It was early November of 2017, and I was running the Malibu Half Marathon. I had trained for it...mostly. It was a race that I thought was an appropriate return to running. It was in the town that works in and knew as most of my California experience through my transition back from Minnesota. For those of you that know me, my return to Minnesota in 2013 was prolonged to clean up any lingering cancer-related health issues. It shortly thereafter turned into a job for an old graduate school friend of mine. When I finally had what I needed to leave Minnesota for California, I began working in Malibu in 2015 within six months of my return. It was the first race after my LA Marathon run that earned me my worst marathon time ever! It was a bittersweet memory of a race and my life at the time. So, I figured it was a good time to start running races again. I ran it. I apparently missed a friend of mine in both directions (It won't happen the second race.), which still doesn't make sense to me, but you can easily miss people when you're running and trying to stay on track!
Somewhere in the aftermath and may be due to some work activities, I managed to sheer a large chunk of my lowest lumbar disc off that free-floated and eventually got lodged in the nerve outlet tunnel. This essentially cut off the nerve supply to my left foot dorsiflexor. Yes. This can actually happen to you, and it happened to me! I didn't know this was the case because I didn't really have any pain with the event--discs do not have pain sensory. Well, not the kind you might expect. I had the normal kind of low back tightness one gets from running a race and doing a lot of work-out related stuff but not low back pain at all.
A few days later, I woke up and tripped over because I wasn't able to move my left foot! Again, I didn't have any real pain, so I wasn't sure what was happening. It didn't take long before my doctor mode kicked in. Within a couple of days, I had an MRI that informed me of this giant piece of sequestered disc. As one should, I saw one of the local neurosurgeons that more or less said I had a super big piece of disc blocking the nerve, or one of them leading to the diagnosis I already came to foot drop. It was 'severe foot drop' that normally leads to surgery within a couple of days if you have severe pain. Fortunately, I didn't have pain or any of the emergency items that would've convinced me I needed the surgery.
When you're a chiropractor and you're not in pain, it gives you a few moments to think about what is happening and why. I had to decide to go along with my own knowledge on the matter and postpone the surgery...that, and I had sky-high blood pressure readings that more or less would've prevented me from getting surgery till it came down. It was the alternative route that happened. This involved a super rigorous chiropractic treatment series that included nerve retraining or at least stimulation, muscle rehab and wasting prevention, disc decompression therapy, and an iron-clad will to stick with the plan. It was risky because I could've lost more of my ability to walk if the chunk of disc moved further down. I may have lost my ability to control my urination or even worse, my ability to just do normal sex-related stuff. If either started to present signs, I was going to pay that 40K and get that disc fragment removed cause it can be a permanent problem in either of those scenarios. Fortunately, none of the later was happening, and I worked my way through rehab. Slowly. Painfully at times. But, I stuck to the plan till it started to work again-motor control of my left foot. (NOTE: I would say to you not to use my story as a reason to avoid surgery if you really need it due to a disc matter, but explore all your options before getting cut open. I'm an actual doctor will all of the tools and knowledge needed to do rehab.) It important to have a plan and stick to it even when there are few signs of success when it comes to your health.
All that said, I had a supportive dating partner and close friends that were keeping me encouraged. I'm sad to say, I was not likely the best company most of the time, but they stuck it out with me when they could. It's good to be surrounded by people when you're down with a real-life problem, and the quality of their character is in those testy moments, made obvious. Thank you to all those people and LEC.
Here we are today... nine months later. It was just yesterday that I ran the better part of three miles. It wasn't a big distance, but considering I could only walk 15-20 feet nine months ago, it was an accomplishment. It was an emotional experience, to say the least considering I wasn't supposed to run again. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that I ran marathons, half marathons, and the local 5-10 miler without really thinking about it. For sure I'd train for them. Maybe not to the actual recommended number of miles every race so one can have a great race, but I trained for them by and large. Most of the training I did in my earlier years was with the friends I had made while sweating it out in the high humidity while learning how to run. This is different than just running around for your health. Ya know. The regular 3-5 miles people do a couple of times a week so they feel good about eating or drinking the extra calories at the Fair or something. Running marathons takes time, energy, and a high level of determination and dedication.
