Labor Day In The Home Land & Direct Unilateral Loving. Updated 9/15/ 10:31 AM

 It's Tuesday, and it was a long three-day weekend that ended with Labor Day-one of the great American holidays. It's a day when we take the long weekend to do, hopefully, nothing! As much as I thought it was going to be the case, I've managed to stay busy doing other things people should do while in the Home Land like run around the lakes, eat food I would not likely eat in California, and, with out a doubt, attend the Minnesota State Fair with friends and alone. It doesn't matter how you do it really! What does matter is that you manage to get some of the annual tradition in!! I met Al Frankin on my first visit, and got to hang out with my actual brother and my brotha from another mother "Anican" as I call him. I'm trying not to get as dark as he is while being in the Land of Milk & Honey, but clearly I'm getting close! Hahaha. The weekend was fun. I had to find a teddy bear for a friend, move some storage stuff, and the hit the gym as much as I could considering the incredible drain the humidity had on me. I must be gettin old!

I had time to visit most of my nuclear family including my grandma. She started crying when she saw me after I knocked on her door. Something in her embrace tells me maybe she feels her time is coming, and I better see her while I can....while we all can. I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have in life without her or the rest of my relatives helping me along the way. I live on the edge of success and failure because of my upbringing, and that has helped me get far but it also has left me on the ground, at times, with no support network gasping for air. I came to the conclusion early on in life that there are somethings worth everything, and it might mean leaving what you know, are comfortable with, understand, and maybe die for it if needed. Dr. King was right in his proposal that if you haven't found something in your life worth dying for you may not be fit to live. So, I began a pursuit of knowledge and wisdom about me as a human being and the world(s) in which I live. It took me all over the world, into higher education, and ultimately home because I think I saw what I needed. Now, I'm in pursuit of it...happiness.

The State Fair was amazing!! Everything from the bus ride over to the sweaty people walking around eating anything they could get their hands on. My first day I went with my brother and long-time good friend. I could tell the heat was getting to all of us, but we managed to get over to the birthing center where I got to see a one-day old piglet. We walked through the Midway and laughed at the dramatic change in prizes for seemingly the same number of games for $1! All the childhood memories that come with a short walk. As timed passed, we at cheese curds, corn on the cob, saw a lot of people, and one of my close friend's art on display in the Fine Arts Building. Michelle mentioned she entered one to be on display, but she didn't tell me it was one that I was the model for in my days of sitting at the Dunn Bros. in Loring Park. Yup. It was a nice compliment.

My second day was much like my first except I went alone to explore the rest of the animals, the bazaar, the heritage area that was newly reconstructed last year, and just sit and write in my journal about the last few months and how this time last year I was running around with a couple of other people and working a second job so I could fund my way to California as soon as that October last year. Well, as most of you know, I didn't actually get there till last May 31. The last three months can only be described as 'enlightening'! You have to seek out the truth in situations for your own peace of mind and so you can understand why other people want you to believe and necessarily behave in a certain way. When you don't have to be accountable to anyone because no one you know actually lives by you, you can tell anyone anything. But, when you have to be accountable, that's when your story either checks out or not, and I was checking out a story I was told...undecided at its validity at present.

I came to realize a number of things when I got back to California, and I almost left, but then I remembered I was always in the process of returning regardless of who met me or not upon my arrival. I paused thinking about how many people I had seen in the three days of being home that had not changed their situations or life and were "kinda" happy but for sure would be happier if they could do something else...somewhere else if they had a way of doing it. I thought about how regular it felt to walk into the Starbucks where I met the person that helped me determine it was time to leave everything behind again for what might be a better life...or at least a good chance at life that might be more meaningful because of our future family at the time, and I smiled. I understood her better after spending some time with her actual brother and why maybe she has disconnected herself from him. He said lots of things that I didn't agree with him on but could see why he said them. People, family or not, may keep you from going forward, but at the end of the day, they are still your family and should be given at least the courtesy of being treated like a human being.

This is why I leave an open stool next to me at certain places I go to in Malibu and Thousand Oaks. Ya never know..she might have an epiphany and realize she should join me. Deciding every single day to not acknowledge a person she once had/has strong emotional and relational ties to is not just cruel but it's down right inhuman! She might find the only way up is by sitting down and maybe foster the kinds of dialog we should've been having to really move forward and not just go through the motions of it socially. Most people can forgive someone loosing their shit in an extreme situation, but to consciously choose everyday to not treat someone close to you like a human being not only kills the spirit of that person but it also robs their soul as well as your own. We should love people and talk because it is the only way to step-forward (not backwards) in life. Although, I understand the psychology of her action, it doesn't justify it at all.

I will remain firm and open to that forward talk(s), or as Led Zepplin put it, "...be a rock and not to roll," for a season. Some people need that type of resolve and love from the person they are being cruel to because returning love for their mistreatment is the only way to break the cycle of dysfunction; loving someone while they intentionally try to starve your humanity works on both people-your depth of character for loving the person that is intentionally trying to harm you, and the perpetrator's conscious for actively choosing to do you wrong repeatedly. It's when you break out the kinda of determination that Toto speakings about in their song Africa, "It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you cause there's nothing that a 100 men on Mars could ever do," that people have to acknowledge what is happening (or not) between you. Once you arouse that person's conscious through direct or indirect love, they can begin to question the nature of their action(s) towards you, maybe accept responsibility for it...ya know..see it for what it is, and  then conclude there must be a better way. This is when real healing can begin.

In my walking around the City, I sighed because it felt really good to be home where my family is and where I came from, but I was alone. Ambition will do that to you, but I guess being an a-hole will too, which I've been known to be from time-to-time. Hahahaha. When it was over, I managed to see a few of my close friends and their families and just relax realizing that I was beginning to get anxious to get home to hit the gym, see a certain someone, and see what the work-month is going to turn out to be. I have post cards to mail, and a number of receipts I have to start getting organized.

On my way back to Cali, I actually got lost in my own airport because it's expanded and changed so much only making me appreciate the visit more. I've traveled so much less since my move here that it all seemed foreign to me (kinda....well not really! lol.). I found the usual spot to take in a drink and maybe strike up some conversation with people, had a drink and wrote out post cards. I looked around periodically cause I had a strange feeling I wasn't alone..as in the smurf was somewhere in the area. I laughed at the notion of it--both of us home for the Fair but having missed each other altogether only to run into each other at the airport! "It could happen!" As an old, stubborn SOB would say. My flight from Phoenix into L.A. was delayed, but I met a gal from Tulsa that seemed really down to earth and nice. We exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up this week for a drink! I may still have it just like my missing partner does!! LOL.

When I finally got to my Jeep, I cried. I couldn't believe the visit was over. As I tuned the station, The Police came on, Every Breath You Take, and I started him up. I listened to the roll of the engine. It felt good to sit in him again...my Jeep. Before long, I was on the road home and all the memories that come with me driving up the 101 from the airport only to get off on the same exit I have the last year or so. Yup. It was a good trip that I get to repeat for the TC 10 miler in October. I can't even wait!! There it is.