Friday: Healing Whispers Through Time, Space, and Emotion. Updated 8/24: 3:15 PM

O.M.G. It's Friday!!!! Thank God Almighty the weekend is now here! Sure, I'm working part of it, but it's the best day of the week for most of you, and that means another week of your life is gone! Did you do anything different? New? Whatever happened, hopefully you week was memorable and better than the last one. Whatever is the case, it's time for another weekly review of  Rants from a Midwest Guy In The Land of Milk and Honey!

Last weekend started out pretty typical for me...a drive to work through the canyon and a short ride down the PCH to my Malibu client's office, but not before I made a stop by my neighborhood Starbucks for a cup of Joe. A cup of Joe is good company if there's traffic because it's so much easier to deal with any traffic if not dismiss it when I can sip and listen to the music. 

I admit the weekend was, much like the rest of the week, permeated by last Friday's morning coffee experience with my former. The more I thought about why it stuck with me, it became more clear; I had anticipated that day for so long (well since my arrival to California) that the fact that it was actually happening didn't register in my head, and I had drowned out its possibility or hope with other noise from other parts of my life. Fortunately for me, one of my morning coffee friend was there to more or less keep me in the present. 

This eventually led to me reading over a few emails (Five Total) I had sent to her, and in one of them I mentioned that whenever I had made it to Starbucks that, "I, at times, sit at Starbucks wondering if you're gonna walk in one day...foolishly being a hopeful optimist." It was in that instant that I was signally to her and myself that I was letting it go. Or so I thought. I had written those words because she had not taken the time to acknowledge me or any of the emails I had sent her because it was according to her, "better for me not to so I can move forward," when we did finally run into each other and talked a bit months after my arrival. Yeah. It took that long because I was not forcing the issue or going out of my way to make anything happen. I thought about it since she said it, forward, because she had used it before. 

The word itself, forward, never made sense to me when she used it because when it comes to people dynamics/interactions there is usually more than one person involved. To move forward implies in its very nature that there is nothing holding you back and that all things particularly between you and that person are resolved as best as they can be for any one party can actually move "forward" from the interaction(s) together or seperately. No one person involved in the interplay can determine that the other party is unable or not worth resolving the issues with when both are clearly not 'clear' of negative energy being emitted by it even after time. 

Both parties have a responsibility to the other, if not to themselves to be willing or at least see there is basic need to bring resolve when they are aware things are not whole or right. No one, in good conscious, should walk away from difficult or even hurtful situations, when appropriate, so as to wipe the slate clean of the other or the situation(s) because the notion implies 'as long as I can shut out that part of my life experience or that person everything will be "'O.K.'" Right?! But, will you be? Will one, you or the other or both people be "O.K."? Can one live well with a divided self? The answer is easy: NO. You can not...not a full and healthy life that is engaged with all the facets of being a human. I guess if you just want to simply exist, it's possible, but those people have a tendency to become addicts because they have to drown out the pain of not feeling or feeling the wrong things. We should want more out of life when we can have it!! This is true.

It was not as foolish as much as it was positive thinking on my part to believe that a better resolve could come from my hopeful optimism of a better ending between her and me even if it only amounts to amacability according to my mentor. What you can think of in your person, mind, and feel in your soul may very well be a true resonance from the Universe prodding you to get to it or back into it that situation. Listening to those resnonances from within me changed my life when I was a younger man; it's what brought me as far as I've come, and it's what help create the way I think and continue to evolve as a person. What I had to do was listen, be aware of the signs, and find the peace in and toward them as they related to my path. Albeit, it has not been easy task to do so at times, and sometimes the pain and the difficulties of the situation(s) can make it hard for us to listen or even want to listen, but we have to because it's not just about you or me-it's about everyone, and the outcome of your life as well as theirs depend on it.

So, my life went on as usual the days that followed: I worked  my normal number of days and times. I met Cindy Crawford. I made a few social calls. I went on a date. I did some relationship building time with my adopted sister. I worked on my jeep. I tried to be as content as I could be knowing I'm not dealing with blizzard conditions like everyone is in the Homeland. But, in the moments in between those activies, in there somewhere, I could still hear the music...the one that plays within the recess of my person making some of my thoughts fuzzy and other ones more clear as the minutes passed. I'd watch the sun set, and when I wasn't exhausted I watch the sun rise making me smile at one or both because I know I'm sharing them indirectly with someone close to me.