The group of people I ran with were from all walks of life and lived in different parts of the city. There were a few bankers, a couple of baristas, nurses, college students, etc. etc,. At the time, I was the property manager and just starting graduate work leading into chiropractic school. We came from all different walks of life and lived in different places, but we had one common activity and goal: we enjoyed running and we trained to run a marathon (26.2 miles).
We met once a week for a running club meeting and ran whatever the distance of the day was after some person talked about shoes, methods, or whatever the topic was that one night a week, but we ran. Most of us ran a second day with the team for long mile runs. It was the same. We met. We'd talk about whatever as we ran, and we logged in the miles. We got to know every person's story, our familiarity with each other grew, and we eventually became our own support network. It was the running that brought us together, and it was the camaraderie that helped keep most us focused and accountable to the other for showing up. This is where I learned that having a group of people around you with the same goal or goals is important because they can keep you on task especially if you start missing runs.
Missing scheduled runs, especially longer runs (14 miles plus), could ruin your chance of running a good race or even completing it. Missing miles from your training schedule for sure can increase your chance of injury before the race and definitely during a race, which might ultimately end up in no race medal--this is bad. As most of you runners know, most of the fee you pay to run these things is for the medal and the bib number! If you don't finish the race, you do get to claim the medal. You do, on the other hand, have a bib that tells you that something went wrong. Anything could get in the way of you showing up for a run. Your dog. Your friends wanting to go out the night before. You not watching your diet or health, and every now and then, the occasional significant other complaints that you're spending too much time on the road running than with them!
When you run a race, you're forced to make some decisions about how you will manage your time so you can actually run. You will decide who you really need to be spending time with; you begin to understand your body's needs to perform, recover, and get back on the road the next day. Running a race is really making a commitment to yourself and others in your life because training for a race is a way of life. It's a different approach to life than likely most of your friends will be able to appreciate. They may not like you for it. Others will be jealous of your discipline, and most people will not understand why you can't just eat whenever and go out however late you want. Racing will change the people you keep in your life and how you will live it. So it's important to find people or keep people in your world that will be supportive of you during in the challenge of the days leading up to your race. There is the very real matter of dealing with yourself in all of this running and changing your social network. Lesson 2: Date a person or have friends that run or are at least supportive of you racing. Hahahaha.
The biggest roadblock and race killer I've come up against is myself. The person that you have to look at in the mirror the night before is the same person you have to look at the next morning. He or she will tell you very different things from one end of the day to the next. The same person that tells you, "You got this. You totally have all your gear in place, and you're getting enough sleep tonight so you can be ready tomorrow," is also the same person that will challenge you. "Are you sure that mild leg pain is not going to get worse?" "Are you sure you have enough time to do this with all those work projects?" You will ask yourself the most insignificant things that will seem like big obstacles at the time because there is a guilt that comes with running miles and races that have their root in self-worth. "Am I being too selfish with my time, my energy, and not taking into consideration what others in my world are having to deal with in order for me to have this one extra experience? Did I train enough?" There is a mental struggle that ensues on whether or not you should run the race at all or finish the race and get that medal. Do you deserve to put yourself above the needs and wants of other people, your job, or even the significant other you care about? The answer is yes!
"Why?" You might ask. You forget that you've dedicated all that time to run all those miles. You forget about all the sacrifices that not only you had to make but also those sacrifices that the people that care about you succeeding had to make. You forget that there were days that you didn't want to get out of bed because you had pain, or you were tired from the work week, or your significant other felt you left them for a group of strangers, but they believed in you so that you could show up and run by pushing you out of bed. The mental discipline of running and living your life is likely the hardest part of running races, but there is something to be said about putting one foot in front of the other that brings you out of your head and into your body and into the very present moment. It is the race and the clarity it brings you and others into the reality of living life and not just existing in it; this makes all of it worth it. Sometimes you get a medal at the end to remind you that you can do what you set your mind to do, but sometimes its a raise in your job. Maybe it's a better job on the whole or even a completely different way of living life that is more healthy, meaningful, and fulfilling. Race day is always coming somewhere in your life, and it's the everyday practice of putting one foot in front of the other that brings us closer to the finish line. But, it starts with you showing up!
