve because that's really living (life) with all of it's ups and downs and not just existing.
I've changed this email more than once this week, and I think all the important stuff is left. If not, hopefully we can yap about it if we get to talking. If not, it's all good. I hope you're as well as you look and have found some happiness and peace in things if not the regularity of routine and the ever so likeness of Mn weather lately. Let's hope for better when you see me this day forward.
It could happen.
Take care Kxxxxx, Fil
It could happen.
Take care Kxxxxx, Fil
#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #MnMan #Californiadreaming #Spring #Malibudoc
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