It's in these in between moments that I find myself whispering into the air as if a certain someone was standing next to me listening. I tell her about the weather and how good we have it laughing at the fact that it was she that pointed it out to me sarcastically as we watched the sun set on Zuma. When the air is so cold that I can see my breath and see the heavy mist on the mountains, I comment into the air that it's super beautiful and smile wondering if she got that same image as she drives to work or does whatever she's doing. When I watch UFC matches and people are yelling and cheering, I laugh half knowing she's doing the same thing somewhere else if not in the same place and I didn't see her there. I'm sure that sounds crazy, but considering the interconnectedness of all things, it's really one way to create within yourself positive vibes and emit them to someone somewhere else. Again, things that should be shared directly, but I can settle for indirectly till a different day arrives or the internal draw to do so fades. 

Sending positive vibes through the atmosphere not only helps me feel better about her and the situation, things and places we shared together, but it also changes my ambiance, which the opposite..attempting to squelch out all of our time, the good and bad, as if that part of our life didn't exist leaving you with a 'vacuum' effect to the rest of your life. This can only change your ambiance to one that is less neutral which is what people try to achieve by moving forward but can't because the vacuum is pulling them back or stalling their forward progress in conscious and unconscious self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. 


My recent new perspective of shame, guilt, and social judgement from my study of the Brenne Brown series has challenged my need to complete my book. Yes. I 'promised' I would not relent until it was 100% complete. I'm completing the final approvals for the pages of the book now, but I wrote the story originally to tell people the background story of my personal life versus all the crap that was actually happening in my life beginning with my cancer survival experience and its aftermath to the day I arrived in California again last June. The trouble is that I can't finish the story as it ended in my blog. The story is still happening now and days we see each other since. It's only happened a handful of times, and for whatever reason more in the last few weeks than the last few months all together. So, I've had to think just a little more about it every day. I hadn't thought about it for a good while until last week when she walked into the place I've sat at nearly every day I had a chance hoping she might break her silence towards me. And her walking into it knowing I was there, is a good sign that I need to rethink what I include in the book even if nothing comes out of it for me or between us, but it will give her some control of that part of her life again...maybe even some peace of mind.

The picture with the white lounger has a plywood printed picture that will be the cover picture of my book. There it is.
#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Californiadreaming #Whatsmissinginthispicture   

Friday: Life, An Oil Leak & Familiar faces! Updated: 1/31 01:29 AM

 It's Friday! Friday. Friday..and I'm working, but another week of your life just passed by, and hopefully it was better than the last one if not just as good. One never knows with the kind of weather we've been having, but it's at least FRIDAY and time for another weekly review of  Rants from a Midwest Guy In The Land of Milk and Honey!

Life Topics:
Like most weeks, I have a few days off that I use to get basic things done; they're not always in a row, but I use them when I get them. And when I do, ya know, I clean my house, pick up the yard, and make sure there's enough food to make for whatever number of meals I need for the following three to four days. As of late, I've been finishing tracking down minor issues with my Jeep. Yes. It's on-going fun hobby because it does run smooth and clean. LOL. It's the middle of the road maintenance stuff like checking the brake lines, changing out the various fluids, and tracking down the last of the oil leak(s) I virtually knocked out last week have been a bit of a process. The Jeep dealership says the pan bolts "do" get "loose" from time to time. So, it's good to check them every so many miles, which for my jeep was about 25K miles back! The clean up of the oil leak has been taking way longer than I thought because the old oil mess has to be cleaned away one section at a time. The 'coating' of oil was a good 1/4 of an inch thick through most of the bottom of the Jeep, which may have slowed down or prevented any new rust while I was home the last two Winters.  

Since last week, I managed to get myself to the beach. Yeah. It's been awhile, and I've found, or at least noticed, that I'd been unwilling to go it alone. What's funny is that I essentially work one block away from the beach, and it hasn't seemed to matter. I can't muster up the mental energy to go. What usually happens is I wait for other people to go or find someone to go hiking with me around the trails, but actually driving myself there has been a tooth puller. Hahaha. I guess I haven't been sure how it would go considering Berlin's Take My Breath Away or some other Current Life Sound Track starts playing in my head when I pull up or am driving down the PCH, and the figure and face of a familiar woman come to mind. I guess..