We all run for different reasons, and those reasons changed with every race and even sometimes while training for the same race. Running can help you managed your health. It may give a better grip on some personal issue like anxiety. It can give another person a sense of belonging. Running can be the tool you use to get clarity on life before you make big life decisions. For me, running has been my way of feeling I'm still in control of my life. "If I can do this than I can do that." In the later years of my racing, I wasn't sure I was going to finish chiro school. I wasn't sure. To help improve my decision-making process, a former administrator directly told me that he didn't think I had what it took be a chiropractor. As it turned out, I was in the middle of training for a third pass at the Twin Cities Marathon sometimes call "The Beautiful," as I was processing the various events of my life. As some of you know, the road I've run along to success was bumpy and not always clear as it was unfolding. There were a few valleys that I got to run through, and I was in the middle of another one. Like most, I had a plan that I was working to make the unforeseeable future happen, and I ran to keep it all in perspective.
Things can get in the way of you finishing your race, and for sure things in life can hinder you from showing up for the race at all. In the end, I continue to practice the art of showing up! Yes, this is true. You may not have run all the miles you should have. You may not have stuck to the eating plan. You may have turmoil happening in your life that requires your mental attention, but in the end or even middle, you need to show up with whatever you've got and start the race. You for sure can't finish the race if you don't start it, and you can't start it if you don't show up. You have to show up as ready as you can be, all things considered, and race. One foot in front of the other as far as you can go because it will be further than not having started at all. Lesson #3: Show up for the race of life with whatever you've got.
I often ask myself these days if I've arrived at the place where I dreamed I might actually be if I managed to finish chiropractic school. I say this is because I wasn't sure I was going to finish! I doubted myself because of that college administrator. I almost believed him. If I were more honest, in the time that followed, I wasn't sure what to believe because I had forgotten how much I had achieved in life before getting to that next milestone. I worked at a number of places to make ends meet trying to understand if I had made a mistake choosing that school or profession. I continued to run and train for the upcoming race. I went back into the nightlife industry which was the same reason I decided to go to school--to get out of it, but when you're between a rock and a hard place, you gotta make hay in the moonlight. All these things happening around me eventually pushed me to decide what to do next. Ya know life can give you a number of obstacles to overcome for your own personal development and growth that can determine if you're worthy of the gift of life. I ran to keep moving forward, and while I ran I kept up a little hope that dreams can happen with some dedication and planning. I often wondered if that was it. "Is this the life I'm supposed to live?" Fast forward to the present, I ask myself the same number of questions because like then the life I am living now, like the one I was living before I became a doc, could've easily worked out into some kind of normal life. But, was it the life I wanted was and still is the question. I chose to leave one day, and that brought me here to the land of milk and honey again.
Nine years ago, I graduated from chiro school and walked out having finished to the Verve's "Bitter Sweet" performed by string instrument quartet. I now work out of a boutique chiropractic office in Malibu where the famous, the wealthy, the powerful, and everyone in between come to get adjusted. I write this with the highest level of humility because I've learned that some things in life can be taken from you just as easily as you've received them. I've also learned that while you're in it, or you have them, whatever place or thing you've received, you have to enjoy them full-on and share when you can. I have personally gotten to put my hands on my favorite movie stars and musicians, and even the children of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It was from studying Dr. King's various speeches and sermons that I learned the core of my philosophical approaches to mankind and the various solutions to the troubles of his day and seemingly ours now. Lesson #4: Believe in yourself and not what other people want you to believe about you.
I ask the Almighty if this was the reason He kept me alive through all of the things I've experienced thus far in life. Maybe he put me in a position to ask people like Dr. King's children to bring back the discussion of his time to our nation today. I'm not sure, but I do ask all of these people what they think and feel about the current state of our country because I know that with a stroke of their finger, issues can be addressed worldwide. They have the authority financially or socially to walk up to our nation's leaders and ask them, "WTH?!" You never know where you will end up and with whom you will have the privilege of entertaining when you show up and start your race. Remember, one foot in front of the other.
Well, folks... that's it. I started this blog blab wanting to tell you that I'm running again and that I'm still working as a chiropractor and dreaming of what's next. The Universe seems to be telling me the winds of change are coming, and as you know, I have a bad/good habit of showing up! Till next time. #GetAdjustedToTheGoodLife #Allthingsareone #MNMAN
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