The day was beautiful. The weather was warm, and the sun was bright. There were lots of people out getting their sun time in as well as sharpening their climbing skills on the cliffs. I missed it...the care-free nature of it all, and somehow I was happy to be there in the moment with my partner. I'm sure part of it was her company, but I'm also sure it was the memories I had of the place and my former partner that had brought me to it just over a year ago. Both the present and the not so distant past were full and filling with good vibes, and I was O.K after all. It was all just O.K., and it made me wonder then as much as it has been all week about it.

More faces came to mind that I had shared the same experience with in times past, but only one of them usually was accompanied by the music playing within me. It made me wonder how she is and what's happening with her. I smiled hoping she was well and more happy as time has moved forward for both of us. I continued to smile, and stayed there in the moment. When the beach experience was over, we left and did random acts of shopping at various places that were having sales. That's right! That's my favorite kind of shopping...sale or thrift-store shopping! It was a good day that ended with some karaoke singing, a burger and fries with a guy that sings like the lead from Boston taking the MIC with me.

The rest of the week, besides work days, was normal with an extra today, and I'll get to that in the social section. The picture to the right is from the Malibu Canyon road. What you see is "The Colony" where all of the Malibu Country Mart shops are; it's in one of the buildings just behind all of the shops that I provide services to one of my main clients. It's what I do. I meet new doctors that need 'fill-in" work all over L.A. and this particular client and I hit it off well enough that he ask me to provide regular services at his office. It's been soo nice to just drive there and not all over Lala land to work. I've been practicing there since last November ramping up my days and hours till present. It was more than just chance that brought role into fruition. I laugh with wonderment when I think about all of it and remain thankful that it did happen...most of it that is.

Social & Personal Development: 
The Malibu schedule has allowed me some normal life activities much more regularly than did my corporate client that facilitated my transition here. I have a body-building regimen with a normal group of people I work out with on different days, and that has lead to me having people that I'm personally training and rehabbing when I'm not in the office. This is all good even if I've been dealing with the sciatic pain I developed from running all those miles the last few weeks of marathon preparation. I'm likely not going to run it to prevent more pain and injury, but I wanted to get back into some middle range mileage so that I'm staying leaner in my growth overall. Hahahaha. In some intricate way, I was embracing new memories for running the area. Like I once said, "I'm going to get shredded after I'm done running this race," and I'm following through with all of those things till this day, but I wouldn't mind sharing more of it with a few friends and maybe the Mn girl if that situation improves any. I'm hopeful it will with time and positive vibes. She was courageous in her move out here, and after all that book reading I did, I appreciated all that she had to endure for what is supposed to be a better life than what we knew in Mn. Courage spawns courage in others, and this brings me to this morning when I took this picture to the left...my Forest Gump picture. LOL. Because it's exactly what I felt like after this morning's coffee experience. I just sat there taking it all in and being at peace with it. So what happened... 

As I do most days I might be stuck in traffic (It's mild traffic through the canyon.), I grab a coffee and sit a few minutes getting my day together. I make small talk with the old guys and few of the other morning regulars when I'm not nose deep in my PC or planner. Today, as I was conversing with one of the regulars, a familiar face walked in to the place. I instantly flashed-back to the previous year where we had walked in together before her hurry down the freeway to get to work. Hahahaha. My friend noticed my attention diverted, and as she turned to find out why, and she knew instantly. I politely tried to keep in the moment and follow up with the conversation we were having, but it was obvious I couldn't. The music in my head was already too loud and switching between songs so that the lyrics matched what I was thinking and half feeling....Somewhere betweenChicago's Hard Habit to Break, Adel's Hello, and Jackson Brown's Somebody's Baby! I was unprepared for it even though I had drempt about it happening and thought it through figuring out what I should and should not say if that day ever came! But, none of it came to me much like our previous run into each other at one of the local grocery stores a few months back (I felt like Forest Gump.) LOL. Nostalgia got the best of me in those few seconds. 


I mean...I wasn't sure if I should've walked up to her and offer to pay for her coffee, ignore her, start singing what was going through my head or what! So, I did the next best thing and readied myself to hit the road like I had planned to do at 7:15 AM. My coffee friend understood what was happening, and she left just a little before me as I stopped to refill my cup so 'we' could talk if that was gonna happen. I walked over to that familiar face to gesture I was not closed off to her and politely said, "Good morning." She acknowledged me, and that was it. It was another courageous move on her part to walk into the place knowing I was likely there.

I started to leave the store stopping to say 'hi' to the old-man breakfast club while laughing a bit with them and their recent facination with my Malibu patient cliental. It seemed as if nothing had changed in my sentiments for her in the moments that followed except it was a year later, I was wearing my "Doc" scrubs, my Jeep was outside, and we, KC and me, were not walking out together. It was a good experience on any account. It seems that there is still room for improvement on my part because I could feel it--energy--between us that I want to express in a positive manner because that's what I want....good and positive vibes between us, and if I can think it and feel it, things can happen. Quietly with my mentor and here in my blog publicly I've talked about having more of those situations happen between her and me so we can normalize some of the energy between us and eventually work towards being neutral and positive. Then, if it happends, we might be able to be like most other people you see regularly and just shoot-the-shit without any concern other than being there in the moment, and maybe we can move forward with a better feel for each other and our time together. MLK is right, "..you can fight the dark with light. You can only heal hurt with love, and you can only understand one another when you communicate with one another." There is no better time than the present, and now is the time. Maybe it's time, and I'm willing to show up and see what happens. All things are one. 
Till next week, "Be well. Do good work," and come on back again.

#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Californiadreaming #Whatsmissinginthispicture 

Friday: Jeep parts, The office and Friends..Updated 1/25 @ 11:26 AM

It's Friday! T.G.I.F.! Hahahaha! Another week of your life just passed by, and hopefully it was good and spent well. And now it's FRIDAY, and it's another weekly review of a Rants from a Midwest Guy In The Land of Milk and Honey! 

This week I had a couple of days off in the middle of the week, and I'd been itching to get a few things polished off on my Jeep....namely getting an oil leak(s) taken care of that has seemingly gotten steadily worse over the last month after I replaced the valve cover gasket (I do my own repairs when I have the tools to do so). After some other routine maintenance things on my tires at Firestone and a machine job at the brake shop in town, I, or rather, all of us concluded that the oil pan gasket needed to be replaced. 

This lead to some probing, and YOUTUBE channel education on 'How-To' change and replace the gasket only to discover I likely needed to change out the rear main oil seal, which was much easier to to do then originally thought. In the end and after some de-greasing, I checked the bolt sizes to make sure I had the right sized sockets. Sure enough, as I was sizing them up, I found the entire front end of the pan bolts were not tight at all. Go figure that this stopped the oil leak as yet! It saved me about $60 and four to five hours of labor time, which is nothing compared to the $660 any of the garages wanted to charged me to do both...OMG!! Thus far, the I've replaced the brakes (front and back), the front and rear shocks, and the plugs, wires, cap and rotter. Yeah, I'm still MexiCAN!


ON THE JOB: My client schedule has varried every week which sometimes gives me a day or two off during the week; it just depends on what the patient population needs. The reasons vary from their G5 being delayed, 'on-set' delays or stresses, and the occasional they over worked themselves on-set, and now they're a mess! LOL. I get it, and they get it, and that's why the office is there and they come to us. So, a little schedule flex between weeks.

My name plate is in the process of being created and will be replacing one of the names presently listed at the hallway door. It's a place of honor and humility, and it also validates that 'I know what I'm doing' considering the Malibu population. Beyond just having a enough raw talent, I'm sure there's an element of luck in there somewhere. Hahaha. 

ON THE SOCIAL ARENA: I was having coffee with Al the other day to go over some of the places and things we want to try and get to on days we have off together to keep it real and share a few things. Between her ER schedule and my revolving day schedule, there are chances we might actually have off together less her kids' schedule. In between all of it, we laughed at her new dating or 'not dating' experiences and her overall life and friend transition that has occurred for her in the last year. Not one of the people that were her friends, outside of her kids' parents, are in her life present day. All of those friends that either picked her now X-husband to stick with or just decided to not participate are gone. That amazes me. It makes me think about all the reasons people are in our lives at all besides the momentary experiences we share with them. I'd like to think that if you share enough of them that you have some kind of substance between you and those people so that when difficult things happen they stick it out, but I'm not sure that's every really been the case. When I see all of the people around me or hear about other peoples' lives and experiences..or even my own experience last year, I take in a deep breath and let it go...slowly. 

 In that light, I put a face-value amount of energy into the people I meet or even see regularly because in the end, one has to interact with the world if not only to make sure you're not loosing it or too disconnected from it. This is the same for me at Starbucks, the gym, and now at my work place. Even when I do see my former KC from time to time at the gym or some other place, I realize it just that moment in time and nothing further. Sure I look forward to seeing the people that I regularly see because it gives me a sense of belonging but not necessarily being apart of their lives or them mine; I think I miss that part..the having someone being involved in my life more than just a regular passer-by. You would never know anything different if you knew me. I smile the same (OK maybe you don't see quite as many of my teeth when I'm not fully smiling), and it's usually welcoming and looks like I've gotten a lot of work done on my teeth even though it's definitely not so. LOL. 

Then I recall, why I feel good about those experiences and why I smile or feel mildly apart of the moment...because the experiences are generally neutral to positive in nature. I have no expectations of those people going or doing anything different making them, the experiences, at least pleasant. The more of them I have-positive or even neutral moments with people-the more likely I will be open to them for more of whatever necessarily allowing my willingness to be more vulnerable with them to go up. So, I smile. It makes me hopeful knowing this very simple non-activity may be able to change my experiences or other peoples' experiences with me to a more even one..one that is neutral and ultimately will become positive. And if I can achieve that without an agenda, I will be more apt to be content, feel pleasant, and eventually open up more to people..even ones that the experiences were mixed or less than neutral. 

I was just thinking all of this as the sun started to show today. In time, I'll expand on my thoughts in the weeks to come. The pics are of a few friends including Al that have stood the test of time, crap, and distance. I guess I better get to the drive over the hill and get to the job. Till next week, "Be well. Do good work," and come on back next week.  

Friday: Marathon Miles, The Weather, and Dating Roasts!

It's Friday! T.G.I.F.! Hahahaha! Another week of your life just passed you by, and hopefully it was good and spent well. That being the case, it's another weekly review of a Rants from a Midwest Guy In The Land of Milk and Honey! 

I've been tracking the weather in the Homeland, and it's pretty cold up that way, relatively speaking. I was watching the single digit negative numbers, and I'll be the first to admit that I'll take the heavy mist and big rain drops like pictured to the left yesterday morning over scrapping off my windshield! The sky is clear now, and the sun almost too hot. There was a little bit of  weather that came by in the middle of the night yesterday that left it's trace. The picture on the left is my windshield covered with heavy mist, and drops of rain. Good thing I didn't take the time to wash my jeep. I was gonna, but I found I had to replace an idle sensor. In the process of checking the rest of them, I found I had a torn differential hose. Then the hours went by in getting the two issues resolved (more or less)! Yeah. I like to work on my jeep when it needs it. Thank God it still runs pretty well considering the number of miles it has on it. I could lease a new car or buy a used one, but why have another expense to appease the public?! I'm frugal that way just as much as I am when it comes to "dating" and "meeting" people. 

It was just the other night when I had RSVP'ed to a local 'singles' and active people meet up group that is largely composed of 20 and 30 somethings. I invited Al to join in as I added a plus one to my RSVP. It was a trivia and tacos night, and I like both. I like them better with people I know, but I'm good in either environment. Eventually Al got back to me that she was bringing a friend along for the experience. By the time the event was going to start, what was one friend became one freind, her boyfriend and another person for a total of four people! LOL. Naturally, the event was going to be watched from a distance from a table that was fun for people watching till it became a Q&A on preferences for never been married (Although I've dated a few divorced ones, no-children, and younger-than-me women!  LOL. I didn't think about it initially, but eventually I realized it was communicating to the recently divorced single ladies at the table that they were not 'valid' in my dating selection. Go figure.

 Keep in mind, I initially invited my wing-girl AL, and it was she that invited them! It's true. So apart from the conversation, I hadn't signed up to entertain a few gals that needed validating for their lives as older and being divorced, but I understand that everyone needs a hand to hold on to...it's just not likely to be mine. I date younger women for lots of reasons. I'm not saying if I run into a gal that I get along with, is still in excellent physical shape and has that kind of lifestyle, and has something interesting to say, I wouldn't consider it. But, given the options of older versus younger and some of the important factors being the same....I'm going with younger (+/- 10 years max for more serious relationships) if only for the fact that we may decide to have children ( Yes, I just said that.), and that option usually isn't operational in older-than-me women.

My natural inclination was to ask, because I was beginning to feel picked on after being drilled about why it was that I haven't gotten married or if I "really" wanted to have children or not, "Why the hell are you divorced or divorcing then?" OMG!! The less obvious facts never came out..they were unhappy, their partner was a 'looser', or they feel they are somehow entitled to more than what they have earned in their lives. Worse, their time to complete the circle of life, if they hadn't done so, has already passed. One thing I keep in mind is the plan fact of being a human--men are not concerned with a clock that is ticking. It's usually women that are. So, the "need-to-make-a-decision-to-have children is not one I'm concerned with at the ripe age of 41. Why? For the very reasons I date younger women!! I can and their clock hasn't ticked out as of yet. In the end, none of the conversation should've even applied or involved me. One of the gals was in her 50s and the other near it, and neither of them living a health-based lifestyle that would get my attention if I had met them randomly. This excludes the issues of chemistry, compatibility, and a host of other real factors that usually are applied to men when qualifying them as either a "potential" or not. When the reverse application is done, that is use the same number of things to determine if women are a 'good option,' everyone of them is offended! Rules like...having a going somewhere job...not living with your parents, or not having some personal issues that put you in your parents place in the first place. I understand personally life can happen to you, and you need to end up somewhere, but if you are not in the process of improving your 'move' forward, something may not be exactly right. In all of it, we just need a hand to hld on to...Just saying. 

Then there's Al and me, and we're essentially the same age! Both professionals with earning potential and career mobility; it's something Al forgets about or doesn't care to acknowledge. In the recesses of our outing the next day, she agreed that we can and should date younger people when it works. We're both in the positions that will ultimately allow us choices that 80% of the population will never have, and we have to be mindful of how much work went into getting those options and leave those types of conversations for other people. All of that from one invitation to a gal I would've had a great time with, but somehow everyone else showed up as a security blanket! LOL.

In the middle of all of this talk, my aunt was going Facebook ballistic and managed to find a few classics shot in one of those old-school photo booths of her, my brother, and me at the age of six or seven. I couldn't help but laugh and then fill with nostalgia realizing I still have the same haircut less the bowl. I still have the same care-free look and smile not to mention laugh. I remembered being a kid again and how good it felt to just be. I also remembered my nanny (not pictured) that was the next door neighbor's daughter and how much fun we had. LOL. 

Yesterday, I walked into the gym before I got to my work day obligations to put some miles on my shoes for the marathon with a little bit of that care-free, happy-go-lucky look on my face. I was gonna run four miles but ended up running just over five; it's a good start. The desk manager noticed, and after I ran but before I left asked me an odd question, "Have you been getting some intimacy time with someone?' I was a bit shocked at first but then laughed as the various faces came to mind from the not so distant past especially the smurf. "Not really. Why do you ask?" I said only to hear her say I had a strange look of satisfaction and care-freeness to me that day that she'd never seen. Later, I text her the picture above and mentioned she must've gotten a glimpse of my inner child! Hahahaha.  I later ended up behind the wheel of a convertible Bentley. Yup. I'm 'Getting Adjusted To The Good Life' as it is for other people! 

That's it folks. Till next time..."Be well. Do good work, and come back again." Keiller. 
#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Whatismissinginthispicture #Californiadreaming

Friday: The Universe, Cars, and The Rain....Assurances From Above. Updated 1/9: 08:32 AM

It's another sunny Friday morning in the slow, beach town of Malibu, and that means it's time for another week review of Rants from a Midwest guy in the land of milk and honey. Yes! It's true!! The new year has begun, and life seems to be moving just a little slower for most people recovering from all of the 'holiday' cheer festivities and travel. People's kids are back in school, the new work year is in swing, and the T.V. show Dexter has been on  non-stop since my return. Acutally getting to watch any of it was not only interesting but disturbing and generally why I don't trust the police. I guess my housemate only gets to work on cars when it's not raining outside! A couple of the higher end ones are pictured below: McClaren P1 and the McClaren A1. LOL.

The rain was coming down the other day. So much so that it flooded out certain parts of the L.A. roadways on the whole but also closed a number canyon passes due to mud and rock slides. I only know this because I was driving into Malibu the other morning only to find myself with a number of other cars stuck behind a, wait for it, snow plow!! The only way to clear the roads of debris is by plowing all the 'stuff' to the side much like we do in the Homeland. It was a bit unsettling at first, but then I realized I had my sunglasses on because the road shine like gold from the sunlight! It was a beautiful, messed up drive, but I'm happy I didn't have to have my heat on to stay warm while the roads got cleared! Yes!! Hahahaha. 

After months of avoiding it last year, I finally finished reading the Brenne Brown book, Daring Greatly, this last week. Reading through it, I gained a new perspective on the origin of shame, guilt, and a host of other emotions that people experience from their childhood into their ending adult days. All of it based on the basic principle that our humanity is hard-wired to want to belong to something, be loved by someone, and be accepted for who we are (However we developed that sense) by the people we value the most at a minimum. Brown goes into detail on developing coping methods, which she calls the development of shame-resilience, with which we can resist the feeling of becoming defensive, small, and unimportant. We need to be able to wield those tools within our homes, our work places, and relationships because without them we run the risk of becoming detached, uninterested and maybe miss the opportunity to have a full experience of life and experience the gamete of emotions; this is only possible when a person exposes themselves and become vulnerable as a person to another or even themselves.

On the whole, it made me think of my life, what I thought, and how I reacted to various people and situations. Everything from my interactions with various people, their reactions, and their ways of being and the slowly emergent patterns of shame in them. It changed my perspective on a couple of very close people to me and how things happened between us. I had to apologize in a recent email to one of them in light of my new perspective, and it made me appreciate that person even more. It's not an easy thing to...that is...to be vulnerable to someone else, to take risk of being rejected, or failing, or even more optimistically, succeeding because you never know how others will receive you or your actions. But then again, if you don't do anything, you can quite possible miss everything.

On a different note, I've been living in what seems to be a surreal dream where I've been providing service in Malibu to the wealthy, famous, and unusual. The people I get to provide chiropractic care to are people that I've seen in movies, or in magazines, or own big companies. They seem as normal as everyone else. The only difference is that say all they needed to do was take a risk and believe in what what they felt or thought about themselves or what they wanted to do was all it took to make it happen. Yes. True story.

One of my recent patients, an A-list actor in a number of actions films, was sharing some small talk with me as I worked on some of his physical issues. He thought it was funny that I had a bit of Midwest accent as much as I didn't realize he was Scottish. We laughed about a few other things, but at some point he made light of the fact that I had 'arrived' and was interested in how I did it. "How did you end up on Ron's team? He's the number one guy in Malibu, and your state is far to just end up here."  As is always my response to that question, I said, "I came here for a girl and job." I wait a few seconds and follow up with, "I still have the job. Hahaha." He looked at me and laughed and got mildly more serious as he nodded in some kind of agreement that I had made the right move in showing up. What I thought he was gonna say was, "It'll be a story were few stood against many till the end," followed by, "This is Sparta!!!" But what he actually said was,"You never know what will happen till you show up." He grunted out while I worked on some of his scar-tissue. We both laughed a bit, and when it was over, I dismissed myself to attend another patient. I couldn't help but think that I must've needed to hear that again accept this time it wasn't a homeless guy saying it. I guess.

That's the end of another rant from a Midwest guy in the land of milk and honey. I'm starting another book this week that I picked up at the recommendation of my CPA, "Startling Late But Finishing Rich." It's on investment strategies. If it's worth it, I'll share what I find. Till next time, "Be Well. Do good work, and believe." Current Life Sound Track: ONE by U2.

It is not the critic who counts; 

not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, 

or where the the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, 

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; 

who strives valiantly; who errs, 

who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error and shortcomings; 

but who does actually strive to do the deeds; 

who knows great enthusiasms, 

the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, 

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.... 

Theodore Roosevelt

#GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Whatsmissinginthispicture #Californiadreaming

Friday: New Year's Day 2016. Where Do We Go From Here? Updated 1/5 11:35 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! It's a Friday, and I'm hoping you have the day off and are relaxing from whatever holiday celebrations you got your self into (and hopefully out of) last night!!! It's a special edition of Rants Midwest guy in the land of milk and honey. Yesss! It is special because we get to take a brief look back over what happened or didn't happen in 2015 decide if it was good, bad or other, and figure out what to look forward to this new year of 2016. The sun is out!!

Like most people in the world we want better things for our loved ones, friends, and maybe even ourselves. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was on a bridge over the Mississippi waiting for the fireworks to light up the sky only to find out after freezing my ass off while on the phone with my, then, significant other that the fireworks were on the other side of town and not on the riverfront anymore! WTH. Hahahaha. But, as I froze there a fire had started in the recesses of my being that I couldn't quite place until a few months later in essentially the same spot I'm sitting in right now as I compose this blog (Starbucks on 22nd & Hennepin); the time had come to prepare for a departure to California. The how and what factors emerged as I opened myself to it and my significant as we were attempting to work out some of our differences, the distance, and just the reality of life...all while running the longest distances (ever for her) I had run in nearly 10 years determining if I was gonna run the LA marathon.

Well, it all happened. The marathon, a lost love and family, a move to California in the process of it, and the search for a role that I presently occupy in one of the most exclusive communities in the world. I couldn't have seen it all happen or any of it if you had asked me this time last year, and what rekindled the urgency of taking action is likely the most intricate part of my being having been realized last March while sitting, again, in the same spot that I am now--family legacy. Nothing good can happen to you by just doing the same thing that is not helping you move forward, but taking a risk on yourself, and opening yourself up to new things and life at the risk of failure and ridicule may open the door for you into the unknown and the life and success you usually only read about. Your job, as well as mine, is to take a step of faith into the unknown and let go of things we think we need...that's when things can happen for you.

Sure, I feel I could've held on to what I was doing in the Homeland. I was comfortable, and growth was inevitable. I may have been able to just get by in a transitioning relationship and maybe have found one to fill that gap and stayed put lulled by the sunny skies that we covet so much in the Homeland in the Spring. Like the last week of my visit, it's usually clouded over,and when the sun comes out, it's like cotton candy at the Fair. Cloudy skies give us light but no direct sun, and where there is no sun, life cannot grow anew. Things just stay put...they get "maintained."

What did happen was some risk taking on the narrow belief there was hope for hope in a relationship that maybe could've been salvaged enough to find friendship was the better answer to the alternatives. I left my comfort zone. I left my job. I gave up my place to live and what I knew as "my social life" (not really that much of one in the grand scheme of it), and the familiar for a job that would help me make good on a promise I had made, find my way forward into what was my emergent future; I just didn't know it at the time. My personal losses were so loud that I couldn't hear the angels singing every step and move I took forward (with a bit of side stepping), and eventually more peace came to me about all of it.

What else happened?! Everything!! Everything that was supposed to happened, happened..and for reasons that only make sense to me now that I look back over the last year and then some. I've made some close friends. I have a great new job. I'm in the best physical shape of my life! I have enough...I also have a list of things I didn't do last year, and a number of things that I did worth talking about, but none of them matter compared to the most important of them--I dared greatly and let myself be vulnerable to the pursuit of a dream that I could have the life ( a normal life) I want to have win or lose.

Some of it didn't go as well as I had hoped, and I would give almost anything to bring healing between me and that person/part of my life. But, I can't do anything more about it now than grow in every way possible. I can understand more about myself and other people, and I can love them as they are while allowing for them to grow and evolve because I need the same in return. If want to grow and be better person, I have to mentally allow others to do the same, and in there somewhere we can find greater peace, more hope, and understanding. I say that acknowledging that I come from a part of the country where stoicism is valued and detachment is the vehicle we use to separate ourselves from our emotions and inner person from the world we have to navigate through.

Rather, I speak about a deeper kind of peace that we are invested in with 100% of our being because in it the ultimate expression of our person can be reached and be experienced...Dare Greatly!!! The Creator is waiting and the universe is cheering you forward! You just have to do your part and step forward and show up owning the moments we are given. The sun has not set on you forever if you can still breath, and now is a good time to take action. Thank you everyone for everything small and great. Spoken and unspoken. Happy New Year!! God bless America. #GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Whatsmissinginthispicture #Californiadreaming #MnMan